AIBU to have a word with NDN

(89 Posts)
fortifiedwithtea Fri 14-Aug-15 04:50:05

NDN is a single dad with currently just his youngest dd at home. She is the same age as my DD1. They sat their AS levels this summer.

Last day of the exams I posted in AIBU because the dd next door was having a party and all I could hear was her bf through the wall prefixing every sentencing with "fuck" or "fucking" and my youngest DD who is 12 and has SEN couldn't sleep. I went round and told her I was fucked off with hearing it and that whilst her exams might be over my DD1 had to do Government and Politics the next day. I was generally told IWBU for swearing and for complaining so early on in the evening.

I repeat my youngest child has SEN. She needs to go to bed on time. She needs her sleep. I need her to sleep, after a day of her I really need her to sleep. Living with a child with learning difficulties is exhausting. And the language was really offensive.

NDN DD was very apologetic. They quietened down for awhile. But the party was a sleepover and the night was hot. The party spilled over into the back garden. DD1 couldn't sleep with the window closed because of the heat and with the window open she could hear the noise. She did not sleep very much.

Results day yesterday. DD1 passed all her exams but overall Government & Politics looks to have suffered by her poor nights sleep. Paper 1 - brilliant mark, strong B. Paper 2 Unclassified, bringing her overall grade to a D

AIBU in wanting DH to go and see NDN and have a chat and lay out our my expectations for next years exam time . That there is no parties/loud sleepovers during the exams and have the consideration to wait until the end of all exams not just her own.

I don't know whether the dad knows the sleepover/party happened. I don't think he was there.
I'm not going to speak to him. I don't trust myself to stay calm.

Koalafications Fri 14-Aug-15 04:57:21

I don't think that's unreasonable at all

avocadotoast Fri 14-Aug-15 05:07:55

With all respect, your NDN may be apologetic but at the same time it isn't his fault that your daughter got a U.

I wouldn't go storming round there now. Maybe wait until nearer the next set of exams.

Penfold007 Fri 14-Aug-15 05:42:20

NDN DD is not to blame for your DDs poor exam result. Don't embarrass your DD by divulging such personal information
.

fortifiedwithtea Fri 14-Aug-15 06:07:22

No where in my post did I say I would 'be storming round there'.

Obviously its not his fault and what is done is done.

But I think we can influent the future. My husband can calmly talk to NDN because he has a very calm nature. Is it unreasonable to expect for a short period of her life next door's daughter doesn't have a house party?

Funinthesun15 Fri 14-Aug-15 06:11:07

I agree with pp about waiting. Until you know what the exam timetables are, how are you going to know if NDN exams will finish first anyway?

fortifiedwithtea Fri 14-Aug-15 06:16:01

Penfold007 really hmm they were up until near 5.00am. And you don't think that effected my daughter.

So you wouldn't think it unreasonable of her to re-pay the compliment of having an all-nighter before next year's Geography A2 paper.

Mermaidhair Fri 14-Aug-15 06:20:41

I think yabu to go over and give a list of demands/expectations. You can't blame somebody else for your daughters results. Was it loud enough to warrant a call to the police? If not, and they aren't breaking any laws, then I think you would do better to gently explain your situation. Maybe wait until next year though. I can understand the other girl wanting to celebrate. It sounds like it was a one off.

ProudAS Fri 14-Aug-15 06:29:08

Totally out of order for her to subject you and your family to this. I think consideration all round is the key.

It probably did affect your DDs mark but not to the point of making a B into a U.

wheresthelight Fri 14-Aug-15 06:31:35

I am afraid that if you didn't go back round to complain about the noise then yabu and a little crazy sorry

For your dd to have got a U on the second paper there was a lot more wrong than just a poor nights sleep.

fortifiedwithtea Fri 14-Aug-15 06:33:08

No since she's been 17 there have been a lot of parties so no not a one off.

Yes I could have called the police, if I wanted to be known as a kill joy cow for all time.

