To want to mention this?

[CrohnicallyAspie]

I looked after a 5 year old at my house today. She was playing quite happily with my DD and we did a few activities together. She also admired some of my DD's toys, among other we've been collecting some little freebies.

After the 5 year old had gone home, I was tidying up and couldn't find one of the little freebies. The one in question is the 'best' one, ie it's pink and sparkly, all of the others are flat, dull colours. I remember the 5 year old particularly mentioning this one when she was looking at DD's toys earlier.

AIBU to think the 5 year old may have pocketed it? And if I really can't find it later after DD has gone to bed and I've completely blitzed the living room, WIBU to casually ask the 5 year old's mum if she's seen it? (Casually as in not accusing the 5 year old of taking it but along the lines of- oh DD's got some of those, but we lost the pink one recently, you didn't see it when you picked child up, did you?)

It's not the actual toy I'm bothered about- after all it was free- more concerned that I often have this child over to play with DD (and vice versa) and I don't want her thinking it's ok to take things that aren't hers. It wouldn't be practical to put all of DD's stuff away when the 5 year old comes over (besides, what if she took a fancy to something of mine next time?)

[snoozeyoulose]

I'm relatively up front so I would ask. Along the lines of "hi ..... DD is looking for her pink sparkly toy and I was wondering if your dd has picked it up mistakenly. She's not stopped asking for it!" If she has taken it then it would be the last time she would be in my house for a play date. Simple as that!

[Jux]

Just say you think she may have forgotten it was in her pocket. Don't pussyfoot around.. She almost certainly has, but she's far too young to be accused of stealing, may well not quite have got to grips with the concept. If you get all embarrassed it will be far more damaging than just saying you think she's got it. If you're not embarrssed to ask, it shows that you understand that children sometimes do that sort of thing and you're not judging her - does that make sense?

[CrohnicallyAspie]

Thanks. snooze she is only 5 so I wouldn't hold it against her to the point of not inviting her over again, I do get that children do that sort of thing sometimes so wouldn't worry too much unless it became a pattern of behaviour.

I did feel that things like this are better out in the open- but also worry that this might be one of those NT social norms that I missed out on (along with don't chastise another child if their parent is present and paying attention).

[EponasWildDaughter]

I actually wouldn't say anything.

The child is only 5, and the toy was a freebie.

If it happens a second time with a different toy i would gird my loins and say something to the mum. Perhaps along the lines of - 'i hate to ask, but has little X taken home with her? Only we cant find it anywhere'.

[ladygracie]

I would text & ask what snoozy suggested. Very clear & no suggestion that it was done on purpose.

[Cherryblossomsinspring]

She probably took it. When I was that age I took a little wind up car from a friends house that I took a shine to. I just wanted it so badly. When my mum saw me with it she put me straight in the car and I had to hand it back and apologise. I certainly ly learnt that lesson! Call and ask.

[Lurkedforever1]

I'd go with snoozeys text. Except I wouldn't hold it against her as a one off at 5 if she has. Double check with your dd though- mine once hid a barbie her friend kept asking to take home, mistakenly thinking friend might take it. I only found out anything about it when barbie turned up in my knee high boot.

[Rainuntilseptember15]

Not sure if you have actually asked your dd yet? Mine is alway appearing with things another child has lent him - and his things are handed over at school too. So just be sure it hasn't been swapped!

[Pico2]

I'd ask. If your child had done that, wouldn't you want to be asked?

Children do take things. We had a 4 yo over who tried to make off with one of DD's accessories. She was wearing it and told her mother it was hers. Obviously her mother knew it wasn't hers, so it was a bit funny to watch the girl try to brazen it out with her mum. We've had her back since with no problems. Children sometimes test things out I work out the boundaries.

[Spilose]

Please ask the girls parents. I stole friends toy when i was a similar age. Her parents mentioned it to mine and it was swiftly returned!

[CrohnicallyAspie]

rain I could try asking DD but I don't know if I would get much of an answer... She's not even 3 yet!

I am seeing the parents at the weekend so will ask then, less likely to be misconstrued than a text! (I don't do phone calls if I can help it!)

[DinosaursRoar]

I'd go with snoozey's text, she's only 5, so this is a good chance for her parents to have a chat about not taking other people's stuff.

[CrohnicallyAspie]

Too many exclamation marks! I'll get my coat

[DinosaursRoar]

oh X post - Id actually send the text now, so they can talk to her without you there, and have it ready to give you when they see you at the weekend, rather than you put them on the spot face to face, and you be there when they are trying to talk to their DD about it...

[CrohnicallyAspie]

It's a bit late now, she will know that DD has been in bed for a couple of hours so it won't seem 'natural', I'd be better off doing it in the morning (and say DD was looking for it when she got up)

[JuJuMun69]

I wouldnt actually say anything. How do you actually know she's taken it? Kids have a way of sticking stuff places that we wouldnt dream of and are never found again. Its a freebie thing anyway so I dont really understand you turning the place upside down to look for it? Let it go.

[CrohnicallyAspie]

It's the principle of the thing dammit! I'm autistic and one of my 'things' is losing stuff. It bothers me if eg there is a piece missing from a game. These freebies form part of a collection, and I know it will bother me if I get all the others but this one is still missing.

I don't know that she's taken it, otherwise in wouldn't be asking about it. But again, it will bother me if other things go missing (or I see them at their house) and I didn't take the chance to bring it up now.

[JuJuMun69]

Errr ok then... go ask. No need to be so snappy though huh.

[CrohnicallyAspie]

Sorry, I didn't mean to be snappy, the 'dammit' was supposed to be a joke (it works when I say it...)

[CrohnicallyAspie]

One of those where the tone didn't translate well into text I guess

[JuJuMun69]

Im just scared that you will open up a whole can of worms here. Is it worth it?

[JuJuMun69]

Frisk her next time before she leaves

[CrohnicallyAspie]

Well, that depends. If she did take it then I guess it would be worth it if the child learns that it's not on to take things that aren't yours, and the mum recognises that it's the principle not the toy that's the issue.

If she didn't and the mum takes offence at me asking then no it isn't worth it.

[JuJuMun69]

Maybe youve just answered your own question then and ask.

I personally wouldnt bother.

[CrohnicallyAspie]

When I was a teenager, I was arrested for shoplifting, the very first time I tried it. The item I attempted to steal was very low value, so I was arrested (and scared out of my wits) but the shopkeeper didn't press charges.

If I had got away with it that time, I would have carried on, having learned that it being illegal doesn't matter if you don't get caught.

That's the kind of thing I want to avoid. I'm sure if she did take it, it was a silly, spur of the moment, 5YO impulse. But if she learns that she can sometimes get away with it, it could become a habit, and it could be hard to break (since sometimes she gets the reward of whatever she took). It's like gambling for kids!