to feel uneasy about this

(81 Posts)
STATUSQUO63 Mon 29-Jun-15 22:25:49

So dh has 2 brothers. Their father has died and has left them maybe 150k each in the will after debts etc. This is enough to pay our mortgage off and leave us with a 75k ish cushion. Their wifes including me have each been left 10k.
So we have a 9 year old a 7 year old and a 2 year old and I sah. Dh has a job earning maybe 65K. He has today resigned as he is unhappy at work and quite frankly his brothers have encouraged him to resign as life is too short which I get to a certain extent.
He has to work a months notice so we have an income for a month and a one month savings cushion. now if fils flat sells quickly we will be ok but if not we will struggle.
The brothers have discussed it and have decided that there is enough money to pay the fixed legacies to the wifes.
aibu to be worried that my legacy is likely to be eaten up paying regular bills whilst waiting for funds to come though.
dh has sad he will top it up but it still doesn't sit right. quite frankly I actually find it weird that I have been left money at all.
So aibu to feerl a little uneasy about this situation.

Pancakeflipper Mon 29-Jun-15 22:39:58

I think I'd see it as an opportunity for DH to change direction,work towards what interests /excites him careerwise and you can do it with less financial worries.

youbethemummylion Mon 29-Jun-15 23:08:01

So you are worried you will have to spend your 10k inheritance from your father in law on supporting your own family?! Not quite seeing this as an issue tbh.

Kafri Mon 29-Jun-15 23:24:08

I realise that everyone has different financial arrangements that work for them but what did you envisage spending your 10k on? And if he leaves your 10k alone will you leave his 75k alone when that comes through?

If he's unhappy in his job and there is an opportunity to change that then why not?
I suppose it raises questions about what happens to the bills if his share hasn't come through by the time the 10k is running out esp if you're relying on the sale of a property to get it - in which case it might be sensible to wait for the other money first but in all honesty yes yabu with your initial question.

taxi4ballet Mon 29-Jun-15 23:31:36

ER... so has he packed his job in even before the inheritance has been finalised, if the property has yet to be sold?

If the will hasn't been through Probate yet, it might take ages, solicitors can seldom be rushed.

STATUSQUO63 Mon 29-Jun-15 23:33:52

I guess I would want to save most of it. Any savings we have are jn my name but in recent months they have gone down due to funeral exprnses etc. When dh mentioned getting recompense for flowers, wake etc he was pretty much outvoted. It was than suggested that monetary legacies could be paid but not the cost of wakr etc. I really wouldn't mind but we have one months grace in savings and my legacy will last 3 months so if the flat doesn't sell we will be screwed.

Suefla62 Mon 29-Jun-15 23:34:31

Took us eighteen months to get my Dads were simple probate closed.

youbethemummylion Mon 29-Jun-15 23:40:29

If you will get through 10k in 3 months and DH has just quit his job you might need to think about adjusting your outgoings.

STATUSQUO63 Mon 29-Jun-15 23:43:51

I did probably want to spend some money maybe £1000 on visiting relatives overseas. Ther rest would be saved to top up my savings whichhave disappeared in recent months and maybe to set up a pension. We have one months savings left and the 10k may give us 3 months breathing space. I guess I am worried what will happen if flat doesn't sell and dh doesn't find work. I could get a job of course but it eould barely cover mortgage and groceries. I guess I found it weird that his brother's encouraged him to resign but when he asked about claiming for legitimate expenses re funeral they came up with this option.

StupidBloodyKindle Mon 29-Jun-15 23:45:44

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I think it is really foolish to resign from any job without one to go to unless youhave won the lottery.
An inheritance that pays off your mortgage is fab but I would have rather resigned once income wasn't needed. With three kids it is irresponsible in an unpredictable housing market.

STATUSQUO63 Mon 29-Jun-15 23:47:49

Well I suppose our normal outgoing include commuting costs of maybe 500 per month but our mortgage and endownments etc equal £1500 alone. Plus £400 into dhs pension but I guess that would have to reduce when he leaves.

StupidBloodyKindle Mon 29-Jun-15 23:48:43

Unless he us retirement age or becoming SAHDso you can pursue acareer he really does need a plan. Also all funeral and associated costsdo need to come out of the pot before it is split. Should have been shared by all the siblings otherwise, thesecosts build up.

