Dh wont communicate plans and it causes stress

(9 Posts)
whatisforteamum Tue 22-Sep-15 08:58:52

I started a new job 2 weeks ago different shifts new everything.Our previously out of workk dd started work 3 weeks ago shift work and needs help with transport as its off bus route but only a couple of miles away.Dh gets up v early for work so quiet a bit to shuffle.
My car was hit by a lorry and has just been written off (not ideal as i need a car for work really).I asked dh to book a weekday off which he did to go car hunting.i then said if we couldnt find one my next chance would be the sunday daytime.i only have hire car for another week.Dh muttered it maybe someones stag do!! When i pointed out he must ve known he said he just found out.DD who is 18 said he had known for 4 days.I know he has just had 2 golf days out so maybe he felt guilty that this had come up while we are really busy.
Im confused he does this ALOT.we have a calendar where things get written down as we all need to know who is doing what.Meals and chores get divided dependant on who is here.His golf is once a month and tbf he did do all the chores sunday after much protest last week.He doesnt earn much so our income is inportant.He just wont tell people what he is doing or when and gets angry.I do have plans to change the relationship after work is settled.Does anyone else have a dh like this ?

Starkswillriseagain Tue 22-Sep-15 11:38:34

What do you mean by you have plans to change the relationship?

Can you not car hunt without him?

Sounds like a PITA. I wonder how he'd feel if you did it too? Nothing would get done?

sproketmx Tue 22-Sep-15 11:58:26

Get a kitchen calendar and everyone uses it. Like in this house if it's not on the calendar you're not going. He will learn

PennyHasNoSurname Tue 22-Sep-15 12:02:37

Do you need him to car hunt with you?

And yes you need a big wall calendar.

SlightlyAshamed1 Tue 22-Sep-15 12:05:42

I've read several of your threads.

tbh don't expect much of him. You are wanting him to pull his weight and to care and I don't think he does. Complaining about him being difficult about this is a bit like complaining about a leaky tap on the Titanic as the band plays 'nearer my God to thee'.

I know it's tough. Wishing you luck.

sproketmx Tue 22-Sep-15 14:59:01

Wall calendars are fab for organising. Put it somewhere with a lot of traffic (like our kitchen) and once you get into the hang of using it there's not really any excuse for not knowing one person was doing/going somewhere unless it's a bit spontaneous. Really works for us just takes a few weeks to get used to putting every plan you make in it. Individual diaries I think are fine for individual people but when you need to juggle like a family a communal calendar is the best

lorelei9 Tue 22-Sep-15 15:04:54

er, OP has said she has a calendar on the wall for the family but her DH doesn't want anyone to know his plans.

amarmai Tue 22-Sep-15 15:18:07

he does not intend to do what you need him to do- BUT he wants you to continue doing what he needs you to do . The only person you can change is yourself.

sproketmx Tue 22-Sep-15 15:26:41

That's why in my original comment I said in my house if it's not to the calendar it's not happening lorelai. My second one was more or less agreeing with penny

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