Where has this list of demands come from? Loving not how my post is being embroidered. I just want one thing. An understanding that during exam time no partying. Mutual respect our daughter isn't noisy either.

ProudAS Fri 14-Aug-15 06:41:45

I don't think your request is unreasonable OP.

Penfold007 Fri 14-Aug-15 06:43:14

OP your angry and disappointed. What the girl did was unreasonable I'm surprised you didn't send DH round to stop party on the night, it must have been awful. If you were going to mention it to the father you should have done it straight after the event.
Does your DD want you to share her personal information?

I accept that your DD had a broken nights sleep but to go from B to U suggests she would have struggled anyway. A November resit of that paper should bring her mark up.

If you want revenge then have your noisy party

fortifiedwithtea Fri 14-Aug-15 06:46:47

This is endanger of becoming a drip feed post and I didn't want it to.

The night of the party I was on my own. My husband was working abroad that week. I'm a severely uncontrolled epileptic, which is partly why my DD doesn't have her own parties, her choice. I also have a child with SEN and the Council where I live turn the street lights off at mid-night. I really didn't need the stress of going round again. I don't think there is any need to call me a little bit crazy.

As regards marking. B+U= D grade. If my DD had got B+E that would have given her a C grade. So yes it is entirely possible that a ruined night's sleep affected her mark.

AuntyMag10 Fri 14-Aug-15 06:52:49

Yabu, so during the entire exam period you expect everyone in that house to not have any parties? And if they don't have a party, but just people over Who are a bit loud then what will you do? You could have gone over the next day or any day after to speak to the father. Going around now telling him that your dds bad result is their fault is just ridiculous.

GloGirl Fri 14-Aug-15 06:52:53

Go round next year when you have your DD's last exam date. That's entirely reasonable.

Going round now is pretty much saying "my daughter failed because of you". It might be true but wouldn't look well.

DoctorDonnaNoble Fri 14-Aug-15 06:53:07

There are no November or January resits any more. Resits will be done alongside A2 modules next year.

LiquidAshTree Fri 14-Aug-15 07:03:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum Fri 14-Aug-15 07:05:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotteringAlong Fri 14-Aug-15 07:06:17

It might have affected her grade a bit, but not to take a b to a u.

tigermoth Fri 14-Aug-15 07:06:47

If the party went on till 5.00 am and spilled over into the garden that is just not on. It must have disturbed other neighbours, not just you.

I think you need to talk to your local council's noise team initially for advice so you have a clear idea of what is acceptable or not. Then you or your dh needs to talk to your neighbour about the noise or get a member of the noise team to contact them - they won''t reveal who made the complaint.

Its true that next year your dd's exam time table may mean she finishes her exams earlier. When you talk to your neighbour, it might be best to focus on the general noise problem, not link it to that one exam night.

On hot summer nights there is more noise around but from what you've said, your neighbour's party noise was way over the limit.

Altinkum Fri 14-Aug-15 07:11:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoahVale Fri 14-Aug-15 07:15:55

I think at the time could you have told the school there were mitigating circumstances.
probably worth a try?
but now, no I think you need to let it go

hesterton Fri 14-Aug-15 07:17:21

Your daughter will be 18/nearly 18 next year. Can she talk to the girl next door herself?

Also, it is a little daft to complain about the language next door when you yourself used strong swear words in your complaint. Model what you expect.

I hope your girl is able to recover her result next year.

fortifiedwithtea Fri 14-Aug-15 07:18:20

THANK YOU GloGirl for putting forward the alternative.

If DH pops round nearer the time he can say look it's exam time, let's all be mutually co-operate and save partying for when they are finished.

My only question is if we don't say something now won't he say well you never said there was a problem last year. It's tricky finding the words to put across what I want for the future without expressing the blame which I feel. Hence why I want DH to talk to him.

There is a world of difference between having friends round a bit of loud talking/laughing coming through the wall and shouting obscene language and loud music. I'm asking for consideration not for them to live like monks.

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