To think the British education system attempts to totally disempowers parents...

(72 Posts)
ArcUp Wed 16-Sep-15 18:50:47

I write this as a mother whose DC1 has just started school. I was expecting some feeling of handing my child over a to a 'system' but have been shocked by the force of that. It is as if the parent suddenly becomes the second fiddle in the child's life. These tests and decisions made by schools and professionals are somewhat overwhelming and there has been an influx of advice on how to parent, on how to teach my child to spell, what I should and should not read to him, what I should and should not feed him, how I should discipline etc. And then he has all day, 5 days a week where I have no say or no input into what or how he learns, suddenly this 'system' knows what is best for my child, apparently over me. And very little about this day is shared with me, apart from snippets at the school gate or small bits of information from dc. I find the whole thing very over-powering and disempowering. And I say all of this from a view point where my son is going to a very good village school. I don't think it is the school at all, just the general approach of education as majority of my friends with similar aged children seem to feel the same way. Parents (or main care givers) are, and will always be, the biggest influence in a child's life, I would expect the education system to embrace that rather than try to replace it.

Egosumquisum Wed 16-Sep-15 18:56:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catfordbetty Wed 16-Sep-15 18:59:38

Home schooling is always an option.

Egosumquisum Wed 16-Sep-15 19:01:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howtorebuild Wed 16-Sep-15 19:01:54

It's currently a case of homeschool, fee pay or take it for the team. If anyone wants to fight this nonsense I will sign a petition.

ErrolTheDragon Wed 16-Sep-15 19:04:22

YANBU - certainly to imply that the education system actively attempts to 'disempower' parents.

Actually, many of the things you complain about may help empower many parents, who may not be sure how to teach spelling or have poor strategies on discipline or nutritional knowledge.

ErrolTheDragon Wed 16-Sep-15 19:04:44

I meant YABU.

hiddenhome2 Wed 16-Sep-15 19:05:44

I think you're being a bit pfb tbh. It's always been this way and it's just part of life and part of growing up. Schools can't consult you over everything, it would prove too difficult. You will receive info on a regular basis, but you can't control everything in your child's life and neither should you be able to.

Egosumquisum Wed 16-Sep-15 19:06:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hiddenhome2 Wed 16-Sep-15 19:11:38

I receive dozens of texts from ds2's primary school. Tbh, I'd rather not as it's irritating. I'm not really bothered about what he's learning so long as he can read, write and cope with numbers to an acceptable standard. Not being bullied is also important. Anything else is just embellishment as far as I'm concerned.

PatriciaHolm Wed 16-Sep-15 19:22:00

I also think you are being somewhat PFB. It can be a shock but I'm not sure what you expected? No communication from school? They are trying to help you support your child. And after all, your child is only there for 30 hours a week, 36 weeks a year - they have far more awake hours with you than school.

HeadDreamer Wed 16-Sep-15 19:22:50

I have a child in reception and I don't recognise what you wrote at all.

There is nothing about how we should parent at all. Or what to read or feed. Yes there is phonics and letters home work. And she has taken home 3 books so far. But I still read her books we picked from the library.

As for spending all day 5 days a week there. YABVVU. It's shorter then full day nursery. Mine starts at 8.45 and finished at 3.15. That's 3 1/2 hours shorter than nursery. 3.5 x 5 = 17.5 hours a week. So about the same time as 3 days at nursery. I would imagine most mums work part time 3 days a week. You do know there are a lot of school holidays? A lot more than our annual leave by far.

If you can't bear someone having more time with your child than you. Then home school him. Don't blame the education system. The problem is you.

Sunshineandsilverbirch Wed 16-Sep-15 19:24:48

there has been an influx of advice on how to parent, on how to teach my child to spell, what I should and should not read to him, what I should and should not feed him, how I should discipline etc.

That must depend on the school - the above doesn't reflect my experience at all.

