DH says I have to do more housework because I earn less money

(276 Posts)
parrotsaremeh Thu 17-Sep-15 20:27:04

Am I unreasonable for being angry about this?

I think housework contribution should be based on hours worked, not money earned.

We live in a more expensive area because he wanted to live near his work. This means I also have travel costs and need to commute one hour each way, every day. It also means I could not cover half of all bills with my salary. If we moved closer to my job to a cheaper area, I could pay half of the bills, but he refuses to do this.

It is true that he pays the vast majority of the bills because he earns five times what I do. However, I don't think the lower earner should become skivvy to the higher earner.

As a side note, he is a lot messier than me which makes it worse. This may sound quite trivial but I am thinking of leaving because it makes me feel so demeaned.

parrotsaremeh Thu 17-Sep-15 20:27:42

Ps: we both work the same amount of hours

Sunshineandsilverbirch Thu 17-Sep-15 20:28:41

Did you laugh in his face?

Dexterwasright Thu 17-Sep-15 20:28:58

And you married him, why?

IsabelleEberhardt Thu 17-Sep-15 20:29:30

Yanbu. Wtf! Does he think you're his maid? What a knob.

parrotsaremeh Thu 17-Sep-15 20:29:36

I did, Sunshine. There may have been a profane word, as well.

TheBoysMamma Thu 17-Sep-15 20:29:40

YANBU at all

FannyFifer Thu 17-Sep-15 20:30:08

He sounds like quite the catch.

Sunshineandsilverbirch Thu 17-Sep-15 20:30:09

Sorry that wasn't helpful.

I might ask him to consider how much housework he'd have to do if he lived alone.

Skiptonlass Thu 17-Sep-15 20:30:31

I'm with sunshine on this one.

Howls of laughter would greet this proclamation.

Then a bit of a chat on how the housework and childcare gets split equally.

If he wants a maid, he can fucking well pay for one!

DextersMistress Thu 17-Sep-15 20:30:42

He sounds like a twat. Get him to hire a cleaner with his super dooper high wage.

Naicehamshop Thu 17-Sep-15 20:31:00

WHAT????? What a complete moron. What century is he living in??

Pilgit Thu 17-Sep-15 20:31:26

I sincerely hope this was a badly put joke. That's horrid! I agree with you - it's about time not wages earned. Have you told him you feel demeaned? Perhaps you should charge him for the housework you do....

SaveMeBarry Thu 17-Sep-15 20:31:40

Eh, yanbu!! The words you're looking for are Go fuck yourself DH!

That's just not on op and I'd probably be reconsidering the relationship Faced with that attitude. Do you have children?

TeaAndNoSympathy Thu 17-Sep-15 20:32:01

Gosh OP, no this is not trivial at all. This is really really unpleasant actually. And demeaning as you've said. Marriage should be a partnership not this totting up of who contributes what financially and then urging you to 'compensate' for the 'shortfall'.

He sounds like a twat.

Sunshineandsilverbirch Thu 17-Sep-15 20:32:03

I think, I'd find a man that said such nonsense deeply, deeply unattractive.

Men who do their own ironing are very sexy.

DoJo Thu 17-Sep-15 20:33:40

So, by his logic, if he worked 80 hours a week for minimum wage and you worked part-time but still earned more than him, he would genuinely still think it was fair for him to pick up the lion's share of the housework? Even if you wandered the house on your days off, strewing it with detritus in your wake? He is completely delusional and probably needs to realise that a relationship is a partnership, not a financial transaction!

gamerchick Thu 17-Sep-15 20:34:28

Isn't the standard MN response is to get a cleaner?

Personally it would be the hard stare from me, gathering up all his stuff he leaves lying about and putting it in binbags down the side of his bed. Cheeky git.

Mintyy Thu 17-Sep-15 20:34:45

What a charmer! Such a catch. If you don't have children I would extricate yourself without a backward glance. He sounds like a complete and utter bellend.

beardsrock Thu 17-Sep-15 20:35:11

Fuck that.

I earn a third of what DH earns. We are both full time.

We just hired a cleaner, despite DH's protestations. I refuse to be a maid as well as a mother, wife and full time employee.

AnyFucker Thu 17-Sep-15 20:35:41

Did you get angry and take it out on the ironing ?

BarbarianMum Thu 17-Sep-15 20:35:57

Tell him to go f*ck himself. To you really want to be with a man who seems to have you confused with the maid.

AutumnAnne Thu 17-Sep-15 20:36:14

I would get a little flat, in a cheaper area near your work and do as much or little housework as you like whilst saving two hours a day commuting. Leave him to sort out his own housework.

BarbarianMum Thu 17-Sep-15 20:36:23

Do you....

SepticSenga Thu 17-Sep-15 20:36:37

If DH is out working hard providing for his family I don't think that he is bu to come home to a good home.

SepticSenga always polishes the Bed Knobs!!!grin

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