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AIBU?

to feel aggrieved about what this mum did?

112 replies

deliverdaniel · 06/10/2015 18:06

Genuinely not sure about this one, and can't work out whether I am just feeling sensitive/worried anyway in general about DS or whether this is U. I genuinely am rarely precious about this kind of thing, but may well have totally misjudged this.

DS is a new reception starter. He has had a real struggle with the transition. He still cries every day, on and off all day, had really struggled to make friend s and fit in. HIs teacher says that at playtime he sits on the bench and watches the other kids and cries, rather than joining in. At home he is becomign increasingly anxious and upset and his personality outside school has gone from happy and confident to withdrawn and anxious. I am very worried about him, and have had a meeting with the teacher etc etc and am trying to do all I can to help him adjust.

I had the idea to organise a weekend meet up for his class in the park (whoever wanted to come), with some fun outdoor toys, snacks etc which I think DS would love and would help him to make friends etc. I mentioned this to a friend who also has a boy in DS's class- her son is settling in very well and making friends easily. She is not a great friend, but definitely a good acquaintance- our kids were are preschool together, we have met up a few times for coffee without the kids etc etc. I told her that DS was having a really hard time, and how worried we are, and told her that I wanted to organise the meet up for the kids, saying that I would send out a class email to all the parents tomorrow (this was last night) She suggested a couple of dates she could do, and several that she couldn't do, all fine. I told her that we could do any date except for this Sunday, when we have an unmoveable arrangement and we left it that I would send out an email tomorrow and organise the whole thing and she would help.

Then when I wake up this morning, I realise she has sent out an email already to the whole class, introducing herself as their "room parent" (she isn't- not that this matters, but seems odd) telling them that she was organising this event and setting up a poll for when it should happen suggesting two dates, one being the only date that I said we couldn't do. I emailed her to ask say that I was organising this specifically because I was so worried about DS and wanted to make sure he could go, and she replied saying that she and the other two room parents (they are the actual ones, she is not) had talked about doing this separately before we talked about it (she hadn't mentioned this before) and that they had all decided togehter these were the best two dates. Now everyone has voted for the date DS can't do, and I am devastated that he can't go, that everyone will be even more bonded than they were before and he will be even more left out, etc etc.

AIBU to be upset about this? Was her behaviour U? Or am I being weird and precious?

OP posts:
pootlebug · 06/10/2015 18:09

I would be upset by that too. Your poor DS :(

originalmavis · 06/10/2015 18:10

Ah, the class Queen B. There's always one. Is there anyany way you can make the date?

Halloween is coming - can you do something for that?

DonkeyOaty · 06/10/2015 18:11

Worra cahh.

Yanbu.

I am so sorry. Grrrrr.

laffymeal · 06/10/2015 18:12

So sad your son isn't settling in. Your alleged friend is a complete cunt and what she's done is nasty and selfish. I have no advice for you but Yanbu.

BackInTheRealWorld · 06/10/2015 18:13

I have no idea what a room parent is but could you approach the two proper ones about it and just leave fake room bitch out of it.

Spartans · 06/10/2015 18:13

What's a room parent?

bialystockandbloom · 06/10/2015 18:14

No you're not being unreasonable, she was. Weird and controlling! I'd steer clear of her. I would bet that over time other parents will start to realise what's what too.

They're all so little though, and have only just started school - there is plenty of time for your ds to find his feet and make friends. Lots of children cry still at drop-off etc in reception. I wouldn't worry too much about him missing just this one meet-up (even though don't blame you for being pissed off with it all). I really don't think one occasion would make a massive difference to him bonding with other children.

How about organising smaller playmates for your ds at home? This might be actually a ore productive way for him to make some deeper friendships, find other children he has more in common with. And keep on top with the class teacher about how they can help him at school too.

deliverdaniel · 06/10/2015 18:14

oh thanks so much for supportive words. I thought I was losing the plot as I genuinely am so rarely petty about school politics etc.

