To kill my husband to death?

(42 Posts)
SwearyGodmother Thu 27-Aug-15 12:29:09

We have guests this week. I bought a jar of Lotus biscuit spread for us to have at breakfasts. I tend to not have it in the house after the jar/spoon incident in the spring but thought that having guests was a lovely excuse for a treat, and wouldn't result in me eating it all like a pig.

"D"H has only gone and given them the fucking jar as a "gift from Sweary" so I look like a loon who gives people jars of biscuit spread and, more importantly, I don't get to have some on toast for breakfast.

WIBU to actually kill the fucker?

Icimoi Thu 27-Aug-15 12:30:11

That sounds justifiable to me.

Icimoi Thu 27-Aug-15 12:31:03

Waiting for someone to turn up self-righteously telling OP off about DV any minute now ...

NoisyOyster Thu 27-Aug-15 12:31:36

Yes but you need to make it painful.

happymummyone Thu 27-Aug-15 12:32:06

Ha! My DP wouldn't have been sharing that stuff, let alone giving away a whole jar.

TPel Thu 27-Aug-15 12:34:51

I'm sure we can supply you with an alibi wink

MagpieCursedTea Thu 27-Aug-15 12:50:14

Buy more, do not allow him to eat any. The punishment should fit the crime!

HackerFucker22 Thu 27-Aug-15 12:53:40

What is lotus spread?

ProcrastinatorGeneral Thu 27-Aug-15 12:55:05

I bought a jar for the toast hatch at toddlers once. None of us liked it so we gave it to the first mum who proclaimed a vague liking for it. Waste of £2!

TheHouseOnTheLane Thu 27-Aug-15 12:55:34

Had to Google to see what it is....am I right in thinking it's basically creamed biscuits? shock

fuzzywuzzy Thu 27-Aug-15 12:55:37

Kill him. We'll provide the alibi.

Was it crunchy? Wish they did it in family size...

wasonthelist Thu 27-Aug-15 12:57:37

Waiting for someone to turn up self-righteously telling OP off about DV any minute now ...
I am a big fan of comedic hyperbolic advocation of violence, but I do wonder how far I'd get on here (as a bloke) advocating such stuff....

Hamiltoes Thu 27-Aug-15 12:57:47

Oooh I'm sitting here counting the hours til tea break time at work, i just made us all a bannoffee pie with an added layer of crunchy melted lotus spread!!

YANBU, it's the stuff dreams are made of.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 27-Aug-15 13:00:17

Mmmmm speculaas! Food of the gods

Kill him OP. Stone dead. Then he won't do it again <logic>

TheLightsWinning Thu 27-Aug-15 13:02:31

Absolutely fair. Possibly bury him in lotus spread.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 27-Aug-15 13:08:04

He's given a jar of your favourite spread to your guests? shock Whatever possessed him?

Did he wrap it and attach a card from both of you? If so, make sure he lingers in agony for a few hours before you deliver the coup de grace. If not, make sure he lingers for a couple of days.

PageStillNotFound404 Thu 27-Aug-15 13:08:38

Absolutely fair. Possibly bury him in lotus spread.

That would be a heinous waste of lotus spread.

Batter him with a heavy dry un-lotus-spreaded rock cake, that'll larn him.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 27-Aug-15 13:16:17

Wonder no more,*wasonthelist*. You'd get a virtual kicking and find yourself pushing up the daisies buried under the virtual patio in double quick time. grin

<checks stock of quick lime>

bessarabiantiger Thu 27-Aug-15 15:15:07

Procrastinatorgeneral : what is a toast hatch? Where do I get a toast hatch? I DEMAND A TOAST HATCH.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Thu 27-Aug-15 15:34:40

The kitchen at toddler group has a hatch into the main room. From it we dispense brews, biscuits and toast to the masses. It's the toast hatch grin

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Thu 27-Aug-15 15:37:24

Of course YWBU to kill him to death.

FFS what self respecting women would do something like this without making him replace the biscuit spread first

wink

CoteDAzur Thu 27-Aug-15 15:37:40

YANBU. What was the jar/spoon incident?

MorrisZapp Thu 27-Aug-15 15:42:21

It's ridiculous to murder somebody because of spread based trauma. Save capital punishment for where it's needed.

people who say newtella

TheCatsMother99 Thu 27-Aug-15 16:21:35

How is he not dead already?!

BaldricksTurnip Thu 27-Aug-15 16:27:25

Yes could you expand on the jar/spoon incident?

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