Rotten teeth 5 year old DSD. WWYD?

[chronictreehugger]

I have posted before about DSD's rotting teeth. She lives with her DM through the week and with us in a weekend.
She used to stay with us 4/5 nights a week up until nearly two years ago when her DM moved away and took DSD with her. Since then her teeth have started to rot. There was an occasion, maybe a month or so back, where DSDs DM took her to the dentist only to be told that DSD needed 3 fillings. When she dropped DSD off at our house, after the appointment, DSD had a bottle of fanta, chocolate around her mouth and a cake in her hand. I was furious! It seems like basic common sense not to buy your child sugary drinks, sweets, cakes etc when she needs 3 fillings at 4 years old.

We've had DSD back and forth to the dentist because of her teeth in the last month or so. They wouldnt sedate her to fill her teeth because she is under 7 and she refused to open her mouth etc or cooperate with the dentist until last Friday.

We picked DSD up on Friday night and she started crying on the way home but wouldn't tell us what was the matter. We got back home and DSD told me that earlier in the week, part of her back tooth had "snapped" off.

She let me have a look in her mouth and sure enough, part of her back molar had broken off and underneath was red, sore and looked painful. I rang up our dentist straight away to see if I could get an emergency appointment for DSD and managed to get one the next morning.

What a night, poor DSD was up from 10 - 5:30 crying in agony because her tooth was hurting! Next morning a very tired DP and I took a very tired, upset and (understandably) grumpy DSD to the dentist. He said that she had extensive dental decay and that she had an abscess under the affected tooth caused by a bacterial infection. DP mad myself got a bit of a dressing down. We've always really looked after both DC'S teeth, I'm in my mid 20's and have never had a filling, they only drink water and sweets are an occasional treat. I bought them both an electric toothbrush and either myself or DP brush their teeth. DSD eventually and bravely might I add agreed to a local anaesthetic, the dentist drained the infection, filled the tooth and gave DSD a course of antibiotics.

DP gave DSDs DM a dressing down, he told her that the sweets and fizzy pop that she always has when he comes to pick her up have to stop etc. He also said that he'd noticed that on most pictures that his exP uploaded on to FB of DSD she had fizzy drinks or chocolate or sweets. I don't have his exP on FB so wasn't aware of this.
Her defence was that if DP hadn't split from her when she was a baby then she wouldn't feel the need to spoil her with sweets etc. she also said that DSD carries on for them throws a tantrum when she doesn't get what she wants. I really think that DP should consider going for custody, it just seems so obvious to me that we're fighting a losing battle here otherwise.

[cestlavielife]

ask the dentist to speak to the mother directly.
emphasize the need for good brushing and rinsing few times a day and each time she has fizzy drinks or sweets. at four dsd is also old enough to be read picture books and to be told if you eat fizzy drinks every day all day you will have to go thru this again: ask mummy for milk or water.

what other issues are there?

bad teeth alone isn't enough to take child away from its mother.

[cestlavielife]

also your d could ask to speak to his ex in mediation to talk calmly not threatening "custody" battles etc. (custody doesn't exist as a legal term any more..) he could also find out about parenting apart courses and invite his ex to go on one.

[chronictreehugger]

General poor hygiene, possible emotional abuse.

[LIZS]

Was it you who posted after the previous check up? Tbh your best bet is to train dsd in better cleaning methods. Give her a brush and paste to keep in her school bag and clean after every meal. Also encourage her to drink more water and dilute drinks well. Presumably your own dc are younger so it is easier to keep an eye.

[noeffingidea]

I disagree c'estlavie . They didn't just 'get bad'. They are decaying as a result of neglect by her mother. The resident parent.
I've suffered a lot of toothache in my life, why the F should this little girl have to go through that kind of pain because her mother can't be arsed to look after her properly?
And bad teeth aren't just painful, they're a health risk. Abcesses can lead to infection deeper in the jaw, even septicaemia.

[chronictreehugger]

True lisz brush and paste in her school bag is a good idea, perhaps contact the school to ensure they help her brush. To be fair she drinks a lot of water when she's here, she's learnt that she doesn't get anything else!

[Pantone363]

I remember your other thread. Don't ask the school to help her brush, it's not her job.