STATUSQUO63 Mon 29-Jun-15 23:52:22

That is scary sue We really could struggle if one of us doesn't find work soon. I did try and suggest not resigning but it was his deci of course.

toofytrub Mon 29-Jun-15 23:55:34

If the funeral expenses were for your FIL's funeral then of course the expenses should come from the estate and not from your savings!

It's not mercenary to think this - it's normal that the estate pays all the costs associated with the funeral.

In fact it's mercenary of the others to make you pay (have they paid anything out themselves out of interest or are you/dh expected to foot all the costs?)

Who are the executors? Is it the brothers? Is there a solicitor involved - could you just send in the invoices and get them to list them as expenses to be paid out before the estate gets settled? Or at least work out exactly who has paid what and how much and make sure that the brothers all pay the same amount.

Just out of interest - do the brothers all earn the same sort of salary or do they earn lots more or less than your dh? It seems to be that often if they earn less then they think that it's only right that you should pay more if you earn more (er no, it's still an expense for the estate) or that if they earn more then they think that they are somehow more entitled to keep their money and that you should pay it or that 'it isn't much' so it doesn't matter - conveniently for them...

Given the brothers have encouraged your dh to leave his job, I'd definitely make noises about making the estate pay up and point out that you need it in your savings cushion at the moment. And if paying you back means they get a thousand or two or three less than they would otherwise - well tough, Why should you get less? And surely if they pay it out of the estate then won't it lower the inheritance tax bill a smidge rather than you pay lots of tax on it? (not into finance but thinking if you are each getting £150K then that's probably more than the inheritance tax limit so by not paying it out of the estate the estate is paying 40% tax on that money that you would have otherwise got. not explaining very well, sorry, but hopefully it's enough to make you ask questions of people that do know!).

manicinsomniac Mon 29-Jun-15 23:56:53

I think he has been very silly.

By resigning from a well paid job he has turned what should have been a lovely financial cushion you could have had a few treats and saved for a secure future with into something you will have to eke out to survive for a bit.

STATUSQUO63 Tue 30-Jun-15 00:00:25

They earn much less! Tbf it is not main funeral expenses but wake etc which dh has covered. Overheard dh having a conversation endion with fh saying don't worry status has savings so it will be ok. Other brothers are both lawyers so are dealing with most of the legal stuff.

STATUSQUO63 Tue 30-Jun-15 00:01:33

They have paid for dome of the flowers but much less than we paid.

STATUSQUO63 Tue 30-Jun-15 00:02:23

Endin with dh saying

STATUSQUO63 Tue 30-Jun-15 00:04:20

I can't even get the correction right. Time to go to bed I think.

Wittynewnameifonly Tue 30-Jun-15 00:05:06

Brothers earn much less than your DH's £65k, and they are lawyers? I think they're misleading you.

GemmeFatale Tue 30-Jun-15 00:06:37

Really? His brothers are happy for you to cover the cost of the funeral expenses? What a wonderful gesture to allow you. Obviously ot had nothing to do with their inheritance.

Strap on a pair, and let the executor know you paid the expenses but need it back from the estate prior to any inheritances happening.

Ask hubby what his plan is.

STATUSQUO63 Tue 30-Jun-15 00:08:27

Well one works part time only but yes maybe the other one isn't as broke as he makes out.

STATUSQUO63 Tue 30-Jun-15 00:10:24

I am confident he will get expenses back before estate is settled but when will that be is the million dollar question.

butterfly133 Tue 30-Jun-15 00:13:56

If you are saying you are uneasy about your husband resigning in the basis of money that won't arrive for some time, YANBU.

One of you needs to get work. The house might take ages to sell, probate etc.

Was your husband hating his work that much? I do understand that but if he was okay with it, I mean as okay as many of us are, I don't work for fun so I get it, then he should have stayed on till the inheritance actually materialised.

STATUSQUO63 Tue 30-Jun-15 07:28:21

I am panicking a bit more now. Dh has actually been job searching for a couple of months now and hasn't even had an interview yet. I do think he is stressed at work and things have deteriorated in recent weeks.
I think I will be spending toddlers nap time job searching.

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