To still feel unsettled about impact of pregnancy anxiety

(18 Posts)
Sleeplessinnorthlondon Mon 17-Aug-15 00:37:11

Posted and had so much support already hence think prob iabu but still struggling to believe anxiety struggled with throughout pregnancy unlikely to have harmed ds due November. Seen therapist, psychiatrist and been told risk "teeny" and struggling to quantify what this means - mn and more scientific (all) friends have said this means less than 1% increase in risk of neurovdevelomental problems but can't feel convinced by this despite trying and so fearful when poor kid comes will have serious
Ld or mh issues he wouldn't have had if I'd just managed this all better. Key point my head seems to come back to in hope that posted before that would love to be told if sounds reasonable or not: if stress were a significant cause ie more than 1% of schizophrenia or depression or asd in kids we'd be more likely to know as there are studies done on birth cohorts etc and in the government or pharma companies interests to find out to save / make money in providing care? Sorry for crazy rambling...

UrethraFranklin1 Mon 17-Aug-15 00:40:41

I have read many of your posts, and contributed before. In all honesty I don't think posting on mn is really helping you at all, you are unable to accept any advice, proofs, opinions etc, and I think you are fuelling your issues more than assuaging them.
How pregnant are you now? Wouldn't it be more sensible to go back to your psychiatrist?

Junosmum Mon 17-Aug-15 00:50:15

As the above has said, if anything posting here seems to fuel your anxiety more. And now you are anxious about how anxious you have been.

You need to focus on the professional help you have been receiving and give that space and time to work, which you can't do if you are constantly seeking advice and reassurance from other sources, such as here.

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Mon 17-Aug-15 00:51:01

I can see why you'd think that and you may well be right. Thing is, it does help for a while. Trying to lean less on dh and friends for their sanity and basically know am obsessed with minutiae of same old boring issues but feeling overall much less desperate than when things got really bad last Tuesday and found mn amazing then and yet can feel self slipping a bit again so want the reassurance, even though you're right, I've had it before. Does just feel soothing. Doing therapy next appt weds, psychiatrist totally beyond budget to see again.

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Mon 17-Aug-15 00:54:00

Also, totally agree need to give therapy space to work. Cbt lady said repetition and reassurance of facts not being half as bad as feared helpful so following advice, in fact am doing so religiously with walking, headspace etc... Just find this helpful too x

TheReason Mon 17-Aug-15 01:03:48

I was extremely anxious during my last pregnancy -

I then worried so much about how the anxiety would effect the baby

DS is 2 now and everything is completely normal so far - he is very happy go lucky - doesn't share my personality at all

anonymousforever Mon 17-Aug-15 01:08:32

Hello sleepless. Please may I suggest that you read the original research paper which assessed this. I can't post links but believe it was 2007 publication date. When you have all the data then you might feel a little more comfortable assessing how the issue affects you or not.

I suffered major stress in pregnancy, as in multiple bereavements, country move and several more.

I don't believe it contributed negatively to my son's development but had this research been published at the time I would have made a bigger effort to stop worrying and relax!

The point if I remember correctly is cortisol overload being transferred to foetus. You need to cool your jets and focus on as calm and stress free pregnancy as possible. The last thing I would advise is worrying about this for another second.

Maybe do some museums or galleries to give you peace and get you out of your head.

I really feel for you. I am sure your baby will be ok. Try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy flowerscake

Junosmum Mon 17-Aug-15 01:18:08

Cbt lady said repetition and reassurance of facts not being half as bad as feared helpful so following advice, in fact am doing so religiously with walking, headspace etc... Just find this helpful too

But what about when that one person comes along who says 'yep, anxiety may have harmed your baby' (which I DO NOT BELIEVE IS TRUE). That is the one statement you will focus on. Despite the 999 other replies which tell you it's fine.

I really wish you all the best. Anxiety is a terrible thing, I know, I've experienced it.

itsbetterthanabox Mon 17-Aug-15 02:49:25

You are anxious about being anxious. This is a self fulfilling prophecy. You will not feel calmed by reassurance. I'm surprised your therapists have not said this. Reassurance is fuelling your anxiety ten fold. You need to slowly work on not reassurance seeking. I don't know how you do it with your friends and family but they need to work with you to slowly not reassure you. You will cope.
You cannot know what will happen with your pregnancy. We cannot control everything unfortunately. I know how hard that is to accept as I have severe anxiety. Someone telling you everything will be ok doesn't mean it will be. Our thoughts do not have magical powers.

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Mon 17-Aug-15 08:38:09

Totally understand all these comments. Genuinely overall much calmer and reason asked original question was that therapist thinks reason no longer worried about impact alcohol before knew was pregnant because realised ultimately doctors were right far too early etc to have damaged baby but had to hear it few times: unfortunately not one but several papers linking stress and problems for baby and truly truly truly doing all I can to manage that, not just this but diet exercise sleep you name it, just been given less reassurance from doctors eg the risk being tiny which struggling a bit to completely understand ie what is tiny so, probably unhelpfully but maybe not, thought idea I can up with based on what doctor had said felt reassuring and wanted to run it past mn. Pasted again below. Can def see argument that this is not helpful though and maybe bad idea, giving one last go! Thanks for all your support and guidance. " One other positive thought I had I'd love to run past mn collective wisdom is that if stress were a huge or even significant cause of schizophrenia or depression or asd in kids we'd be more likely to know as there are studies done on birth cohorts etc and in the government or pharma companies interests to find out to save / make money in providing care?"

