Need help re kids behaviour

(100 Posts)
Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:11:00

They seem to lack any skills of behaving especially in public. For example we go to a cafe,one keeps walking around even tho asked to sit whilst eating his ice cream,the other sits beautifully whilst eating but proceed to jump around "like a gorilla" and try to climb on furniture.ignoring any telling off from myself.so we were there all of 10 min and they couldn't be good for that short time.then 2 year old starts screaming so decided to leave.I'm feeling down about it all,I have to shout their name so many times before they even answer,tell them to stop/not to do something is just ignored. We use time out(but never really been that effective)and take away screens etc but nothing changes.friends tells me all kids are the same,but are always mine the ones to misbehave all the time.and they can be very aggressive between them,7years old will hold his brother from the neck if he annoys him.feeling like crap at parenting.

Asleeponasunbeam Tue 28-Jul-15 22:14:28

A couple of book recommendations. I like the book '1,2,3 Magic' for a good quick fix approach. Even better (IMO) is 'Calmer, easier, happier parenting', although I find it a bit harder to implement.

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:16:28

I do the counting to three,but its getting ridiculous ,I'm always there counting...is it so strange to want them to behave without constant threats.

Wolfiefan Tue 28-Jul-15 22:17:41

Counting to three? What happens when you get to three?

Catnap26 Tue 28-Jul-15 22:20:02

Glad I'm not the only one,2 year old has a tantrum big time because he hates being restricted to his chair when out in public having food,had me on the brink of tears today.i don't know what I'm doing wrong or what I should be doing.also have a 3 year old who is an angel in these situations.i know it's his personality and he likes to be on the go all day but I would love to be able to go for a meal and not feel so anxious about when he's going to kick off.

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:20:19

Count to three then a consequence (take away screen time etc)

Purplepoodle Tue 28-Jul-15 22:21:38

1,2,3 magic - I use it quite a bit. Eldest has adhd (6) so his younger brothers then join in. I count ALOT, if I get to three each time then they loose 5 mins off bedtime, screen time ect - if we are out and about. At home it's a time out.

Reward chart combo works well. Some days are better than others. Mine will always be the dc jumping around and being loud. Makes me sad at times when I see other kids sitting nicely. But also learned to pick where intake them

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:21:57

Biggest problem is the oldest ones are 7 and 5.a 2 year old misbehaving is to be expected,but really though it would be better by now.

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:23:32

No ADHD for mine.not even expecting them to sit still, but at least not climbing on furniture and listen.

longdiling Tue 28-Jul-15 22:23:54

I have to say, I wouldn't expect many 2 year olds to behave in a cafe. And once they start mucking about other kids join in. How are they at more active kid friendly places? I would choose the most pressing issue and deal with that - for me that would be a 7 year old being violent to a 2 year old.

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:25:37

Another issue is my 7 year old being so addicted to sugar.will pick up sweets he finds around and eat them.sometime from the floor.even tho has been explained about bacterias etc,and sweets in our house are restricted but by no means forbidden

Minicaters Tue 28-Jul-15 22:26:08

Give one warning and then follow through.

Not sure about the 2 year old as I've forgotten any skill I ever had with toddlers, but "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so they will talk" is brilliant for ideas with your older one.

Purplepoodle Tue 28-Jul-15 22:26:26

6,4,2 boys. Honestly eldest adhd is mild but he does quite a bit without thinking. Then it turns into a free for all with his brothers. Iv started a strict no hitting, grabbing rule - it's on their daily star chart as special treat ifnthey do it but they havnt made it yet

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:26:29

No,7year old fights with 5 year old.not the 2 year old

Purplepoodle Tue 28-Jul-15 22:27:23

And yes I envy my friends children who sit, walk in public

Wolfiefan Tue 28-Jul-15 22:28:22

I wouldn't count to three. It gives them until then to ignore you. One clear consequence. And don't say younger children will behave badly or they will grow into older children who behave in the same way.
For this reason I never enter a restaurant without colouring and/or small toys or stickers!!!

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:29:17

I read how to talk,but kids never respond like in the examples so then I feel lost and talking like an idiot ...I keep going between am I being too strict or not enough?

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:30:43

Wolfie,but obv a 2 year old can't be expected to sit or behave like a 5 or 7 year old.there were books and coloring at the cafe.

Minicaters Tue 28-Jul-15 22:31:36

Oh and it completely depends on the child but I still prefer to use immediate consequences like leaving the cafe. Then catch good behaviour and reward, eg if they sit nicely through a meal at home, notice and praise them, and after a few such meals tell them you're taking them out to a cafe again to show off their good manners smile

Asleeponasunbeam Tue 28-Jul-15 22:31:41

The idea behind 1,2,3 Magic is that by counting to (up to) 3, you give them the chance to get it together. The book has good explanations about why children behave as they do, which I find helpful in dealing with them. It's not just about counting though - also about strengthening your relationships with them and preventing the behaviour in the first place.

Wolfiefan Tue 28-Jul-15 22:32:31

My kids have never been allowed to walk around at a cafe or restaurant but that's easy for me as I only have two and several years apart!
I would expect a child to sit at the table. Toy cars to play with?

Whattheuh Tue 28-Jul-15 22:32:48

The problem here is not the younger one,but the older ones.they are out of control ,don't listen at all.I give consequence ,but feels like that's what I do all day and becomes nagging.

IsItMeOr Tue 28-Jul-15 22:33:55

Well, I think there was probably a reason why my parents didn't take us out for meals very often - we were 4 children, roughly two years apart.

I only have one 6yo DS, so I'm not much help with the multiple children. However, what has helped with DS has been exactly what longdiling has said - pick the one or two most pressing issues and focus on those, ignoring everything else as much as you possibly can. Once they are sorted, move on to the next issue.

DS has ASD, and the usual time outs exacerbated things. I can't see any reason why some of the things that seem to have helped him/us wouldn't work for you. So we have a set of mealtime rules which he is rewarded if he follows. The rules are basic stuff, expressed in positive terms, so rather than no swinging on your seat it is Four (chair legs) on the floor, Seat (meaning bottom) on your seat (meaning chair), Face your food, etc.

Consistency is really important, but similarly don't beat yourself up if you have one bad mealtime/day/week. Tomorrow is another day, and you can all try again.

Wolfiefan Tue 28-Jul-15 22:34:10

Mini
Neither of mine would have got sticker charts at all. Sit down or no ice cream. Be quiet or we will have to leave. And distraction, distraction, distraction!

Wolfiefan Tue 28-Jul-15 22:34:44

Oh and praise every instance of good behaviour you can find!!!!!!

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