To be pissed off DH tells his mother more than he tells me

(10 Posts)
ChuffinAda Tue 07-Jul-15 17:17:57

All I get out of him at the best of times is an 'oh it doesn't matter right now I'll tell you later" but he then never does. MIL and I are actually pretty close and meet up without him so she'll casually mention something major, like his intention to buy a new off the rack car, assuming I've been told when actually it's the first I've heard about it.

dh will then carry on at me like he had told me and have a pop for not listening. Now I know I'm scatty but I can't miss everything let alone conversations about big purchases like brand new cars!

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

IAmSashaFierce Tue 07-Jul-15 17:20:41

I can see why you're annoyed, but I'd actually be concerned if my DH was choosing to tell someone else these sort of things and not me.

Do you talk much?

ChuffinAda Tue 07-Jul-15 17:21:41

I try and instigate conversation and get "I'm busy" or "it's not important now well discuss it later"

IAmSashaFierce Tue 07-Jul-15 17:25:02

This isn't intended to be patronising, but do you no think that is the bigger issue?

I wouldn't be pissed off, I'd be telling him I'm very hurt as he doesn't seem to want to talk to me.

If that didn't get through to him, I might also consider giving him a taste of his own medicine. I'd probably replace something he liked and then say I'd told someone else, didn't think we were doing discussion now.

rebbles Tue 07-Jul-15 17:26:43

Chuffin I know how you feel DH will often spend hours on the phone to his mum and I sometimes hear him saying things he didn't tell me. I am also annoyed when this happens don't know what the solution is!

ChuffinAda Tue 07-Jul-15 17:26:49

I am well aware it's the bigger issue. Hence I'm pissed off with him talking to his mother about big issues rather than me. It says to me he doesn't value me or my opinions

ollieplimsoles Tue 07-Jul-15 17:26:58

Ha! YANBU Chuffin,

With us its the other way round, my DH tells his mother NOTHING. Then when something comes up she gets huffy and says 'its the first I've heard of it!' Like she needs to know everything about our relationship confused

Why would he mention these things to his mother and not you, especially big purchase plans??

Unless he just said it in passing if it came up in conversation? Like 'Yeah I could do with a new car' and your MIL has taken it a bit more seriously than he meant it.

Lateswim16 Tue 07-Jul-15 17:29:06

I can see he likes to discuss things with his mum but to exclude you is strange. Sounds like he values her opinion more than yours and that's really insulting.

I would be very upset and angry as it's a repeat offence.

flamingtoaster Tue 07-Jul-15 17:45:19

You are not being at all unreasonable! DH used to to mention things I hadn't been told when on the phone to his parents or his sister. I explained I was very hurt by this and he did then try to tell me things first. All I can suggest is that you explain to DH how upset it is making you.

OurDearLeader Tue 07-Jul-15 17:49:45

Actually I rather have sympathy for him. It sounds like he is telling you these things and you don't listen. So you have a go at him for not talking to him but when he tries you don't listen. It must be pretty soul destroying for him to be in that position. He's in a lose-lose situation:

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