To think DH no longer loves me and I am justified in fucking off.

(54 Posts)
MakeThemEatCake Sun 19-Jul-15 02:24:33

I've been out, drinking. I came back in a flirty mood because I am drunk...I tried to be flirty with DH of 13 years...he's not interested. I have severe depression and he knows that. I told him another man showed me interest tonight (true). Topless flirting resulted in: "I'm just tired"... he's not interested, right? Should I just quit now, while some dignity remains?

If any men are reading, is that a bad sign? Pathetic to ask, I know.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 19-Jul-15 02:33:00

I think it's best not to make any assumptions or decisions when you're drunk. It's also best to not make overtures to a sober partner when you are drunk.

Go to bed. Sleep it off. See how you (and he) feel in the morning.

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd Sun 19-Jul-15 02:37:05

I'm sure you don't find your DH sexy when he is drunk and you are sober.
So get sober and talk to him instead of making assumptions based on his behaviour tonight.
So anyway - YABU.

MakeThemEatCake Sun 19-Jul-15 02:38:14

True, me being drunk is not a good thing here. I just thought if he was up for it....or anything, he'd have a perfect opportunity. He refused me, maybe me being drunk was the reason why but I doubt it somehow.

Thanks for your reply smile

WingsofNylon Sun 19-Jul-15 02:39:43

Ugh my stupid phone. Lost my good response. I'd agree with across, sleep it off and rethink in tbe morning.

Question is does he help or hinder with battle against depression?

MakeThemEatCake Sun 19-Jul-15 02:41:44

This is true LadyCuntington, he's extremely unattractive when drunk, as I imagine I am. Iabu, I realise that, just a horrible, painful thing. Thanks for your reply.

Pepperonipeteczar Sun 19-Jul-15 02:45:20

Your pissed and it's the middle of the night, leave him alone for God sake!

MakeThemEatCake Sun 19-Jul-15 02:46:36

Hi and thankyou wings, he hinders. I'm trying to find a way to leave him that impacts as little as possible on DS. Just wanted to try tonight to see if he was interested in me, he's in the other room watching porn so clearly not. Oh well.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 19-Jul-15 03:31:22

I'm trying to find a way to leave him that impacts as little as possible on DS.

If you want to leave him, then leave him. You don't need to justify that in any way other than "I am not happy" or "He does not support me in dealing with my depression". Putting him in situations that reinforce your unhappiness isn't fair to either of you.

Again, Love, now is not the time. No wise decisions are ever made when we're drunk. Trust me, been there, done that!

Sleep it off. Tomorrow, think about your life and what YOU want. Remember that children are seldom happy in unhappy homes.

See your GP or a counselor about your depression and unhappiness in your marriage if you haven't already.

MrsBigginsPieShop Sun 19-Jul-15 05:10:57

Oh dear. I don't think I'd exactly be all over my DH if he told me another woman had 'shown interest' a few hours earlier!
Drink some water, take some vitamin c and get some sleep. I hope your head isn't too sore tomorrow!

PoppySausage Sun 19-Jul-15 06:06:41

Can't bear drunk dp, however flirty and giggly he is when he comes in from a night out. Don't base your relationship on that.

Spartans Sun 19-Jul-15 06:17:07

Op, if your relationship isn't great and you aren't having sex in general. It is not a bad thing that he won't have sex with you when you are drunk, especially if your sober sex life isn't up too much.

You don't need an excuse to split up. If you are not happy, that's enough.

Do you ever actually discuss your problems? Do either of you have counselling? Together or individually?

Esmeismyhero Sun 19-Jul-15 08:41:59

I hate the smell of alcohol and in your head your being flirty and sexy etc but in reality your probably stinking of booze, flapping your boobs around and trying to make him jealous!

Have a sleep and don't drink as much in future.

BumpTheElephant Sun 19-Jul-15 09:02:07

YABVU. If he doesn't want sex he doesn't want sex. Are you really that selfish?
Why does not wanting sex equal not loving you? Unless it's all the time?

Tryharder Sun 19-Jul-15 09:02:35

I was ready to say YABU but when you said he's in the other room watching porn, I changed my mind.

I can't imagine a situation where I would tolerate being rejected sexually by someone in favour of wanking over porn.

Icimoi Sun 19-Jul-15 09:04:25

Just wanted to try tonight to see if he was interested in me

But it wouldn't have achieved what you wanted. The fact that he wasn't interested in having sex with you when you were drunk tells you nothing.

Oh dear. Drunk dh woke me up at about 2am: "fancy a shag?"

Er, no. I fancy a sleep. Today, when he's sober and helpful and nice and funny and charming, I fancy him. Drunk when I was sleepy & sober: no thanks.

DixieNormas Sun 19-Jul-15 09:14:39

He's sat in the other room watching porn? Nice

Spartans Sun 19-Jul-15 09:25:33

No sure on the porn bit until she comes back sober. She seemed hammered, so not entirely convinced by that part

But refusing sex with a drunk woman is the least of their problems if he is sats watching porn at 2.45am

Topseyt Sun 19-Jul-15 09:45:17

Hopefully she is sleeping it off.

I'd agree that information from someone that hammered is likely to be unreliable.

A drunk person is NOT sexy. Embarrassing, lewd, loud and lairy, yes. Sexy? No. Not for most people, even if married to them.

Penfold007 Sun 19-Jul-15 09:54:45

Having sex with a drunk woman can be seen as non-consensual sex. There is nothing remotely sexy about a drunk.

If you want to end your marriage then do it.

MamaLazarou Sun 19-Jul-15 09:59:26

Alcohol is really bad for depression. I hope you're not feeling too horrendous this morning, OP.

Lariflete Sun 19-Jul-15 10:08:08

Isn't it a good thing that the DH said no to drunk sex as he is sober and that could well be considered taking advantage? Especially since their 'sober' sex life isn't up to much atm. If he is instead watching porn that indicates to me that he does fancy a shag but isn't taking advantage of a drunk woman, which I would consider to be a good thing.

Obviously, if things aren't right in the relationship then that needs working out or breaking off and I can see why this would seem like a rejection but in actual fact, I think OP's DH is doing the right thing here.

zeezeek Sun 19-Jul-15 12:59:10

I think that it is a mistake to think that men are always "up for it" OP. Sometimes they are tired, stressed, not feeling well and not in the mood for sex too.

MakeThemEatCake Sun 19-Jul-15 13:09:51

Thanks so much for all the replies, I am suffering badly today hangover-wise shock

I'll come back a bit later to try to reply individually as all your points of view have really made me think, and I can see that it was a good thing he didn't want to have sex with me whilst THAT drunk and he was stone cold sober.

Re the porn, yes that is correct.

Lots to think about, will go and drink several pints now (of WATER ;) ) and feel sorry for my poor head and apologise to my poor liver. I feel terrible drinking that much which is why it's a rare occurence.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now