concerned about MIL looking after DD

(14 Posts)
justmeokay Tue 21-Jul-15 13:17:16

Ok, so this is a MIL thread... sorry.

Basically we are christening DD next week, and I am hoping to go to the venue the day before to prep (got sandwiches to make etc). I was going to leave DD with DH for the day, but his PIL are coming down and MIL has major form for disrupting our routines with DD. I know this all sounds v pfb, but she is only a few months and needs her daytime naps. MIL constantly wakes her up from them, or doesn't let her go to sleep, as she tells me 'she will sleep better overnight...'!!

I don't want to be a bloody moaning b*tch about it, but I really don't want DD in a terrible, cranky mood at her christening because she's had a disrupted day the day before.

WIBU to ask my husband to not let his mum take DD off him for the day (this is what she will want to do, she was trying to take her away from me when DD was only days old to spend the night with them!?), and to just spend some time with DD and DH and keep to her usual routines?

MIL can be a v difficult, dramatic character, so it makes simple things like this so bloody stressful! She is also very possessive of my DD and constantly talks about wanting to 'show her off' etc, which I don't like as I don't want her treated like someone's favourite doll!

WipsGlitter Tue 21-Jul-15 13:18:52

Bring MiL with you to help with the prep.

justmeokay Tue 21-Jul-15 13:20:13

she would never agree to that sadly wips

ribbitTheFrog Tue 21-Jul-15 13:20:35

Yanbu. Can't your dh do set-up and you stay with dd? Or would seeing mil drive you mad?! She sounds like a nightmare.

justmeokay Tue 21-Jul-15 13:23:55

I feel like just taking DD with me to the prep stuff as my parents and sister will be there and she'd be no bother, but I don't want to be cruel and deprive MIL of seeing her. I just wish she'd have some respect for how we parent and not treat DD like a toy to do what she likes with. I'm also aware that I am probably more uptight about it than I would be if I didn't find her such a difficult character, so really trying to be level headed and fair to everyone.

Gottagetmoving Tue 21-Jul-15 13:27:43

If you are not there you have no control of the situation so you have to let your DH handle it. Surely he can decide whats best and handle his own mother?
I doubt a bit of disruption the day before will make your DD be in a cranky mood at her christening.
Your DD is very young and you may still be being a bit panicky and over worrying about everything.
Why anticipate trouble? You really should have a bit of trust in your husband and ask him to just make sure your DD gets her naps when she needs them.

justmeokay Tue 21-Jul-15 13:33:06

thanks gotta I am a bit of a worrier in general, so I'm probably not being very calm about it all.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 21-Jul-15 13:33:29

Tell DH that nap time will be at x time and he is to take her for a long walk, Im sure most men are happy when babies are asleep. He can grab a paper and sit in the park.

ApocalypseThen Tue 21-Jul-15 13:36:07

In my experience, children can be a bit fussy about these occasions anyway, even if you've prepared them in the most ideal way. I don't know whether that's better or worse - she may be like a brier no matter what you do. So it probably doesn't matter. However, it seems like you'll blame your mother in law if they have contact the day before, so in the interests of the best possible outcome, probably better not let your mother in law have her for the day.

Athenaviolet Tue 21-Jul-15 13:39:28

I think you are being pfb sorry.

It is hard, but at some point you are going to have to accept that other people who willbe part of DDs life (extended family/nursery workers/teachers/their friends) will do things you don't like which will make your life harder. It's part of parenting, unless you retreat into complete social isolation.

It is reasonable though for adults in charge of a 6 month old to facilitate daytime naps. Your DP will be there won't he? So it's his responsibility to make sure dd has a nap.

LokiBear Tue 21-Jul-15 14:00:11

I did similar with my dd for her first birthday party. Got my mum to help me prep and send mil on a mission to buy last minute items. dh was under instructions to get dd to nap before her party so that she would enjoy it instead of turning into an over tired grump. I knew the only way she'd get her nap is if I kept her away from the grandparents. It worked, even if she dud take her first steps whilst I was prepping and she was all alone with dh! You need to be firm with mil and insist she helps or leaves dh to it.

queenrollo Tue 21-Jul-15 14:04:05

I don't think you are being unreasonable in not wanting your MIL to disrupt things. You know your daughter and if she needs a nap, then she does. Both my kids were hideously unsettled at night if they didn't nap properly during the day and the day after was so difficult as a result.

It's not PFB to want to have your daughter's routine respected, it's your routine too.

Can you trust your DH to be firm with MIL about naps and not disturbing her sleep?

Yes at some point we do all have to compromise on some of our routine and parenting ideals, but there is also nothing wrong with being firm and wanting to protect those things which are important to you.

DinosaursRoar Tue 21-Jul-15 14:10:29

I've got a mother who doesn't do routine, because we didn't sleep "no matter what she did" so didn't see the point in sticking to a routine with mine - being told "if we stick to the routine, DS will sleep 7pm- 6am, if we don't, he'll be up 3 times in the night then disturbed for a few days after" wouldn't be seen as a "valid" reason for sticking to the routine.

Several years on, I'm still annoyed that I was trying so hard to be a 'laid back mother' who didn't need to stick to routines, I let others in the family set time routines and so DS would be a nightmare. Wish I stuck to my guns more and now with DC2 (who's now 2) I've been a lot stricter about not doing stuff I know we'll all pay for later on. (with her, it's not letting her sleep much in the day, long nap time means no sleep at night).

Anyway, I'd take DD with you to set up and keep her all on routine, can you get your DH to come too?

on other times, it might be worth letting MIL mess up the routines so she gets to have a fun day with her DGD, but with the Christening being the next day, I'd stick to your routine, you need a good nights sleep yourself as well. She can mess up the routine on the day ofthe Christening to her hearts content.

Hissy Tue 21-Jul-15 14:22:16

Get the sandwiches made in the few days before and freeze the freezable ones.

or pay for a platter from somewhere - why stress yourself with this?

Your DH is perfectly able to STAY AT HOME with your baby and NOT need his bloody mother to help him.

Your MIL has a history of over-riding your wishes then you need to manage this and tell your H that you expect him to step up and be able to handle looking after your child in the way that you as a family have agreed.

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