I don't have children yet and am trying to decide if it is right for me. I have the added issue of a genetic problem if I do have decide to try which would require some intervention which is off putting enough but I have found after the past few years really paying attention to friends and family who are parents that it just doesn't look quite as joyful as it is made out to be.
It is very difficult to get a straight answer on this as I don't think you can give one. It is pretty impossible to say I love kids but I prefered my life before and wish they had never been born because even though people might have liked life before they had kids they could never wish their kids had not been born.
The only thing I can relate this too personally is that in my early 20's I started on a career which was dangerous and took me away from home for long stretches, my husband hated me being away and it caused horrible problems for us, in the end I had to choose between my career and my husband and I choose my husband because I love him and couldn't imagine a life without him. Perhaps if I had had the choice between love and the career I wanted prior to falling in love with my husband I would have chose the career.
If I had a child I am sure I would love it and give my all to that child but I also think that child would alter every part of my life my relationship with my husband, my new career only in its early stages, my freedom, my priorities and even the way I think would shift and I don't know if I want it too. It just feels like a very final choice to make and very limiting.
People say a lot of wonderful things about having kids but it isn't easy to see in their lives. Money, time, identity is all eaten up by children and it is impossible to do right either you stay home to look after them and are a parasite in the eyes of some or you work and neglect them in the eyes of others. So many I know have kids but only see them a few hours a day some even less if they are shipped out to grandparents.
I had a great childhoon and love my parents but I don't really feel any huge desire to have my own, I don't understand that, how it feels but I worry I am just missing something and one day I will realise too late what I have missed?
I can see how having family as you get older is a comfort for many but is that a reason to sacrifice my life now? Sometimes I feel that perhaps I am just not a people person and children are just little people. I even found the cat I had as a child a bit clingy.
I just don't get what other people see in it, and I wish I did.
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to think having kids isn't all it is cracked up to be?
137 replies
gummo · 06/07/2015 21:13
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Appleblossom82 ·
06/07/2015 21:23
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