ExP paying for ex wife and her new partner to take kids on holiday......

(11 Posts)
Cazzybaby Fri 21-Aug-15 09:25:40

I'm fuming! My partner left me at 8 weeks pregnant the relationship broke down. Since then he has offered me no financial support, I understand he does not legally have to provided for his unborn child until he is born but babies cost money! My pregnancy is high risk and I'm being scanned every 4 weeks in London at a specialist unit due to my DD having a genetic condition. This is costing me a fortune in train fairs to London parking and childcare for DD whilst I attend these appointments. So far everything the baby needs has been bought by myself.
ExP has to DDs with his first wife. Last month he transferred her more than double his usual maintenance payment. last night I had yet ANOTHER conversation with him about him providing things for his unborn son or helping me with some off the costs relating to pregnancy and him telling me he doesn't need anything until he is born. I asked why his ex wife had received so much money last month he tells me that she's taking the kids away (with her new partner) and he was paying towards the cost off the holiday! WTF!
What makes this situation worse is that when we moved in together I cut my hours down at work to enable me to care for my DD (who is disabled) with both salaries it was affordable. Now I'm on my own even with tax credits I can't afford to live in this house only working two days a week and being pregnant and due in 16 weeks not in a position to increase my hours so I've sold my house and in the process off buying somewhere cheaper. So he has left me pregnant caring for a disabled 7 year old having to move house and offering no support whilst he pays for his ex wife and kids to go on holiday arrrrrgggggggg.

MidnightVelvetthe3rd Fri 21-Aug-15 09:42:05

tbh the situation between your ex & his ex wife & their child maintenance isn't really your business now that he's your ex. It bodes well that he pays a decent amount to the ex wife & is not one of these dads who tries to squirm out of paying. You don't know the full situation, it could be that he will be drastically lowering payments to the ex wife after your baby is born so the holiday contribution was a token payment of sorts.

I don't know the rules about CM surrounding unborn babies but I agree that he could assist you more with the expenses. Could you phone the CSA for advice?

I think yabu to be fuming about the amount of money he provides for his children from his first marriage, they need to be supported as well.

Mermaidhair Fri 21-Aug-15 09:42:41

It sounds like you are having a tough time. Is the 7 year old his?

Osolea Fri 21-Aug-15 09:43:25

What your ex pays for his older children isn't something that need concern you right now, at least it shows that he is prepared to pay for his children. If he's paying towards his dc having a holiday that he isn't even going on, I think that reflects well on him, not badly. Don't ask him what he's giving his ex wife, it's irrelevant.

I think it's fair for you to ask him for a contribution towards your transport for your scans, although childcare for your dd is not his responsibility, you need to be firm and clear about the direct costs of his child and ask for half. Try not to muddy the waters with talk of what he gives his children from his marriage, it will only complicate things.

MidnightVelvetthe3rd Fri 21-Aug-15 09:43:30

Also, sorry I meant to add this to my first post, if you're not receiving CM for the 7 year old then maybe this should be chased.

KellyElly Fri 21-Aug-15 09:44:19

I think your situation regarding him and the money he should give you is a separate issue. He should pay half for his children to go on holiday. He shouldn't pay towards his ex wife and her partner, which I'm sure he isn't unless he is a complete fool.

iwantgin Fri 21-Aug-15 09:48:04

Have you asked for some financial help towards your hospital visits?

At least he sounds as if he'll pay maintenance to your new baby. Given that he does so with his older Dc.

Cazzybaby Fri 21-Aug-15 09:51:29

I think I'm more upset about him not helping me with any off the costs relating to the new baby. Seeing a solicitor next week but pretty sure legally he does not have to help until he is born, not sure tho whether due to the extra expenses involved as the pregnancy is high risk there is grounds to ask for help now.
He tries to do right by his girls, it upsets me that he doesn't feel the need to support his unborn son in any way.

Cazzybaby Fri 21-Aug-15 09:52:35

I've asked he says 'they should be paying for it' by they he means the NHS.

Osolea Fri 21-Aug-15 09:57:23

It sounds like he will support his son when he is born. Could you maybe show him your train ticket and parking reciepts and ask for half the amount? I used to take pictures of things like that on my phone and text or email them to ex so he could see what he was being asked to pay for and could easily tell that I was asking for half of a cost directly associated with our children.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Fri 21-Aug-15 09:59:27

You will drive yourself mad comparing what he pays to his ex for his older dds and what he does (or does not) pay to you. Keep it completely separate. I'm assuming the separation is recent, as otherwise I'm not sure how you would have any idea how much he gave his ex last month. confused

Perhaps if you pointed out to him what the actual costs of the hospital visits are, he might reconsider. To be fair, it doesn't sound like he is trying to be a tool, as he's paying CM towards his other dcs and states he'll be paying CM to you once the baby is born. It's possible he is thinking NHS is free, baby isn't eating or wearing nappies or anything like that because you are pregnant, so he's just not thinking there are costs involved yet. Also, it might be helpful to talk to him about the costs of things you'll need before the baby arrives, such as a car seat, pushchair/buggy, cotbed, nappies, clothing, and such.

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