Brummiegirl15 Mon 17-Aug-15 08:49:08

I have seen a few of your posts and like others I really believe posting on mn is not helping you.

I get that you are anxious. I had 3 miscarriages before this pregnancy and I am terrified!!! But you really do need to calm down.

Just take a deep breath and literally take it a day at a time. Anything you did before you got pregnant will not have harmed your baby.

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Mon 17-Aug-15 09:07:13

Sorry was typing too quickly, meant before knew pregnant. I promise that it normally does help and had lots of really helpful support and been encouraged before to keep posting fears etc for reassurance. Really had found it helpful before but think maybe hit the end of the line now in terms of what's fair or sensible to ask from mn so will stop. I know I'm probably getting this all
Wrong and coming over as irresponsible and silly. I promise I'm really really trying to do the right thing. I'm genuinely just terrified of losing my dh if keep this up with him, gp so hard to reach, friends exhausted... Just find this such a kind forum but totally understand wy reached the end of the line on this front now and no longer helpful, I'm sorry, keep doing this wrong.

junebirthdaygirl Mon 17-Aug-15 09:23:11

I was never anxious in pregnancy and my ds has dyslexia so lots of learning difficulties. Whatever happens happens. There is nothing you can do about what child you get. But guess what you will manage. Your child will be wonderful and you will love them to bits. I haven't read your other posts but know that there is nothing to be gained by worrying. Enjoy today. Give yourself five minutes every morning to go over all the possibilities and then leave it until next day. The amount of babies born into dire situations who are fine is amazing. Your baby is who he or she is. Live for today.

KittyandTeal Mon 17-Aug-15 09:32:11

Op I've followed your posted but not really posted before. Your distress broke my heart, I know how you feel, I have been there (although not pregnant at the time) with anxiety and depression.

I desperately wish there were some magic words I could say to make you feel better.

I know you are still really suffering but you do seem to be doing much better, by which I mean you seem much more therapy focused which will really help.

I hope this doesn't sound flippant because I do honestly understand but alongside therapy and cbt techniques I use the 'calm.com' app to help me mediate and give myself headspace and calm down. I find it helpful when I get into that cycle of anxiety that I can't get out of, a 5-10 min breathing exercise helps me break the cycle, even for a short time.

TheRealAmyLee Mon 17-Aug-15 09:57:50

I had depression/anxiety so bad in pregnancy I was on meds for 90% of it. The councelling helped but still needed the meds. I was constantly stressed out and paniced.

My DD is now 11 and has shown ZERO signs of any issues with development or intelligence. Her mental health is also fine.

yorkshapudding Mon 17-Aug-15 10:00:16

OP, I don't think you come across as "irresponsible or silly" at all. I work in mental health and have also suffered from an anxiety disorder myself (although not for some years now) so I do understand how all consuming anxiety can be.

As I'm sure your therapist will have explained, reassurance seeking is a very common "safety behaviour" that may well provide short term relief from your anxiety but actually keeps the problem going in the long term. The only way to truly overcome your anxiety is to sit with it, experience it fully and survive it. In order to do this you have to work on (gradually and with the suppport of your therapist) letting go of your safety behaviours. This is how you regain control over your anxiety, instead of it controlling you. Those who have advised you to "keep posting your fears for reassurance" are obviously well meaning and trying to be supportive but may not realise that their advice runs contrary to the cognitive behavioural approach that (if I understand correctly from your posts) you're using in therapy. I think it would be a good idea to discuss your use of internet forums with your therapist as they will be able to help you make sense of it all and find more helpful (in the long term) ways of managing your anxiety.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 17-Aug-15 10:50:54

It's not at all about getting it wrong, or being irresponsible or silly. We all get that you are in the grips of a horrible mental illness and you are doing your best. The thing is that with anxiety like this, reassurance seeking perpetuates the cycle and increases anxiety overall and giving reassurance isn't the most helpful way to support someone with anxiety.
You kind of have to accept that there is nothing you can do to avoid any harm that may have already been done (I'm sure no harm has been done, but if your child is part of the tiny % that may have been affected there is nothing you can do to change this)
Seeking reassurance and looking for facts or opinions won't change the past so now the job is to try to stay calm until he is born.
Don't stop posting on here please, we won't run out of patience but threads of hundreds of posters giving anecdotes and personal opinion on the risk of harm already done will not be helpful.

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Mon 17-Aug-15 15:50:15

you're all absolutely right and very kind. I have absolutely been told to learn to sit with the anxiety, the reason I find it so hard is when I feel it not only is it horrible but it's scary because I wonder what he feels too and then the panic rises. The thing is, there's no sensible alternative so I have to be stronger and accept it. Just feel like such a burden and misery: poor dh and mum came shopping today for nursery and wanted to be cheerful and excited but just cried as I drove them home and can see them hurt and frustrated. Going to have a sleep now and hope this passes - can't wait to see if things get better when back in work again like before - hope hope hope so!!! xxx

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