To take the furniture that I paid for?

(36 Posts)
MagersfonteinLugg Tue 01-Sep-15 22:42:30

Split from DH and moved into a private rented house.
Family home ( if you could call it that) was large and spacious so new house much smaller.
I have taken only the stuff that I paid for, which TBF is a lot. It includes the DCs beds, bedding,freezer, fridge freezer, sofas, dining table and chairs, bookcases, TV stands, pictures, etc.
DH now complaining that he is having to buy new stuff to put back in his (family home) as I have 'stolen' it all.
I have the basics whilst he has all the luxuries that he paid for such as plasma tvs and the house itself.
AIBU in taking this stuff? TBH its all a bit tatty and its not like he can't afford to replace it. He has the house FGS what more does he want?

OwlinaTree Tue 01-Sep-15 22:48:54

Well without knowing you and your ex h's financial arrangements we can't answer really.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Tue 01-Sep-15 23:00:57

Without knowing the full story, it's probably fair.

Where do dcs stay most?

Their beds should be in their main home.

Apart from that, if the rest was yours and you left his plasma tvs... I think it's reasonable.

wasonthelist Tue 01-Sep-15 23:31:34

IIRC from my divorce, the concept of what you paid for and he paid for is largely irrelevant when you marry people, however using lawyers to argue about it would mean selling it all to pay their fees, so, possession being 9/10ths, you're probably in luck.

No idea if YABU as don't have all facts.

ollieplimsoles Tue 01-Sep-15 23:43:57

I would take it, he's not the one having to pay more for rent each month. Are the dcs living with you mainly? If so they need a proper furnished place.

sykadelic Wed 02-Sep-15 03:45:31

If you're married, it's all marital so it doesn't really matter who paid for what. Which is good especially in families where the other party doesn't work and therefore would end up with nothing if that were the yard stick.

So yes, I do think YABU to just "take it". You'd be saying the same if he kicked you out and left you with nothing.

FishWithABicycle Wed 02-Sep-15 07:23:50

Whose bank account the money came from is irrelevant. In the case of a couple splitting up where one had been a SAHP all the cash would have been from the WOH person but that would not mean they got all the furniture. If a couple are splitting who arranged their finances to say one salary goes into an account that is used to pay bills and food, and the other salary goes into an account that is used to buy everything else including furniture and luxuries, that would not mean the second person got to keep all the stuff their salary was spent on.

It's sad when a relationship breaks down and difficult to be reasonable when you are hurting so much but the principle to work on as far as possible is 50 50 for each category of thing unless both of you agree a different plan is sensible for some categories.

FrancesOldhamKelseyRIP Wed 02-Sep-15 07:26:56

I agree - "I paid for that" is not the way to do it in a married family of long standing.

Lilaclily Wed 02-Sep-15 07:27:02

If the dcs are staying with you most of the time you should have stayed in the marital home
Taking fridges etc is very petty
And leaving the kids there beds in their dads house would have been the nicest thing to do

XCChamps Wed 02-Sep-15 07:29:04

I think you're letting yourself be short changed. He doesn't get to keep the house (or the plasma TV) just because he paid for it - unless that suits you both.

Is the value of what you've taken similar to what he's kept?

FrancesOldhamKelseyRIP Wed 02-Sep-15 07:37:27

Yes where are the DC? If you've "taken" them why didn't you kick him out and stay in the family home? If you haven't taken them then obviously you'd be hugely unreasonable to take the beds. If you're going for any degree of shared residency then new beds need to be bought but not necessarily by XH - surely it would be more efficient to get the new beds delivered straight to your new place rather than go to the expense/effort of moving the old ones to another house then having new ones delivered to old house.

