To go back to bed and let him deal with them?

(31 Posts)
OstentatiousBreastfeeder Sun 26-Jul-15 10:08:20

I'm at the end of my tether. 5yo and 20mo just scream and winge. I don't know what I'm doing wrong with them but they never seem happy.

We were supposed to be going swimming this morning. No buses run on Sundays into town so we'd have to walk, and now it's pissing it down. So now 5yo doesn't want to go.

I've shouted at them more than I will admit this weekend. Full-on, screamy shouting. I'm just so tired of it. They won't listen. They don't care.

House is a mess and nobody cares. If I don't do it it won't get done. I have zero motivation so it stays a state.

DH is fucking calm as anything because he doesn't deal with this shit 6 days a week and doesn't see why I'm so drained and sick of it all.

I'm laying in bed listening to him try to get them to tidy their toys while they whine.

So wibu to just pretend I'm not here for today?

Its only day 2 of the holidays for us. Fuck me.

Euphemia Sun 26-Jul-15 10:12:57

If you deal with them six days a week, this is your day off. Go out and leave them to Dad.

What are your plans for the holidays?

Only1scoop Sun 26-Jul-15 10:17:00

Go out for the day and have a break.

Sighing Sun 26-Jul-15 10:17:46

Take some time out of it. Get some of your calm back. The 5 year old is possibly still worn out from the grind of the term if it's only day 2. Or acting up because the 20 month gets all these great things while school is on(?)
Divide and conquer is also a tactic. Do you get much 1:1 time with the 5 year old?

swallowed Sun 26-Jul-15 10:21:14

Going out for the day without sorting something out with your dh would be petty and mean.

Find something to do which is easy, fun and won't require much of you. Swimming is a lot of effort and I wouldn't want to walk there in the rain either.

Build a den and have a picnic in it (indoors), do Disney make up and fancy dress and watch a film.

Don't make them do anything which will encourage them to kick off. Take it easy and get them in bed early.

HolgerDanske Sun 26-Jul-15 10:22:11

Go out for the day. Walk in the rain, enjoy the solitude. Go to a cafe and have your favourite cuppa and a cake (or two!). Go to the library or whatever else you want to do - just window shopping, or if you've got some money to spend take your time with a proper grown-up shopping day - touch and feel the fabrics at your leisure, appreciate the styles that you like, have a good look at shoes, try a few things on and buy something or a few something's that you love.

Seriously, it's very important for you to have time away. And your husband is just as much a parent as you are. He should definitely do his share of proper caring for them.

HolgerDanske Sun 26-Jul-15 10:23:40

How is it petty and mean? Don't agree at all.

Just tell him very nicely that you are going out for the day and you really appreciate the fact that he is there to look after the children. You're not being horrible to him by needing a break from the relentlessness of full-time parenting!

HolgerDanske Sun 26-Jul-15 10:25:54

Ugh just noticed stray apostrophe. Autocorrect takes the blame!

Only1scoop Sun 26-Jul-15 10:27:15

'Petty and mean'
Not at all.

swallowed Sun 26-Jul-15 10:28:59

Because you're springing it on him without consulting him. Maybe he has things he would like to do!

What's wrong with having a bit of family time?

Mrsjayy Sun 26-Jul-15 10:31:08

Going out for a while to destress isnt petty and mean. Op just let him deal with them if your 5 yr old doesnt want to go take the toddler out for a while just because you have 2 children doesnt mean you have to trail 2 moany faces out with you. You are doing nothing wrong you are struggiling with 2 young children most parents struggle at some point.

Euphemia Sun 26-Jul-15 10:31:50

Maybe she has things she would like to do!

What's wrong with having a bit of alone time?

swallowed Sun 26-Jul-15 10:34:06

Nothing at all, if it's planned with the rest of the family in mind!

fuzzywuzzy Sun 26-Jul-15 10:34:18

Think you sound like you're at the end of your tether OP.

You're do is calm and laid back with the children. I agree with those who suggest you go out.

You need a break by the sounds of it, I don't think it sounds pretty and mean, the DH has eyes and can see what it's like at home. Op let your DH know you're going out to clear your head and get some much needed down time. Then go and do something you want, have scale and coffee somewhere, book into a hotel and sleep if you want.

Hope you get back refreshed from being away.

Mrsjayy Sun 26-Jul-15 10:34:22

Maybe there is something she would like to do on her own it sounds like she would find family time stressful and not enjoy it 1 bit

Mrsjayy Sun 26-Jul-15 10:36:52

Dh was my fresh eyes when mine were younger he was great although sometimes i thought he was being smug he wasnt i was just frazzled and overwhelmed.

HolgerDanske Sun 26-Jul-15 10:38:51

Sorry don't agree at all. Obviously she will need to ask him in a way, because it's only reasonable with last-minute plans to say, Darling, I'm literally at the end of my tether and I can't do this for one more day without some time to myself. I need to go out today and clear my head. I hope it's alright and I really appreciate the fact that our children have got two parents and that you are just as capable of looking after them as I am.

But he'd better say yes darling of course you need to go out today and of course I can look after my own children. And there'd better not be any sense that he's being ever so magnanimous in deigning to look after his own children for the day so his wife can de-stress.

howabout Sun 26-Jul-15 10:39:28

Don't stay in bed. I find it impossible to destress if they are in earshot even if someone else is dealing with them.

Go out for at least a couple of hours. Amazing how nice a long walk even in the pouring rain can feel if you are not dragging recalcitrant infants at your heels.

When you come back everyone will be happier and if not you can get in the bath for a couple of hours. (your dh could bath the dc, in lieu of swimming, while you are out. This would be zero effort for mine as she loves being in the bath) Why is taking them swimming not your DH's job anyway?

Fugghetaboutit Sun 26-Jul-15 10:46:14

I have my ds all week. Now, I love him to bits but on the weekend I need to have some time alone and away from him to recharge myself.

His dad takes him soft play or swimming if raining and to the park the next day. I stay in bed and watch crappy TV, make myself a nice lunch, have a bath and then they're back and I'm a better mother for it.

Why are you going swimming too? Leave him to take them.

twirlypoo Sun 26-Jul-15 10:51:38

Please take this time for yourself. I'm a single parent and I cope on my own all the time.... Right up until the point when I'm Just not coping and it all becomes too much. I - and you - will be a much better parent for some time away. Get out the house because then you won't hear them, and just sit and get your head together.

As someone up thread said, tell your husband you are at the end of your tether and you just need some time without them. He is their parent too and if he can see how down you are he will want to help.

I hope you feel better soonthanks

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Sun 26-Jul-15 10:55:29

They're watching a film and I'm getting ready to do some lidl shopping. Not quite cake and coffee, but time on my own at least.

DH doesn't get many days off where we're all at home at once. Always feel as though we need to cram time in together as a family when that does happen but as a result I never seem to get time for myself.

Plus, PMS. angry

Fugghetaboutit Sun 26-Jul-15 10:58:29

My friend does that 'weekend is for family together' every single weekend and she's a sahm. She always looks exhausted tbh. Do something quality together on Saturday then on Sunday he takes them out. Compromise

howabout Sun 26-Jul-15 10:58:39

I consider a trip to the supermarket ALL ON MY OWN a treat. Now YANBU.

AlfAlf Sun 26-Jul-15 10:59:07

YANBU, you need a break.

7amliein Sun 26-Jul-15 11:01:38

It is his day off from his work as much as it is your day off from your job as full time mother. Any 'alone time' to relax etc has to be equally distributed. You can't leave all the parenting to him just because he isn't as involved the other six days - he is employed and working hard elsewhere and needs a break too.

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