Life audit.... It's not looking good...

(17 Posts)
WhatADismalState Wed 29-Jul-15 09:59:40

I am nearly 40, I have a business degree and currently work to fraying point for a FTSE100 company for barely more than minimum wage...

And that honest assessment of my life, has reduced me to tears.

What do I do? Throw in the towel? Retrain? Start my own business?

Help!

Bettercallsaul1 Wed 29-Jul-15 10:22:03

That is sad to hear, OP, but there is certainly still time to retrain or start your own business at forty. Do you have any clear idea of what you would like to do? What you need to do is sit down calmly and think about your skills and experience and how these could be rechannelled into something else. But, before that, is there definitely no scope for advancement in your present workplace? How long have you been there?

You seem to be very down about your whole life. How are things outside work? Do you have good relationships - partner, friends? Has something happened recently to bring things to a crisis point for you of is it just the imminent arrival of the big Four O?

WhatADismalState Wed 29-Jul-15 10:44:06

Thanks for replying. I've been with them about four years, I've tried various avenues for advancement and if I stuck with it then yes, there could eventually be a route for me but I'm starting to resent the fact that I've put in so much extra work (study in my own time etc) and got nowhere that I'm just sick of the place. It doesn't help that one of the seniors in my division dislikes me to the point of being openly hostile and I wonder if I'm just flogging a dead horse.

I have an idea of a new avenue I could go down and if I put in some serious effort I could complete an online course in around 6 months. I suppose I'm just worried that, after four years of going nowhere at this place, I'm just not good enough.

I'm definitely going down the depression road, had PND and I can feel the slide which is why it's time to do something.

No partner, some friends, no one very close. That doesn't help.

Fatmomma99 Wed 29-Jul-15 10:53:34

flowers sorry you're feeling down. I'm sure you've got lots of choices, but it's hard to give advice on the information here.

Maybe have a go at updating your CV, looking at what else is around, thinking about what else interests you?

This could be the start of an exciting new phase in your life. Good luck.

WhatADismalState Wed 29-Jul-15 11:23:26

Yes, CV is a good place to start.
I also think I should get on and do the course I have in mind, I've wasted four years already, there is no sense in wasting anymore time.
I stopped paying into my pension when I took this job, the longer I can't afford to save the more likely it is that I will be working a minimum wage until I die. That is a miserable prospect.

kittycatz Wed 29-Jul-15 11:25:03

Your workplace doesn't sound pleasant at all but acknowledging that and saying you want to change is the first step.
Now think about what you really want to do and what you will need to do to achieve it.
Make a plan consisting of small goals along the way so you can feel more positive. Do something each day towards achieving your long-term goal, even if that is something tiny.
Be open to the fact that along this road something unexpected may happen and take you in a completely different direction.
Good luck

Bettercallsaul1 Wed 29-Jul-15 11:44:03

That is great that you already have an idea for a new career direction and that it would only take six months for you to get the qualification you need. That definitely sounds like the way to go.

I think working where you are now is steadily eroding your self-confidence and happiness. Don't let it! Start your online course and make plans to leave as soon as you can. Even if you have to stay on until you're qualified for your new career, grit your teeth and remind yourself it won't be for much longer. The important thing is to have a goal to work towards.

I would also try to broaden your horizons socially - perhaps plan an inexpensive holiday or start a new interest or hobby. It is very easy to get into a rut when you are feeling down, which just makes matters worse. Also - do your friends know about your plans for a new career direction? If not, tell them so they can support and encourage you - things seem a lot more real and achievable when other people know about them.

TheRealAmyLee Wed 29-Jul-15 11:47:59

Do the 6 month retrain if you can then CV and onwards and upwards. A new job will bring new people to meet and hopefully will also increase your social circle, especially if you are happier in it.

Good luck!

FunnyNameHere Wed 29-Jul-15 11:48:05

The training and studying you've been doing will NEVER be a waste of time. It'll look great on your CV.
Instead of starting down a whole new path, could you not just look for the same job in a different company? Contact some headhunters? Get a mentor?

It'd be perfect if your current experience and skills could just be put to better, more profitable, use in a different company, wouldn't it?

Is the new idea a completely different area, or related?

WhatADismalState Wed 29-Jul-15 12:16:05

6 months will get me on the first level as a bookkeeper, the full qualification (AAT) is probably 18 months.
I know I already have skills and experience that I can transfer but I need to assess them with a positive outlook, which I am struggling with at the moment.
I will need to convince an employer that I'm going to be an asset but right now I feel anything but.

I struggle socially I think, I meet people and get on with them but I suppose it's fair to say I don't know how to maintain a close friendship. They are aquaintances as I haven't put any effort into them but I worry they don't want more from me. I sound so insecure don't I?
I don't know how I would reach out to them now, I've probably missed the boat.

Bettercallsaul1 Wed 29-Jul-15 12:55:03

Small steps is the answer, OP - nobody ever transformed themselves overnight. You are finding everything very difficult at the moment because you are unhappy and your confidence is low. Start doing your course and the very act of learning something new will boost your confidence. Or consider Funnyname's suggestion of seeking a similar job to the one your doing in a new company where you'd be in a different environment with the chance of making new friends. (and possibly doing the qualification anyway just to add another string to your bow.)

As far as friends go, I would try and see more of the "aquaintances" you already have and see if you have enough in common to turn one or two of them into proper, supportive friendships. If not, just enjoy them for what they are - someone to go to the cinema with or to have the occasional drink. Join a club or take a class in something - anything that you're interested in - and see where that leads. It does take an effort but the more people you're exposed to in different situations, the greater your chance of making friends.

WhatADismalState Wed 29-Jul-15 13:58:21

Thanks for all your suggestions.
It's all food for thought and just being able to have a self pitying whinge has helped blush.

I'm going to get my CV sorted by looking at what is required on relevant job adverts and see if there are some I can apply for. I can even send out some prospective letters with my CV to local accountancy practices.

If I moved to the same role in another company I fear I would be back to much the same position as I was 4 years ago, but I will have a look as I really need to get away from the current atmosphere.

I'm going to start the course too, it gives me more to offer and it's something I really want to do.

Thanks again.

Bettercallsaul1 Wed 29-Jul-15 14:00:26

Hope things improve for you soon, OP.

WhatADismalState Wed 29-Jul-15 14:02:28

Thank you.

backwardpossom Wed 29-Jul-15 14:11:52

Good luck OP, hope the course is good smile

redexpat Wed 29-Jul-15 14:19:56

can i recommend a book? How to do everything and be happy by pter jones. It will help you think about what you really want from life, and help set goals to get there.

WhatADismalState Wed 29-Jul-15 18:52:25

Thanks, will look up that book.

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