To think DP should care that he's hurting me during sex?

(46 Posts)
Pained1 Sat 04-Jul-15 08:23:36

DP has this habit of digging his face right into my shoulder during sex. If he's not doing this, he's further away digging his face into the pillow. It's hardly romantic is it, that he can't be arsed to hold his head up during sex!! So this morning when he was digging his face into my shoulder I told him he was hurting me (bare in mind he has longish stubble too so it feels really sore). As a result he stopped completely. I told him that if he just stopped hurting my shoulder there wouldn't be an issue. He says there is no other way to do it hmm we tried again and he immediately starts it again. I asked him to lift his head so I could look at him at least and he says it's not possible hmm. He's managed before. He then decides he's too tired to carry on anyway and stops!!
AIBU to think he should care that I'm being hurt and also to think that this is a really lazy and disrespectful way to have sex on with someone?

3littlefrogs Sat 04-Jul-15 08:24:58

Why are you with him? He sounds horrid.

Icimoi Sat 04-Jul-15 08:25:46

Go on top?

ApocalypseThen Sat 04-Jul-15 08:26:00

Well I don't know whether it's disrespectful, but if it hurts you it should be off the agenda and I'd be considering not having sex with a man who reacted as he has to your perfectly reasonable request ever again.

Appleblossom82 Sat 04-Jul-15 08:26:09

Absolutely yanbu. He sounds like a twat.

Tooooooohot Sat 04-Jul-15 08:26:12

Wtf?! If he isn't your husband is shove him out of your life immediately. What a tosser!

Euphemia Sat 04-Jul-15 08:26:39

Is it hurting his neck/back?

pictish Sat 04-Jul-15 08:26:56

Of course there's another way to do it. My dh doesn't do that to me.
Yanbu!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 04-Jul-15 08:30:15

No other way to do it? Fnahahaha, yeah right.

I think your thread title is a little unfair and misleading btw, as he has stopped when you've told him he's hurting you so clearly he does care a bit, it's not like he's pinning you down and forcing a painful act on you against your will.

Sounds like you're just talking about missionary position? Do you have suggestions for other variations or other positions you'd like to try?

Pained1 Sat 04-Jul-15 08:30:31

He just goes through the whole thing like he can't really be arsed. As soon as we start he more or less flops to a side and carries on with as little effort as possible. I'm pretty sure that the standard way Is to lift himself up on elbows do we can at least look at each other and show a bit of affection. I know he's capable as he's done in like this on occasion. Suppose it depends on whether he can be arsed of not. Imagine if I got halfway through and then said "actually I'm too tired to carry on". Wouldn't go down well would it!

Fugghetaboutit Sat 04-Jul-15 08:31:55

Do it doggy so you don't have to look at the idiot

FryOneFatManic Sat 04-Jul-15 08:31:56

He sounds selfish. Is he selfish about other stuff too? I'd be taking sex off the agenda for someone like that.

Pained1 Sat 04-Jul-15 08:32:17

Yes I've told him lots of times we should try new things but unless I initiate it, he won't.
And yes he stops when I ask him to ... But with an attitude that screams out "go without then".

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 04-Jul-15 08:33:42

Also, if he's too tired or isn't in the mood after the critiquing then he's perfectly entitled to stop- he doesn't owe you sex.

Perhaps a conversation about this at a time other than whilst you're actually in bed doing it would be easier.

ApocalypseThen Sat 04-Jul-15 08:34:17

But with an attitude that screams out "go without then".

Does he think he's that good?

Eminado Sat 04-Jul-15 08:34:54

Gosh his attitude sounds terrible. I would stop having sex with him and tell him exactly why.

He acts like he is doing you a favour shock. Tell him not to bother.

EsmeeMerlin Sat 04-Jul-15 08:36:59

Even if he did not feel comfortable using his hands to lift up while he is on top of you, there are plenty of other positions you could do so that would not happen. Just sounds he can't be bothered and he wants to basically get what he wants and leave.

Sounds as if you need a honest chat about your sex lives.

pictish Sat 04-Jul-15 08:37:01

So he's shit in bed then. No imagination, no consideration.
Lame. You can do better.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 04-Jul-15 08:41:14

Imagine if I got half way through and then said "actually I'm too tired to carry on"

Erm actually I am happy to admit that on a rare occasion I have done this- and it went down fine. Because my partner is an adult, emotionally mature, caring individual who values my pleasure/experience in bed as much as his own. Sometimes he's needed to/wanted to stop, and that's fine by me too. I don't want to be having sex with someone who isn't into it in that moment- yuck.

You both sound a bit selfish/lazy tbh from what you've posted so far.

Euphemia Sat 04-Jul-15 08:45:17

We're in our 40s, together 20+ years and DH makes more effort than your DP. confused

wanttosqueezeyou Sat 04-Jul-15 08:46:10

So the choice is painful sex or no sex?
Assuming this wasn't just a one off, yanbu, he's an idiot. Thought about dumping him?

TheDowagerCuntess Sat 04-Jul-15 08:46:22

Come on.

This is not as good as it gets.

pictish Sat 04-Jul-15 08:48:17

Oneday what is the OP has posted to make you think she is lazy or selfish in bed too?
I've read and re-read her posts and I'm not seeing it.

Flashbangandgone Sat 04-Jul-15 08:49:43

Just can't understand the replies that suggest that the answer to a man who is so disengaged during sex that he puts in zero effort and doesn't even care if he hurts you during sex is simply to change positions?!? Why would you even be entertaining having sex with someone who behaves like that?

FryOneFatManic Sat 04-Jul-15 08:49:52

I don't see anything posted by the OP that makes me think that she's being selfish. Him, certainly.

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