[chronictreehugger]

effing I completely agree, I've heard about the sceptacemia and it really is a worry, her DM seems to think it's ok because "her adult teeth will be coming through soon" we've explained to her time and time again that they could be damaged too. Due to her being away from us most of the week I just feel as though it's out of our control. Can we really trust her DM not to feed her sweets and fizzy drinks, can we trust her to put her tooth brush and paste in her school bag every day, can we trust her to brush after every meal?
I just think that if she'd been doing the above then we wouldn't have this problem with her teeth, they were perfectly ok before she moved away. I don't think that a child being kept awake in agony due to bad dental hygiene is acceptable in this day and age.

[snowglobemouse]

did you not post this exact thread a few weeks ago?

[chronictreehugger]

Not exact thread, since then DSD has had an abscess and has had to have antibiotics and we are still struggling, the situation is getting worse not better

[cardibach]

My teeth were very decayed as a child. I had sweets once a week and very few fizzy drinks. My parents supervised twice a day tooth brushing. They didn't improve until I had fluoride treatment to strengthen them. Your DSD's teeth seem worse than mine were, but do keep in mind that there could be more at play here than poor diet and hygiene.

[Pantone363]

What does her dad think?

[imnotafraidofthedark]

It seems to me that there is more to this than just bad teeth.

My 4 yr old dts has had to have one filling and has to go back again because of major decay in his back teeth he and his brother who has perfect teeth (except for one front tooth that has gone black due to falling and hitting it) have sweets once a wk on a Friday after school they are not allowed fizzy drinks and only have very watered down juice with dinner other than that they drink water and milk.
They do however eat lots of fruit which can also cause decay so I wouldn't be to quick to judge as both myself and dts are meticulous about brushing.

[Fatmomma99]

I think it's a child protection issue.

But by 4, she should be able to brush her own teeth, as long as she's taught to. She'll soon be able to do it will if she practices every day, and won't she be keen to do this if she understand it'll help stop her teeth hurting?

[fedupbutfine]

rather than exerting your authority and giving mum 'a dressing down', perhaps discussing the issue without finger pointing and blaming would yield more positive results?

The last time my ex talked down to me, I can assure you I told him exactly where to get off.

[IconicTonic]

A few people have mentioned brushing after every meal or after fizzy drinks, which I don't think is the best advice. My understanding is that food softens the surface of the tooth so immediately after meals is the worst time to brush.

Teeth decay because plaque mixes with food so as long as the plaque is cleaned off twice a day that should be enough to prevent further damage.

[MayPolist]

Please remember that a good proportion of children are born with defective enamel.My neighbour's eldest child had baby teeth with no enamel at all on some of them.I didn't need any dental treatment until well into my 30s and it certainly wasn't because I looked after my teeth as a child!!

[PicaK]

Another here who think the sweets and pop are a red herring. Poor brushing and weak enamel are likely to be the main culprits.

[anon33]

As a mother with 2 with terrible teeth (a dentist on first impression may declare neglect without knowing medical history) I would say do not point the finger, however as you know that her diet is poor, if the mother does not respond to the dentist's warning then I would be inclined to report her to SS (and I certainly would not say that lightly) as oral neglect can lead to severe pain and dangerous infection. I can't imagine the pain she must have been experiencing to have a broken tooth/abscess :-(

[RobinHumphries]

A 4 year old does not have the manual dexterity to be able to brush her own teeth. Brushing should be supervised until the age of 6 at least.

[m0therofdragons]

I would talk to the school as it will help form a whole picture if there is neglect and other things they've noticed. It's not their job to brush a dc teeth but that doesn't mean they won't if there is a serious need. Just ask to see the head and class teacher together and talk to them about working together. Good luck.

[chronictreehugger]

It's the fact that despite having a civil word with DSD's DM about sweets fizzy pop etc and the fact that her teeth were fine when we were RP, her DM still sends her to our house with cans of sugary pop, sweets etc.
The fact that she gave her chocolate, fizzy pop AND cake straight after a dentist appointment where she was told that her 5 YO DD needed two fillings.

We had issues with her feeding DSD crisps for breakfast (which she admitted to doing). there are more children than ever being admitted to hospital due to tooth decay and I can only think it's down to all of the sugar in their diets. Sugar seems to be pumped into everything. Fedup I get your point but believe me, we've had the quiet conversations with her and she still feeds her junk!

[LIZS]

Did she take dsd for the fillings recommended? Do you know the HV in her area?

[MayPolist]

I don't actually think chocolate and cake are that bad for your teeth.I mean you eat them and they are gone.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

Yes I think your dp has to go for custody. And you should get ss involved in the meantime. This is serious neglect.