This is quite trival and LONG (but don't want to drip feed, and I need your rational voice NOW, please) I had a BF when I was younger, but moved house. We lost touch, but met again as adults and are very good friends now - she's one of my BFFs, but lives miles away. We see each other every few months. But we are close.
We're both married and both have a DD each.
We were up late and talking (as we do) one night, and it was about parenting, which is what we talk about most, and I said "two jobs as a parent - you teach them to ride a bike and you teach them to swim". And she said "I can't do either, and nor can DD". And I was "oh fuck" and back-peddling (I live in a place where EVERYONE rides a bike, so it is a big thing here, and swimming to me is basic safety). So anyway, in our drunken 3am state, we worked out that a joint holiday where I teach her DD to swim would be the same price as swimming lessons. (I am a good swimmer)
We broke it to our OHs the next morning, and they were up for it, and her PROPER BFF (they were at Uni together in the town they still live in) heard about it and was up for it too. We leave tomorrow.
So tomorrow I have to drive up to where they live (there really is a reason I'm up so late the day before I do this!), then get up at 3am to leave for their local airport.
It was arranged - yonks ago - that I would drive my friend, her DH and their DD as well as my two to the airport, where we would meet her real BFF, real BFF's DH and DD. I raised at the time that my car has a MASSIVE boot when it seats 5, but a minimal when when it seats the 7 it can take. I'm taking 6.
For various reasons, we're not going to get to theirs until late tomorrow night (9 ish - remember, we leave at 4am!)
So I've raised afresh that I would struggle to take all the cases and hand luggage for two families as well as taking two families. The email was ignored.
So I sent ANOTHER email last night saying again I think we'll struggle to get everything in my car. I get an email this morning from my BFF's DH saying possibly they could give one of their suitcases to the other family. (which I reply to saying 'great').
I then get an email from my BFF saying: It's OK. No need to say again and that they have one small suitcase, and hand luggage small enough to go by feet or on knees.
I will just say again… when my car seats 5 we have a massive boot. When it seats 7 it’s titchy. We’re seating 6, so there’s nothing and a half.
A suitcase stood up (on the narrow sides of the rectangle) will sit behind the seat no 6. Getting the other 3 in will be ok on the space that is the big boot. There will be ZERO space for hand luggage.
I did say this initially.^
So my AIBU is, I feel like a second class citizen/chauffeur. I'M the one driving to the airport (at 4 am, having driven 250 miles the night before, but my worries are initially ignored and then she and her best friend have discussed and sorted it. The line that gets me is her first one: "no need to say it again"
Like I'm nagging.
I feel like it's #them and us# (with me being driver, swimming instructor, etc) before we even leave.
So what if anything do I do? I'd like to send a snippy email, akin to "no need to raise it again", but without putting a cloud over the holiday. If I ignore (which is what DH would tell me to do if I told him about this) in the spirit of having a nice holiday together, am I not already a minority in the relationship.
I leave at 4pm. Please help me be assertive without ruining the holiday for everyone!
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AIBU?
To wonder if I'm second class in this friendship and what I can do about it - need answers PDQ please!
21 replies
TryToEngageBrainFirst · 01/08/2015 01:23
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