To go on holiday, for four f***ing days!!

(96 Posts)
TheoriginalLEM Thu 06-Aug-15 17:41:41

We haven't been on holiday for three years due to finances. Hey ho, lots of people in the same boat. So this year i was determined. Having looked at the costs of school holiday holidays we decided the best option was to buy a tent. Initially not cheap - have spent £££ on the tent and stuff for camping. Have been away for a weekend, we all LOVED it.

Now between my job, which is erratic hours and Dp being self employed i have managed a window of opportunity in a couple of weeks time. Yay - exciting!

But no!

My mother doesn't like the idea of camping, tried everything to dissuade me from getting a tent, didnt think i would etc. I was concerned that DD wouldnt like it but thoguht it was worth a punt, DD loved it. Its all good.

Heres the thing

My mum is not in the best of health (a long term condition) and is old etc. Her dog has just being diagnosed with a terminal illness - i don't know if he will deteriorate quickly or not.

So today she comes round "now look, are you going away" "i hope so, DD needs a holiday and so do we" "oh ok, well then i am going to have to ask my neighbour to help me then, if i get sick, you know how i can take bad, and if anything happens to the dog" hmm

FFS - I am not a totally selfish twat. I would be back like a shot if anything were to happen to her or the dog, or i wouldnt go if the dog looked like he was going to need pts when i was away, i just wouldn't.

So WIBU just to say "well yes, that sounds like a good idea, DD needs a holiday, she hasn't been away for three years, has no friends from school and quite frankly i am running out of ways to entertain her at home".

Now there will be an element of her being worried abotu being on her own if there is an issue with the dog, the thought has crossed my mind but the dog is ok for now. I don't anticipate a sudden decline. If my mum gets sick, well then thats another issue, no one would go away leaving an ill relative or they would come home. This is partly due to the fact that she really doesn't like the idea of camping - thinks DD will get stolen from our tent. Yeah right, our tent with my brick shit house of a DP and two dogs that would raise the devil if anyone came to the tent of a night. Oh and the fact that we are going to be camping on an organised site, bla bla bla. The biggest factor is that her sister is going to be over from australia and that she hates her sister and is pissed because he SIL is putting her sister up. I do happen to know that this will be at the time we are away (but it is genuinesly the only time i can go).

So i am actually thinking about lying about going away and tell her we couldnt book anything and tell her at the last minute. That way she wont be able to put a spanner in the works. IE - stop taking her medication, she has done this before, so she gets sick and i have to stay.

I paid more than i really could afford for the bloody tent, scrubbed dirty fecking floors and toilets at 5am to scrape the money together to buy it and its sitting in my front room unused.

My anxiety has rocketed as i am now convinced we wont get to go away AGAIN! sad

There is part of me that thinks i am the selfish one here.

306235388 Thu 06-Aug-15 17:43:43

Just go and stop over thinking jt

TheoriginalLEM Thu 06-Aug-15 17:45:59

Quite possibly the best bit of advice i have been given, ever!

Thank you smile

BarbarianMum Thu 06-Aug-15 17:46:39

You are not selfish. Your mum sounds manipulative. Go on holiday. Don't tell her if you think it will worry her. Do not come home early if her dog dies.

Go. Enjoy yourselves! smile

TravellingToad Thu 06-Aug-15 17:46:52

Don't over think - you're being silly (in nicest possible way!)

Just go.

ollieplimsoles Thu 06-Aug-15 17:47:43

Aw this is tough op, my nanna is a bit like this, always trying to stop people from doing things for various reasons, most of them ludicrous.

But its important for you to get away, for all the reasons you have stated, its four days. She sounds like your holiday is an inconvenience to her and is making you feel a bit guilty, but you have your own kids to think of here.

You HAVE to go on this holiday.