HeadDreamer Wed 16-Sep-15 19:25:34

Sounds like you need a hobby really.

museumum Wed 16-Sep-15 19:28:49

Some children are not fed well or read to or disciplined in a caring and appropriate way. It is sad. And the best way to try to change this before it becomes serious enough for 1:1 state intervention is to pass on messages about eating, learning and parenting through schools.
Some schools are subtle about this. Some not. But all parents are free to nod and smile while disregarding the advice.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 16-Sep-15 19:28:54

All the 'read to your child/feed them X' stuff I completely ignore. I assume it's for the children whose parents don't read with them and feed them crap. I'm happy with the fucking millions of books we read and what DD eats so I don't need to focus on that.

I was teaching some youth yesterday (I'm not a teacher- - adult ed.) and one of the 12 yo girls said that her homework from school was to read a book for 20 minutes and she couldn't because she didn't have a book. I'm going to assume the school letters about books and reading are aimed at her parents.

As for leaving them there and not seeing them, I understand. They seem so little and babyish. But they have to spread their wings.

Sirzy Wed 16-Sep-15 19:29:15

Sounds like your being vey negative about it all.

School should tell you what methods they use to teach So you can help support the learning.

It's the start of a massive new phase of life for your child, don't let your negative thoughts make it all harder for you both.

Primary schools are generally much better at communicating with parents now than they have been in the past.

Osolea Wed 16-Sep-15 19:29:54

The thing is, you are an educated, literate, interested and involved parent. Sadly, not all are.

Schools sometimes have to assume that parents haven't got a clue simply because some haven't, and they have to be seen to be supporting parents and trying to close the gap between children from certain backgrounds and all the others.

I think you're bring a bit harsh when you say you have no input into what or how your child learns. Did you expect to be able to tell teacher how to do their job and dictate what the curriculum should be?

If you want to have more parental influence and less state influence, then home schooling is a good option.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr Wed 16-Sep-15 19:35:59

YABU, firstly, also with a child who started this year, and your experience is completely different to mine. I've not been given any advice on how to parent, or educate, I've been provided with info on what they're going to do, I've had the teacher ask me lots of questions about DD and how she might react to starting school. I've had the nurse phone me at work on the first day to explain why DD was injured and possibly needed to go to A&E after school (she did, schools reaction was right)

I hear lots of what's happened in the day from DD, the school doesn't seem at all disinterested in me, or my child, and are happy and the teachers are there to chat both before and after.

I don't really understand what input you expect to have, it's a school, it cannot individualize teaching so will have a method in what it teaches, but there is so much else to learn, school is a tiny part of their live, and they really teach the boring easy stuff that almost every kid gets. Reading, Writing, Maths, and socialising.

The problem does seem to be you, and maybe your school, but I think mostly it's your expectations are just mad.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Wed 16-Sep-15 19:43:44

In the nicest possible way I think you need to get over yourself. School is different. For the most part they're better at educating children than parents are, so give them some support and realise that not every note home is a personal insult to you - they're generic and encompass all parents from the best to the worst.

LooseSeal Wed 16-Sep-15 19:44:51

Your OP talks about the British education system being at fault. Do you have experience of another countries state education system being more parent inclusive/less inclined to tell you how to parent for comparison?

Haggisfish Wed 16-Sep-15 19:48:31

Bollocks. Yabu. I got loads of opportunities to learn about better parenting as op mentioned, because our school is in a very deprived area where, essentially, children with poor parenting models are having children themselves. It has been interesting to watch how these parents and their dcs have improved their relationships having taken advantage of the opportunities. Home school if you're that bothered.

yeOldeTrout Wed 16-Sep-15 19:56:44

Parents (or main care givers) are, and will always be, the biggest influence in a child's life, I would expect the education system to embrace that rather than try to replace it.

Except maybe in cases where the parents are truly rubbish? There are some of those around.

I remember feeling a bit like my son had been stolen away from me. But also good thing that my son is a product of many influences, not just his batty mother / parents.

Egosumquisum Wed 16-Sep-15 19:59:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wellthen Wed 16-Sep-15 20:02:40

Can you give some examples? Your op is very general and also quite confusing - did you really expect to have input into what he learns? Did your parents when you were at school?

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