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AIBU?

prostitute use

337 replies

BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 08:09

I was talking to my DP of two years last night about stag dos and the issue of prostitutes came up. Whilst I am aware that DP received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand a couple of years back, he has always maintained that he was in a bar (drunk) and the lady just got under the table and started doing her thing before he even realised what had happened. He also told me he viewed it as a stupid mistake. Whilst obviously not overjoyed by this, I could live with it because he regretted it and I thought he viewed it just as a stupid mistake.

However, last night it emerged that he also went to a brothel on the same holiday and received oral sex. He claims he hasn't lied to me and thought he had told me about the two incidents. I know this isn't true because it is not the sort of thing you forget really is it?

When I raised concerns about the fact that I felt he had lied to me he told me that he didn't see anything wrong with what he had done and that the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate. When I told him I thought he was better than that and that I felt he had exploited possibly vulnerable women (who often don't have a career choice) he told me that if he was single he would do the same again, as this is what happens on lads holidays and the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

AIBU to have lost trust in him and be devastated by his attitude?

OP posts:

Report

thequickbrownfox · 01/08/2015 08:13

Yanbu! What a tosser! This would make me lose all respect for him and lead me to wonder what else he has omitted to mention.

BathtimeFunkster · 01/08/2015 08:17

the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate

When somebody tells you who they are, listen.

the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

When somebody tells you that he thinks vulnerable women in developing countries are lucky to have the opportunity to suck his cock for pennies, fucking RUN!

Tootsiepops · 01/08/2015 08:18

...the ladies in Thailand were happy...

Whatever he has to tell himself so that he can sleep at night.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 01/08/2015 08:18

Do you believe it stopped with oral sex? I would seriously struggle with that.
As far as I am concerned that is cheating on you. It maybe what blokes do on this kind of holiday, but it doesn't make it right. Cheating is cheating whether you pay for it or not. Sorry but it would be a deal breaker for me.
He has seriously crossed the line and worse still lied. He may have been putting you at risk of infectious diseases, so go get screened love.
You can definitely do better than him my lovely.

ghostyslovesheep · 01/08/2015 08:19

When somebody tells you that he thinks vulnerable women in developing countries are lucky to have the opportunity to suck his cock for pennies, fucking RUN!

This 1000 times over

WhoNickedMyName · 01/08/2015 08:20

I think it was before he got together with the OP?

Anyway, before, after, whatever, this would be a dealbreaker for me.

CatMilkMan · 01/08/2015 08:22

Was he your DP at the time? If so he cheated, fuck him.
If not it's a moral issue about the use of prostitutes and not being honest.

PtolemysNeedle · 01/08/2015 08:22

As he said he'd do it again, YANBU.

Lots of people do stupid things in their young single and drunken days that they look back on and regret, so I wouldn't hold what happened before against him. But it is concerning that he said he'd do it again given the right circumstances.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 01/08/2015 08:22

Ah ok I miss read (haven't slept well). Even so, his attitude towards women stinks. You can definitely do better.

CaptainHolt · 01/08/2015 08:27

Anyone who thinks women living in abject poverty are 'lucky' that they are allowed to crawl about the floor of a filthy bar sucking strangers cocks is a massive dickhead. He's also a liar - how many prostitutes crouch under tables giving it away for free? (On top of the "I already told you" lie, obviously)

Bluecheese22 · 01/08/2015 08:28

To me that is no different to cheating with someone he wasn't paying to do it. The fact that he paid someone to do it makes it even worse, that's more thought out and calculated than getting drunk in a bar & kissing someone. Also having been to Thailand there's a very good chance he's a lady boy. Either way I'd get him to the clinic for a check up.

Bluecheese22 · 01/08/2015 08:31

Sent too soon... After you've left him obviously. Men like him preying on vulnerable women (or even men) are scum. If he wouldn't do it at home what makes him think it's ok to take advantage over there?!

Queenbean · 01/08/2015 08:33

Doing things when young and stupid = regrettable but can move past it

Doing those things and saying you would do them again if given the opportunity = quickly rising to dickhead status

Saying that the women should be GLAD for the opportunity to suck his dick = stratospheric twat status

ameliameerkat · 01/08/2015 08:33

LTB

GlitzAndGigglesx · 01/08/2015 08:34

It was such a mistake that he then went and paid for the same "service" . It doesn't sound like he has much respect for women

Tryharder · 01/08/2015 08:35

If my DH said he wanted to go on a lads holiday to Thailand, it would be a dealbreaker.

And I'm normally quite laidback.

Groups of men go to Thailand for one reason only. Even a lovely trustworthy DH will likely get drunk and succumb to peer pressure. The whole point of these bars etc is to sell sex to Westerners.

If you want beaches and cheap booze, go to Tenerife.

Diamondsmiles · 01/08/2015 08:37

Hang on. He wasn't cheating on the OP was he? I thought it was before they got together. And he would only do it again if he was single.
I'm not at all happy with prostitution but we do need to keep to the facts. The issue isn't that he cheated because he didn't. It's that he used a prostitute while he was single. Which it seems quite a lot of guys do at least once.

KoalaDownUnder · 01/08/2015 08:37

When somebody tells you that he thinks vulnerable women in developing countries are lucky to have the opportunity to suck his cock for pennies, fucking RUN!

This 1000 times over

X1000000.

He's an arsehole.

Tryharder · 01/08/2015 08:38

Just reread your post. If you and your DP were not together at the time, I would let it go. But I would make it clear that I was unimpressed and he would not be repeating a lads holiday of that ilk whilst we were together.

He was an idiot to have told you. I'd rather have not known personally.

SnapesCapes · 01/08/2015 08:39

The whole "I'd do it again if I was single" would trouble me the most.

Only you know if it's a deal breaker, but YANBU at all. It's scummy and despicable, and I have no respect for anyone who has to use a prostitute to get their kicks. They're essentially targeting the most vulnerable people in a society to get their rocks off. It's not "sex on a plate", it's paying someone to use their body. It doesn't matter if that's what he thinks all lads do abroad; it makes it no less repulsive.

BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 08:43

Thanks for your opinions everyone. It was before we got together.

I had let the BJ in the bar go because everyone does stupid things. I could also let the brothel thing go if he had been honest and upfront about it at first. Perhaps I still could let it go - I don't know.

My biggest concern is the fact that he says he doesn't regret what he did and would do it again if single. I just feel sick to the stomach that he views (probably) vulnerable women as just being there for his pleasure and is being so pig headed about it.

I guess I just hoped that he would tell me it was a drunken mistake which he regretted. He has not - he seems quite happy with his choices and I don't know if I can live with this.

OP posts:

BigDogsCock · 01/08/2015 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/08/2015 08:47

I would struggle to get past it, irrespective of the fact that it occurred prior to the relationship starting.

I find men who use prostitutes utterly repellent.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 01/08/2015 08:50

I don't think that you can judge him on what he did, pre-relationship, obviously I'm in the minority. Is there any other reason not to trust him? The only thing I can advise is that you might want to have a sexual health check, if you didn't just after getting together with him.

BathtimeFunkster · 01/08/2015 08:52

I find men who use prostitutes utterly repellent.

Indeed.

He sounds like the kind of loser who would buy a Thai bride when he's older and think she should count herself lucky.

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