SpaceAdmiralRodcocker Thu 06-Aug-15 17:47:52

You are NOT selfish, your mother will cope. She is wrong to rely on you so heavily. Go and enjoy yourself. Everything will still be standing when you return .

ollieplimsoles Thu 06-Aug-15 17:49:25

It is hard when a close family member is trying their best to make you feel guilty.

twirlypoo Thu 06-Aug-15 17:49:29

Another vote for go! Your mums emotional manipulating you, and you need to look after yourself if you are going to be any use to look after any one else. Go, go, go!

TheoriginalLEM Thu 06-Aug-15 17:50:10

I would come home if the dog dies, of course i would, especially as it may be a pts situation and i would want to be with him.

You guys have made me feel better though. Of course i will go. once i have actually booked somewhere

Janethegirl Thu 06-Aug-15 17:51:34

Go and enjoy your holiday. Your mum is using emotional blackmail....ignore her please.

NobodyLivesHere Thu 06-Aug-15 17:51:46

I would go. And I wouldn't cancel unless your mum was seriously ill. A dog needing to be pts wouldn't stop me. If they makes me selfish, so be it.

paxtecum Thu 06-Aug-15 17:56:58

Love you must go.
Your DM is being very selfish.

Turn your phones off. Tell her there's no signal there.

Recently I was on a site in an area of Wales that only has Orange phone reception. It was lovelyand peaceful.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 06-Aug-15 17:59:22

yy to turning the phones off. Every time we have been away in the past there has been some drama or another that she gets on the phone to me about. This is another reason why we are camping, so we can take the dogs. In the past she has done this or DD1 (adult) has stayed over, but omg the drama - you are right. She does this every single time.

I might even leave the phone at home

FarFromAnyRoad Thu 06-Aug-15 17:59:46

I'm another one who says GO. Go Go GO! Take my car if you want!

My Dad does this too - not to the extent of making himself ill (that's ultra manipulative territory!) but he'll find a million annoying little nonsense reasons why anyone shouldn't do anything! These can range from the weather to full blown disaster scenarios. I don't know why he does it - it never works and we all laugh at him!
Please go. Has your mum got a mobile phone? Presumably she'll be able to contact you if anything really does go wrong?

PLUtoPlanet Thu 06-Aug-15 18:01:35

Put your tent up in her sitting room?! grin

fakenamefornow Thu 06-Aug-15 18:04:34

You have to go, don't let your mum stop you. And don't take your worries with you, after all a neighbour will be looking out for your mum.

Have a great time!

Where are you planning on going?

Charley50 Thu 06-Aug-15 18:04:36

Sorry but your mum sounds incredibly selfish and manipulative. I'd go for a week and only check phone once a day. I wouldn't cut short the holiday if her dog died either. You are not being selfish at all she is.

TheMasterNotMargarita Thu 06-Aug-15 18:05:40

GO!
But make sure you send her a postcard wink.

whois Thu 06-Aug-15 18:07:34

Yeah just say you couldn't book anything. Then fuck off for 4 days with your phones off.

No one who is on anyway a nice or normal person stops taking their medication so they get sick to stop you going away.

Andrewofgg Thu 06-Aug-15 18:08:21

Go. Ignore the blackmail. And don't come back if the dog dies. It's a dog, not one of the family whatever your DM thinks or pretends to think.

In fact yes, leave the phone. Buy a cheapie to use if you need it in emergency and never give her the number.

Enjoy the holiday. wine galore!

TheoriginalLEM Thu 06-Aug-15 18:12:45

Thanks Pluto - thats a brilliant idea, but the tent's too big, innit!

Where am i going? we are torn - an hour down the road because we went before and we know its nice. Or Devon or Dorset - cornwall is a bit too far to drive for 4 days, we are in the south east.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 06-Aug-15 18:13:34

Ah to be fair, i would want to come back if the dog needs pts, i love him very much sad

fakenamefornow Thu 06-Aug-15 18:19:25

Ooh I live in Devon, I can give you some tips!

PM me if you want, I can tell you lots of free/cheap things to do.

LokiBear Thu 06-Aug-15 18:20:29

Just go. You really need this. So does your family. Don't you dare feel guilty either. You are not asking for the world, just a few days of family fun.

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