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AIBU?

So upset...husband left children alone, twice, asleep, LOCKED IN!

141 replies

jemama333 · 31/08/2015 11:27

Hi all, I have joined Mumsnet specifically to post in this forum as I am so upset and would welcome your views.

Yesterday evening I was at a meeting, and didn't have the car as we had a drink in the afternoon at a party. While I was there I got a text from home saying "do you want a lift back as I have to pop out to the shop anyway?" I said, ok, thanks, but I think the shop may be shut when I'm finished, and suggested he tried to find out the closing time.

If we need to nip out when the children (very nearly 8, and 6) are in bed, my adult daughter lives next door, and we would usually ask her to come into our house, so I presumed this was what he was going to do.

I didn't hear any more, so texted to ask if was around or should I walk - only 10 minutes walk, didn't mind at all - he said he was outside to give me a lift. On the way back, I asked if he got what he wanted at the shop, and he said he was worried it would have closed so had gone earlier - he had just come for me as a second trip out. I commented that (adult daughter) wouldn't be too happy being asked to come round twice, and he said "oh, she wouldn't come, she has friends round, she said she can hear stuff in our house, I just locked them in." AT WHICH POINT I NEARLY SHOT OUT OF THE CAR WINDOW IN FRIGHT AND STARTED RUNNING.

I start ranting....hurry up, hurry up, I'll ring her and get her to go in - although we were 3 minutes from home by then when he said, "Oh, but I've got the keys with me!" Cue even more frantic ranting and every scenario you can imagine going through my head. He said he left the keys behind on the first occasion but forgot the second time.

I was out of that car before he had pulled down the drive, and in the door - all quiet. He comes in...."see, nothing has gone wrong, you can calm down now" At which point I go off like a firework again, as THAT IS NOT THE POINT!!

By the time we get to bed, I am still fuming, and he was apologising for his "stupid misjudgement" and that he had learnt his lesson etc. I can't forget this. He is normally very good with the children.

I have been thinking about asking him if we can separate for some time now, as I don't love him - there is no physical attraction at all, and I feel we would be better as co-parents who didn't live together. The only thing that stops me is that (as I have a few issues from my childhood) I don't know if there is "something wrong" with me, that might change my feelings if I dealt with the problem. However, after last night.....am I being unreasonable to have let this affect me so badly, and to want to end things NOW?

Would appreciate your advice folks. :(

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PennyHasNoSurname · 31/08/2015 11:35

I do not think it is appropriate to leave an 8yo and a 6yo alone in the house asleep or awake regardless. However your reaction in the car was beyond ridiculous. Id imagine the screeching and stressing would have been incredibly distracting to a driver.

If he is normally very good with the children then I would say that what has happened is more a difference of opinion (I do think there is a large amount of people qho would say what he did was fine).

Whilst I am of your thinking, I also think that your DH is not necessarily wrong - maybe these sorts of things should be clarified between you both.