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AIBU?

To be so upset that everyone seems to forget about me?

40 replies

Sinkingships · 02/09/2015 14:49

Please be gentle with me today as I'm feeling very emotionally fragile anyway and this has just pushed me over the edge.

My parents are currently looking after my DC's.

I am fed up of seeing comments from friends and family on FB basically forgetting that I exist - for example one of my DC's has a disability and my own sister tagged my parents in an article to do with parents of children with the disability but not me. I know from conversations with my DF that she has strong feelings about the whole situation but has never bothered to actually talk to me about it and her doing things like this is like she is purposely rubbing it in my face.

This sort of thing happens frequently and I am just fed up of people seemingly forgetting that actually, they are still my children! They haven't been adopted, I am still their parent and I am still very much involved in their lives. The way they act it's as if I have just disappeared off the face of the earth.

I realise I probably Abu and oversensitive but I just wish that people would be a bit more tactful and realise that posting this sort of stuff where they know I can see it is really offensive and hurtful to me.

OP posts:

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anothermakesthree · 02/09/2015 14:53

I'm a bit confused. Do you mean your children don't live with you and you feel other people seem to assume you are no longer in their lives as they don't include/tag you on Fb when referring to them?

JawannaDrink · 02/09/2015 14:59

Do your children live with your parents? If so it makes sense for them to get tagged and not you. Its only fb though, it sounds like you have bigger problems tbh.

Sinkingships · 02/09/2015 15:00

Yes, basically. It's as if, because they don't live with me, I am totally uninvolved with their lives and I'm not their mother anymore, which couldn't be further from the truth.

I know it seems silly but it's not just a one off comment now and then it's a gradual dribble of little comments that just build up and are extremely painful for me.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 02/09/2015 15:02

Perhaps they are trying to be tactful and not tagging you in case it upsets you? Well meaning but badly aimed.

They probably don't know what to say to you, rather than maliciously leaving you out.

JawannaDrink · 02/09/2015 15:03

Or it's they don't live with you so other people talk to your parents about their day to day lives. That's just normal behaviour. Its your reading of it that makes it a personal attack on you.

Gruntfuttock · 02/09/2015 15:04

If your children are living with your parents, it makes sense to tag your parents,

MsJamieFraser · 02/09/2015 15:10

In all honestly if your parents are your children's primary careers then its understandable why people would go to them about articles concerning the children.

yanbu however, its thoughtless behaviour.

Witchend · 02/09/2015 15:11

She's probably trying not to upset you.

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 02/09/2015 15:13

Could you be hurting because your children don't live with you?

I'm only asking because my children live with my parents on a PT basis and people tag them in parenting articles they believe are relative, it doesn't particularly bother me.

YANBU to feel left out, but I don't think it's anything done to deliberately to hurt you.

Sinkingships · 02/09/2015 15:17

In all honesty, I don't have a problem with people tagging my parents in things like that, it does make sense as it is relevent to their lives at the moment. However, it is also still relevent to me, just because dc isn't physically with me at the moment doesn't mean that an article about his disability isn't also relevent to me (for example).

Witch, I don't think she is necessarily purposely trying to upset me but given the comments she's made to DF about the situation, I feel that it may have been a dig at me in that particular case.

OP posts:

Sinkingships · 02/09/2015 15:19

Yes, lost, I am massively hurting. Hence why it's such a sore subject for me and I don't know how to address it.

OP posts:

Osolea · 02/09/2015 15:22

Maybe the article is something that you sister thought your parents would find useful but talked about something your sister thought you'd already be aware of.

I think you are probably over thinking your sisters motives, and your feeling upset probably does have more to do with how you feel about your children living elsewhere than it does about tagging an FB article.

Griphook · 02/09/2015 15:37

Maybe your sister disagrees with your children living with your parents and this is a dig at you in a passive aggressive why.

Maybe you need to talk to her, explain te situation or tell her to keep her nose out

AuntyMag10 · 02/09/2015 15:47

I think as you are feeling a bit sensitive, you are overthinking it. As they are the primary caregivers it makes sense to direct any information to them especially as it is your dps who might implement anything new with the kids. Your dsis and friends may not be excluding you, just that they don't want to upset you.

scarlets · 02/09/2015 16:17

I think that you should tell your parents how you feel, and let them tactfully disseminate that info to the wider family.

Hope you're ok.

steff13 · 02/09/2015 16:29

Maybe if your parents tagged you in the articles themselves, people would see it and get the idea that you should be tagged, too.

Do you have a reunification plan? Maybe people don't know when/if the kids will be back with you, and they don't want to upset you, or maybe they don't realize the situation is temporary.

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 02/09/2015 16:36

I hope you are okay?

My situation is very different in that it was my choice to give my parents PT care, so I could continue to work after becoming a single parent, but it can still be hard knowing I'm not going to see them from Thursday morning through to Monday afternoon.

I'm happy to chat via PM if you need to.

I would do as others have suggested and broach the subject gently with your parents if you are able.

Sinkingships · 02/09/2015 17:03

Griphook, I know she disagrees with it but unfortunately at the moment it isn't in my power to change it. She should know after conversations with DP's that it was not my decision or my fault so why she is acting like this I don't know but that makes it even more hurtful.

I want to discuss it with her but I'm worried that I will get very angry with her and I don't want to do or say anything to cause friction in the family.

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Griphook · 02/09/2015 17:17

I thought that might be her angle,

She wants you to react, ignore her, let her get herself in a twirl. If your mum and dad are happy and dc's are ok then let her stew.

Spartans · 02/09/2015 17:21

It makes sense for her to tag your parents in. If she is angry with you then she won't tag you in. I am not saying its ok.

Maybe she does believe you are to blame. But I suspect this is more about your hurt/anger over the situation.

chicaguapa · 02/09/2015 17:24

You say people in your OP but I can only see examples of your sister doing this. If you know she disapproves of the current arrangement I can see why you would feel sensitive about it. Although if that's the only way she can respond to the situation you're in, ie by having a PA pop at you, I wouldn't hold much value on her opinion tbh.

cestlavielife · 02/09/2015 17:27

you need to ignore it.
are you getting help eg counsellinjg?
speak to your therapist about all this. talk it through. dont over analyse.

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Sinkingships · 02/09/2015 17:29

There are other examples chica but I can't remember exactly what they said, it's her comments that stick out the most.

Spartans, she knows the details so she should know that I'm not to blame but I sort of get the feeling that she doesn't really care and is determined to make her opinion known. I've not had any communication from her in over a year.

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Osolea · 02/09/2015 17:34

If you haven't spoken to her in over a year, then it would probably be just as odd if she started tagging you in articles on Facebook, and there'd be just as much scope for you to take offence.

Spartans · 02/09/2015 17:35

Yes but there are people out there that may still lay some blame at your door. That you could have done something different. Not saying that's it right or ok. But that's what some people are like.

If other people are doing it, maybe they do it because they don't know what would be the right thing. Do thatany people really tag your parents onto things about your kids?

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