To be peed off with mil re: my ds birthday plans

[FuryFowler]

It's my ds birthday next month, he'll be 6. pil live 3hrs away and usually come and stay locally to us for 2/3 days so they can see him on his birthday.... His bday falls on a sat, so they'll be here fri-mon.

Coincidentally my sil (pil daughter) is staying in our area at the same time (it's a touristy area and they visited before we moved here) arriving on afternoon of my ds birthday.

Mil has been suggesting things to do for a day out with ds on his birthday. Which is fine, but I suggested that we do the nice day out on the Sunday, so sil, her dh, and their newborn ds can spend the day with us too.
But mil was't keen on this idea and kept going on about what we'll do on his actual birthday, and was really pushing doing a day out without sil as she doesn't want to upset her son inlaws (her dds dh) parents by doing something with her newborn gc that they won't be involved in!
So she'd rather not spend a nice day out with all her gc together (which has only ever happened once before, at a party last month which the other set of parents were at) at risk of upsetting the other gp?

Ainu to think this is crazy, and actually feel like she's put their feelings before mine?

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

Could you bypass her to ask SIL if this is really an issue? And if so, whether SIL wants to spend the day together anyway or would rather not? If you get on with SIL, that's lovely and there is no reason that MIL should be the gatekeeper of that relationship or the conduit for information.

Because if SIL is happy to join you, you can just tell MIL that and cut all this short.

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

Have a chat with ds about what he would like to do for his birthday, then he can tell grandma.
Stress the fun of cousins and new baby, but make it sound like its his idea.

[FuryFowler]

Yes I do get on well with sil. Mil additional suggestion was to have a day out with pil on ds birthday day. And then she'll leave us to it on the sun to have a day out with sil, pury for not wanting to upset the other gp! Which is crazy! We should all just spend a nice day out together on the Sunday :/

[amarmai]

thing is -YOU are the mother and you decide!

[FuryFowler]

Haha amarmai.... Many things fall on deaf ears with my mil!

[amarmai]

then you develop deafer ears and respond minimally but no discussion. As we say on mn NO.

[FuryFowler]

Thanks amarmai :)

[SquinkiesRule]

She sounds a bit crackers. So she only sees her new grandchild when the other GP's are around? Or she's restricted to only seeing the baby by whether the other GP's say it's OK?

[FuryFowler]

squinkles I thinks it's more because she will be spending time with gc away from home, on "holiday" I guess, doing touristy things. Whereas bothers of gp live close to sil, so they see gc quite often but in a local/home setting. This will be the 1st time mil will be spending time with gc away from home and she's worried that it'll upset the other gp, which from what I've heard about them, it probably will. But that's no reason not to spend time with all gp together :/

[FuryFowler]

Both sets, no bothers!

[sooperdooper]

Does mil always look for issues that don't necessarily exist? I'd speak direct to SIL, and if she wants to have a day out with you all just tell mil that's what's happening.

God people fussing about non existent problems drives me mad, just ignore her

[FuryFowler]

sooper I think there's a hidden agenda as she kept saying "well what will you do on his actually birthday?" And "He's got to do something special on his birthday"... I just kept saying that he won't know any different or won't be that bothered as he's only 6!
So I think she's actually quite keen to have a day out on his actual birthday day, rather than have a nicer family day out the day after.
I will chat to sil and see what she fancies doing on the Sunday.