MagersfonteinLugg Wed 02-Sep-15 13:29:24

The DCs are with me of course. As Ive been a SAHM I stupidly thought I could rely on DH to be fair but our whole marriage ended up with his money paid for mortgage so his house. The DCs and I were pretty much lodgers to all intents and purposes.
I used the CB to pay for food and all the DCs clothes, toys etc. I paid for the majority of the furniture because, left to DH they would never have had new beds, drawers, desks for their bedrooms. So most of it came from my odd part time jobs that he insisted had to fit in with the DCs schooldays as he wasnt prepared to give up his evenings or weekends to "allow" me to find work then.
I have seen a solicitor who did inform me that I am legally entitled to take 50% from the marriage, but I knew he would fight me tooth and nail and just wanted to get out and make a fresh start. When I told him that I wanted to leave and what the solicitor had told me, he immediately reminded me that I owed him £200 from 13 years ago. I realised in that second that my contribution to 15 years of marriage (cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare) was invisible to him and that as my monetary input was minimal then I should get nothing out of the split.
So, knowing I couldnt afford to furnish a new place elsewhere I just took what I had paid for, nothing else.
He has the £200k house. I managed to persuade him to let me have the car instead of child maintenance as I needed it to get the DCs to school.
Sorry if Ive missed anything.

BarbarianMum Wed 02-Sep-15 13:33:39

YABU in that you are being short-changed. Are you sure you don't want to claim some of the equity in the house? Apply to the CSA (or whatever it is called now) for child maintenance payments at least (no matter what you "agreed" with him).

Oswin Wed 02-Sep-15 13:35:34

Op you cant let him get away with not paying maintenance. A car? That's not even your fair share of the house.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 02-Sep-15 13:38:39

Really? You're going to need a financial settlement in the divorce and his opinion of your contribution is not really important when the law says different.

I'd be expecting 50% plus child maintainence as a minimum. And I'd take it, not get whatever stbxh decided to bestow.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 02-Sep-15 13:39:10

Half his pension too smile

AyeAmarok Wed 02-Sep-15 13:40:03

Eh... I really think you need to get a new lawyer.

You are being shafted.

And go to the CSA about maintenance, it's your children's right and you and he both owe them the privilege (ha) of being supported by both parents.

ArcheryAnnie Wed 02-Sep-15 13:43:47

YANBU, except, dear god, I'd have taken the telly as well, if he got the sodding house.

Yanbu to have taken some furniture, at all.

YABVU to accept this settlement. If it is not signed, sealed and 100% delivered then do not agree to this. You're short changing you and your kids.

Car instead of maintenance is a joke.

BlahBlahUsername Wed 02-Sep-15 13:55:47

Why are you accepting so little? Stop seeing it as 'yours' and 'his', especially as he is being so incredibly selfish. Fight for what is fair for your children.

coveredinsnot Wed 02-Sep-15 14:03:09

No wonder you've ditched this man. He sounds like a complete arse. Get some decent advice from a decent lawyer and get what you're actually fairly owed.

Lucked Wed 02-Sep-15 14:06:33

Why are you also seeing your contribution to the marriage in purely monetary input, you know you are worth more than that.

Lawyer up about the house ASAP and if the car in now only in your name go to csa, he has children and he is responsible for them. Don't listen to his whinging his bad mood is not your problem!

I would write down a list of assets still left in the house whilst you remember, include things that you might not think of like tools, lawnmower, his gadgets etc.

Lucked Wed 02-Sep-15 14:08:06

Oh yes movingup is right don't forget his pension!!

Theycallmemellowjello Wed 02-Sep-15 14:23:26

Oh my god. Please, please do not let him just have the £200k house! Yes divorce proceedings can be costly and stressful, but if you're talking about these kinds of sums then it has to be worth it. You owe it to your children to get your property (ie potentially 50% of the value of the house) back. Why raise your kids in unnecessary penury? Good luck. Please don't make any concessions to your dh, orally or in writing, get back in to the solicitor and go forward from there.

AnUtterIdiot Wed 02-Sep-15 14:31:15

Wow. You don't need a new lawyer, you need to listen to the one you've got. You and your children have rights over the house and the marital property that you and your husband have accumulated. And the right to maintenance is a right that your children have. I don't think you should have swapped it for the car. I'm not even sure you can swap it like that.

I know this must all be incredibly hard for you but you need to square your shoulders and fight for the post-divorce life that you and your children deserve.

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