The other event is his old best friend's birthday party and planned for ages, and I feel pretty strongly that missing a good friend's birthday because you got a better offer is hurtful/ unfair, so we will have to miss the class meet up

OP posts:
ChessieFL · 06/10/2015 18:15

Yanbu, what a bitch (her, not you!)

bialystockandbloom · 06/10/2015 18:15

I assumed a room parent is a PTA class rep?

molyholy · 06/10/2015 18:16

She is the bloody weird one op. Fancy not mentioning this to you. Your poor ds

zzzzz · 06/10/2015 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LavenderRain · 06/10/2015 18:17

She's a cow, I would be devastated too. Poor DS Sad

Is it possible to invite some friends to your house? Maybe one at a time to let your DS get to know people in his own surroundings?
don't invite queen bee

My DS was like yours, it's heartbreaking to think of them sat alone at playtime. He eventually made friends with another quiet boy and they were inseparable. They are 17/18 now and still pals

Thanks for you

deliverdaniel · 06/10/2015 18:17

Oh sorry- we live in the US. Room parent is like the official designated class volunteer parent- there are two of them appointed each term- they come in and help with reading etc and do extra jobs/ volunteering for the teacher and help organise events. She isn't one, but has somehow decided that she is, and now refers to herself as such, which just seems weird.

bialy thanks- that makes me feel better. I'm sure we will get there. We are doing lots of play dates etc, so hopefully it will all work out eventually.

OP posts:
bialystockandbloom · 06/10/2015 18:17

Great idea zzzz especially the key rings Grin

luciole15 · 06/10/2015 18:17

That's plain annoying for you. Really sympathise. Would make my blood boil. Asides from why she is apparently being so random, rise above it and simply organise another meet up yourself. Just say you're sad DS not free that day, and he's having probs settling, so would be great to do another meet up. Or you could maybe approach a smaller group of families and do a series of meet ups.

Good luck. I hope your DS settles soon and finds son friends.

deliverdaniel · 06/10/2015 18:19

good suggestions from everyone about halloween. Thanks! Funnily enough her kid is really sweet and wouldn't want to leave him out either bedcause of his mum's weird behaviour. So glad I'm not way off base here!

OP posts:
LavenderRain · 06/10/2015 18:19

I love zzzzz idea!

Narp · 06/10/2015 18:20

She doesn't sound very thoughtful. She clearly did not listen to you at all. I would be upset too.

I wonder, though, whether your well-meant idea of social engineering might be stressful for you, and him too. I can see why you are worried about him being 'left out', but as bialystockandbloom says, you are playing the long game here. This event won't determine the trajectory of his school life


Good luck to you. It is hard when you feel like your child is the only one 9I bet he isn't)

HaloEveSteve · 06/10/2015 18:20

Yanbu, I'd feel pissed off if I were you. Do you think there's a chance you could arrange for ds to meet his old best friend another day though? Only because he has to be at school with these kids forever and if you think this would help him settle in it sounds like it would be a good thing for him to do. I understand why you don't want to but maybe for your ds's sake you should, if it doesn't massively inconvenience his best friends parents.

Also...what is a room parent?

Margereather · 06/10/2015 18:20

Your poor boy. Its hard when they don't settle.

Maybe a smaller event out of school would work better in practice anyway- as zzzz suggests. Sometimes with everyone together its harder to 'break-into' the groups and with a smaller group (unlike the mass at school) it might make it easier for him.

Agree that the other mum sounds very odd and unsympathetic. Sorry you're having to deal with that.

Forestdreams · 06/10/2015 18:21

Ugh. Definitely organise a halloween party.

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Narp · 06/10/2015 18:21

I also love zzzz 's idea (although in a slightly guilty way)

HaloEveSteve · 06/10/2015 18:21

Sorry it took me about an hour to type that and I cross posted with everyone/!

TheWitTank · 06/10/2015 18:21

Ah, the school bitch. There is always one (at least).
Can you organise some one on one play times after school with particular children? He may be the sort of child who feels better with smaller friendship groups, not a whole group of excited, noisy children.

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