To post on DDs Instagram?

[exLtEveDallas]

(Or rather WIBU as I haven't done it yet)

Salient points:

DD is 10
She doesn't have a phone.
She has an Instagram account on my phone with her classmates plus a few others on it - she doesn't have that many 'followers'
She suffered some low level bullying last year.
She cares very much what her friends think of her.

DD is out for the day with a friend, I won't see her until tomorrow. It was an off the cuff trip suggested by friends mum.

The notifications on DDs Instagram have been going bonkers this morning. I've finally stopped and looked. Another friend has DM'd her a number of times, getting upset that DD hasn't replied and asking if she's ignoring her. She's then taken to Instagram 'proper' and has posted lots of 'woe is me, she calls herself a friend and then blanks me, I hate my life/have no friends' posts that everyone can see.

She's aimed them at DD and they have got progressively nastier.

DDs other friends have posted and have now joined in with the 'how horrible of her' stuff.

WIBU to post on there "Hi this is DDs mum and I can see all your messages. DD is out for the day and doesn't have a phone or access to Instagram. She isn't ignoring you and you are being a drama queen over nothing once again

Because I don't think DD is will like me getting involved, but I know she's going to be gutted when she sees all this

[mrssmith79]

I wouldn't, it'll open a whole new 'your mum' can of worms - are you friendly with any of the parents? Maybe tip one of them the nod about what's going on and nip it in the bud.

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

oh definitely do it...wee madams need a telling off.

tag them all in it too

[SouthWestmom]

No don't be ridiculous. If your dd is old enough to have an Instagram account she's d enough to deal with the consequences.

[exLtEveDallas]

Only really friends with the parent she's out with. I know the dad of the girl who is writing the messages but he wouldn't be interested.

[Thelushinthepub]

Surely even at 10 they can Understand the Concept of going out for the day and not replying to social media instantly?

I think I'd wait for DD to get in and advise her to pist something which whilst bright and breezy makes it clear what a twat the friend is, ie: I've been out for the day x no need to panic! Now give me 5 mins to read all your messages :)

[WorraLiberty]

I second RainbowRoses suggestion.

And if your DD doesn't like it, it's tough - she's 10.

I assume the reason why she has her instagram through you in the first place is because you quite rightly want to keep an eye on it, and step in if necessary.

Go for it before it gets too out of hand.

[exLtEveDallas]

I like that TheLush, problem is DD will really take it to heart - even if she doesn't show it to them.

Part of me is hoping if I post then the message string will be deleted...then I could tell DD what happened but play it down.

[SwedishEdith]

Block the friend

I'd be tempted to just write 'Out for the day, no phone access now' but not sure even that would stop it.

[exLtEveDallas]

Yeah that was my thinking Worra - didn't really want her to have it, but she really was the 'only one in the class without it' - and that was last year .

[ReginaBlitz]

Oh the joys of ten year olds and Instagram, I've posted on my sons before and answered a Skype call off his girlfriend they are ten not 14,15 there is a limit to privacy imo.

[Spectre8]

how sad that there are kids who are only 10 behaving like that because someone hasn't been using their social media a/c all day..feel like I am living in another world sometimes

[exLtEveDallas]

So maybe just a 'DD is out for the day with no internet access' and nothing else? Let them wonder who posted it poss?

[CantSee4Looking]

We had this with ds getting stick for not being accessible on an on line game. Thankfully I was there in person and pointed out to the child making the comments that if he had no access to the internet because he was out he was not being mean he was just not available as he was busy. Child open and closed his mouth, but no more problems. I do think in this case a quick note just to say (on the main thingy) that she is out and not able to answer until later would be fine and actually probably helpful in this situation.

[Cel982]

I would, to be honest, 10 is young enough that it's reasonable for you to be moderating these kinds of interactions. Better to nip it in the bud now before it gets out of hand.

[Mistigri]

I think I would do as suggested above, as she is still little (obviously wouldnt be appropriate if she was a teenager - but she isn't).

You might want to have a think about the social media thing though. In my experience, the degree to which social media causes problems depends a lot on your child's friendship group - and if her friendship group includes the children of parents who basically don't care what their kids get up to on social media, then you need to take precautions.

[CantSee4Looking]

No, I would be clear that it was me posting. Vagueness can lead to further problems ime. Why did you post you were out, you were being very mean etc etc...

[JoeMommuh]

i would... the girls will prob be a bit embarrassed once you write it and maybe delete it.

[MouldyPeach]

I would message the girl. Not leave a public comment but send her a short and friendly pm. I don't think this little bit of adult input from one of her friends will hurt at all. Different if she was 15 but she's 10. Wonder if the other girls' parents monitor her social media accounts and if they think she is behaving appropriately..

[exLtEveDallas]

Definitely Mistrigirl. Friend posting the messages has no restrictions at all and I'm often shocked at the stuff she's in to. She has a shit life, so I try to be understanding. Stuff like this boils my piss though.

[MouldyPeach]

from one of her friend's parents*

[exLtEveDallas]

You know, I've left a salient point out (unintentionally) . I work at the school so all the kids know me as 'MrsDallas'. Maybe me posting would be a good shot across the bows.

[CantSee4Looking]

The problem with private msgs is that there then requires the reciever to share the fact that they were msged with the group. It rarely happens thus leaving dd still being the 'aggressor' in the eyes of the group. A msg that is open for all of the group means that the situation is less manipulable and everyone who has seen can see it. (screen shot it when posted as comments can be deleted to manipulate too) this sort of thing can be blown out of proportion so quickly it is stupid and tbh is one of the reason why I am glad the technology was not about when I was their age!

[lighteningirl]

Definitely do it (leaving out the nasty madam bit)

[DoreenLethal]

Hi ladies. Mrs Dallas here. DD is out all day - She won't be replying until she gets home as she hasn't got phone access so perhaps find something else to do for the day.