A friend is getting married next Easter, I'm delighted for her and glad she's found The One. However. When she emailed me last week to tell me she was getting married, she said 'I'm telling you now so you'll have plenty of time to save up so you can't use the excuse that you can't afford to come'.
I am unable to work due to ill health. DH works full time but is on a low wage. After all our bills are paid we're left with under £100 a week for food, clothes, etc. My friend knows this. The wedding will be hundreds of miles away so we would have to pay for hotels and travel (around £1000 for me, DH and DS altogether). Then there's clothes and whatever - I have nothing suitable to wear. My friend is very well off and is having a very fancy wedding with a dress code, so we'd all have to have new outfits. It's simply not doable. There is no spare money to save, we're on our uppers as it is. And if we could save a grand, we would be spending it on essential house stuff (parts of our house are actually falling to bits). There's no point me asking her if she'll help - she's saying she's 'stretched' with wedding costs already (which may or may not have been a way of letting me know not to bother asking). Maybe she'll do what she did at her wedding to her exH when she charged every guest £50, including children - that'd help un-'stretch' things 
AIBU to think she's being U? And that the wording of her email was a bit rude, too? It's not an 'excuse', it's just the way things are 
AIBU?
to think that this friend is being unreasonable
MoanaLisa · 07/07/2015 09:26
Er of course YANBU - she has obviously zero understanding of your actual circumstances, and how very bloody arrogant of her to assume that you would even want to put any savings you might be able to scrape together towards going to her bloody wedding! 
If you could save a grand, you'd probably prefer to spend it on a week's holiday, I know I would!
Email her back and say "thanks for your complete lack of consideration and understanding, but I'll decline now to give you enough time to get used to the idea that we're not coming."
She is BU. You've already got something booked in that date surely? 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Wait, she charged all of her guests £50 at her first wedding? And they paid??
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at her wedding to her exH when she charged every guest £50, including children
She's a twat. I'd email back and say crisply that it's nothing to do with making an 'excuse': your circumstances just don't allow for the kind of expense the wedding represents. now piss off
I never understood the 'plenty of notice' that people claim enables ou to spend ££££ on something. What difference does that make? The money still has to come from somewhere, things still need to be sacrificed to put it away. Way would anyone choose to scrimp for a year to attend one day of a wedding of someone they haven't seen for 5 years or spoken to in 2years? 
I would reply it isn't an excuse it's a valid reason, even if you could save enough for it you could not justify leaving your family without or neglecting essential house repairs to attend her wedding. I would say you wish her the best for the day, but that's the way it is. Any further whining and i would tell her she was letting the excitement of her (2nd?) wedding cloud her judgement and she should, as a friend, be able to understand your circumstances and that the matter was now closed.
If she persisted i'd fuck her off.
Charging every guest £50 for attending her wedding?!
Now I've heard everything.
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