I might come across as very shallow and messed up in this post so please try not to judge me!
One of my best and dearest friends told me today that he has feelings for me that go beyond friendship.
We became friends while working in the same team at work until he moved in December last year. We??re still in the same firm, but different teams now.
We talk everyday and I can tell him anything. He knows all my secrets- who I hate at work, what I think of my boss, etc. He??s a good guy and I??ve leaned on him in times of need. I can??t imagine waking up one day and not being able to message him or speak to him.
It all escalated a couple of weeks ago. I??m a real lightweight and last week I got a little too drunk after some drinks at a common friend??s birthday. This is pretty out of character for me because I tend to avoid alcohol, so he insisted on dropping me home. Given how tipsy I was by then, I gladly agreed. I must have been more drunk than I realised because by the time we got to my flat he had to pick me up and tuck me into bed.
Nothing happened and he was a perfect gentleman but I remember him kissing my forehead and even offering to help me take my makeup off, get me some water.
He told me today that ever since that night his romantic feelings have gotten stronger for me.
Now this is all very complicated because I like him too, but I don??t know if I am attracted to him. He??s a brilliant guy and a really great person but (and this is where I will sound shallow and disgusting) physically, he is completely opposite to ??my type??. I won??t lie- I have thought of him as a potential boyfriend before this confession today, but I always told myself it wouldn??t go anywhere because of the lack of physical attraction on my part.
It??s all totally messed up, because sometimes I do find myself attracted to him! People tell us we already look like a couple. We hold hands at parties without realising it. The other day we were watching a movie at my flat with some other friends, and we ended up cuddling together and didn't notice it was strange until everyone else started giving us odd looks.
Above anything else, I am concerned that if a relationship doesn??t work out for us in the long run, I will lose possibly the best friend I??ve ever had.
And a relationship might not work for two reasons- he wants children eventually and I am adamant that I don??t. He is extreeeeemely stingy and while I do save money, I definitely enjoying spending it too! I don??t think these are differences where a compromise is really possible.
For example, I love going out and having a nice time but he never even eats at restaurants (NEVER).
Lastly, he is a colleague. Since he is in a different team now, there isn??t any rule against us being together, but I am still not 100% comfortable. I??ve been betrayed many times in the past so I worry that if this doesn??t work, maybe he will get vindictive and go around telling people (like my boss) what I really feel or what I said about them etc etc.
When he made this confession, I told him that I had never thought of him that way (I had to lie a bit, because I don??t want to say anything until I am sure of my own feelings). and that if he ever stopped being friends with me because of this I would hunt him down and kidnap him. I kept stressing how good we are as friends and how we need to make sure we never lose that. He said he agreed with me totally, but I hope he doesn't change his mind.
I??m so confused right now. I am worried about losing my best friend (for example, what happens when I find someone else? will he be able to be around us), worried about how to protect his feelings worried about how to behave around him now! And worried about the small possibility of a potential drama at work.
I am also worried about whether I am placing too much emphasis on looks and physical attraction? Am I shallow?!
Any advice is appreciated. Anyone who has been through something similar, please shout!
AIBU?
AIBU- best friend just told me he has feelings for me.
RachelGreen7 · 12/09/2015 05:46
I was friends with DH before we started dating. Sometimes it's a risk you have to take. It may or may not work out but if you don't take the risk and then one of you find someone else you may loose him anyway.
My DH is tight and I am less careful with money but we mange that with very few arguments. Generally a case of I've already spent it so tough 
. He is actually getting better and I think I am being more reasonable with what I buy so we have helped each other.
I'm not sure if you can work through one wanting a child and one not. These are usually not something people can compromise on if your certain.
That being said I have a friend who all through her 20s said she didn't want any kids but has just started trying for a baby so people can change their minds.
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