To say i do not want to be a bridesmaid...

(60 Posts)
Itsallaboutme3 Fri 03-Jul-15 11:53:07

Close friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid i said yes. Having thought about it i have too much going on to be a bridesmaid. I have 3 children and bride wants all bridesmaids to stay at hers the night before and go straight to venue. My 3 dc are invited so how am i going to get them ready and to venue.
Aibu to say i do not want to be a bridesmaid? Honestly.....

slightlyconfused85 Fri 03-Jul-15 11:56:21

Could you just chat to her about your worries? Perhaps she's be fine about you staying at home and meeting them the next morning based on the fact you have 3 dc?

Do you have a DP? Could he get them ready so you can stay with your friend?

annielouisa Fri 03-Jul-15 11:56:43

Are you a single parent if not can't your DH/DP get the children ready? Or explain the situation to your friend and see if she can suggest a solution you are both happy with.

Gem124 Fri 03-Jul-15 11:58:07

Could your partner not help, if there is one? If not I'd she's a good enough friend to want you to be bridesmaid she'd understand you staying at home the night before.

SniffsAndSneezes Fri 03-Jul-15 12:01:51

Is that the only reason you don't want to do it? If so then I'd say talk to your friend about your concern and try and reach some sort of compromise... being a bridesmaid is a big deal, (to me) it means that of all the people your friend knows she has selected you to be apart of the most important day of her life.

FieldTrip Fri 03-Jul-15 12:07:24

If that's the only reasosn you don't want to do it, there must be a solution. Either someone else gets DC ready, you meet up with the bride and other bridesmaids in the morning or you nip out to get DC ready in the morning.

Who was going to have DC overnight if you go?

LashesandLipstick Fri 03-Jul-15 12:09:04

No YANBU. Just tell her you're glad she asked but you can't do it for the reasons you atated

NerrSnerr Fri 03-Jul-15 12:11:05

Do you have a partner who could sort the kids? If not, just explain the predicament. If she's a friend she'd understand .

LastOneDancing Fri 03-Jul-15 12:20:33

If you really don't want to, then don't.

If you do want to but it's childcare throwing a spanner in the works then talk to her and find a solution.

If she's a good enough friend to be her BM I'm sure she would overlook you staying over and help find a solution?

My bridesmaid who was a single mum asked me if I could invite her Mum to the wedding to help with the kids while she did her BM bit, which wasn't a problem at all.

Becauseicannes Fri 03-Jul-15 13:32:53

Yabu, your friend is honouring you by choosing you to stand with her on what could be the most important day of her life. of everyone she could have asked she asked you. Perhaps the same plan (staying over) won't work for you and you will need to do something else but I think it would be an insult to her to turn it down. Discuss the problems with her so you can find a solution together. She is a close friend - don't you want to be there for her?

Jen1610 Fri 03-Jul-15 13:41:02

Is that genuinely the only reason??

Itsallaboutme3 Fri 03-Jul-15 16:58:31

I have a husband but do not want to stay out the night and would rather get the children ready myself. I would not have minded if it happened at my wedding

NerrSnerr Fri 03-Jul-15 17:27:32

Personally I would be a bit miffed if that was the only reason someone didn't want to be a bridesmaid. I would think the person wasn't as good a friend as I thought they were.

Athenaviolet Fri 03-Jul-15 17:33:16

It seems like a very odd reason.

Do you never spend a night away?

Is there a big distance involved? Can you stay but go home to dress DCs at some point? How old are they? Has dh never dressed them before?

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 03-Jul-15 17:35:02

My friend has three children and came 5000 miles, leaving her perfectly capable DH to deal with them for a week, to come to my wedding. She is a wonderful friend.

Can't DH get them ready?

FieldTrip Fri 03-Jul-15 17:35:59

I tend to agree with Nerr. There's no reason bride should "require" you to be away overnight, but unless you've never left your Dc overnight before and don't intend to anytime soon it would seem like a feeble excuse, especially if bride knows there were occasions when you were prepared to be away over night. I.e occasions that were more important than her wedding.

I'd be pretty insulted as your DH too, if you think he's not capable of getting Dc ready for a wedding.

How long ago did she ask you to do it, when did you find out about the overnighter and when is the wedding?

shebird Fri 03-Jul-15 17:36:01

I have a similar dilemma OP, although I am bridesmaid to my sister so I can't really pull outconfused
The wedding involves us travelling overseas and the DCs will have to miss at least one school day which will cause all sorts of potential issues with school. I can't really ask her to change her wedding date so I don't get fined.

FieldTrip Fri 03-Jul-15 17:37:16

I don't think that's the same dilemma at all shebird

whois Fri 03-Jul-15 17:41:22

OP do you just not want to do it? Not really very good friends?

Cod your excuse is really lame considering you have a husband who can sort the kids.

pinkyredrose Fri 03-Jul-15 17:41:59

You can't be bridesmaid because you have 3 DC?hmm yes definitely tell her, she deserves to know you're not as good a friend as she thinks you are. Let her her have someone who likes her more as bridesmaid.

FieldTrip Fri 03-Jul-15 17:44:32

Maybe this is why traditionally, only unmarried women are bridesmaids grin

wafflyversatile Fri 03-Jul-15 17:47:51

I think you should talk to her! Just know what you actually want before you do talk to her so if you just don't want to be a bridesmaid full stop don't get caught in bringing up a new problem each time she solves the previous excuse.

PtolemysNeedle Fri 03-Jul-15 17:49:04

I agree it sounds like an odd reason not to want to share something with your close friend, and I'd probably feel really hurt in her position.

NerrSnerr Fri 03-Jul-15 18:25:50

How old are your children? Unless you are breastfeeding or one will be a small baby I really cannot see why you staying overnight and your husband sorting them wouldn't be ok?

WaferInMyCoffee Fri 03-Jul-15 18:32:21

I was a bridesmaid recently, it was lovely leaving DH to get the kids ready and to the wedding (not to mention sitting with them and dealing with them while I sat at the front with the other bridesmaids!) I really enjoyed the morning and the ceremony.

If you really cannot rely on your husband to deal with the kids then just talk to your friend and see if there is a compromise that can be made.

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