To not like my child

[MischievousNaughty]

I love my son, always have, always will. I would die for him in a heartbeat.

I just don't always like him.

He's 10 years old, has always been a handful, has been described at school as "eccentric" and "odd" by the staff. He's academically slow although he's actually a bright child - I don't know if he just doesn't try or if it's something else (he's currently being assessed). His behaviour at school is excellent so I'm told but at home he's just vile.

He flies into terrible rages, shouts and swears (he's called me a 'motherfucker' and said 'fuck you!" to me), refuses to do as he's told, kicks doors, thumps walls, stamps and screams. He literally has to be asked ten times to do anything then gets angry when I get cross at him for not listening.

This is over and over and over throughout the day. I feel like I'm being broken down.

It's like he goes out of his way to do things that he knows I won't like, even making obnoxious repetitive noises just to annoy.

I just can't cope any more. I sometimes wish I could just leave or give him away but I love him, I truly do, and I couldn't do that to him.

Why does he behave like this? I've only ever done my best for him and I feel like he wants me to be miserable.

[Yarp]

First - my sympathies. You sound at the end of your tether.

Second, what is he being assessed for, and by whom? The words eccentric and odd are sometimes a short-hand for a child who is suspected of being on the Autistic spectrum. If this is what is suspected, then I'd get yourself online (e.g. the Autistic Society website), and on the Special Needs Board here for some advice and support.

[albertcampionscat]

First of all and . Second, it sounds like he's managing to keep it together at school and exploding at home, which may mean he's under a lot of stress at school and home is where he feels safe and able to let himself go. If that's the case the outbursts would be a sign of your being a good mother - counter-intuitive though that is.

I've noticed Poltergoose of this parish has a lot of useful advice on that kind of situation - she hangs out on the SN boards but I think a lot of her advice is valid for children with and without SN. There's a book called 'The Explosive Child' and another one called 'The Out of Sync child' that she mentions a lot.

[insanityscatching]

Yes definitely post on the SN section as your post suggests ASD to me too having two children with autism. You might find that once you know the reason why he is so difficult it becomes easier to "forgive" some of the behaviours and of course understanding why gives you scope to learn strategies to better manage him.

[MischievousNaughty]

Thanks both - he had a brief meeting with a consultant paediatrician re Autism but he decided my son was not on the spectrum as "he made eye contact". However, other professionals he's been seen by have all been surprised by this.

He is my only child and I don't have a lot of experience with children. I always assumed he was normal as I don't know any different.

He has a lot of OCD type behaviours and he says he finds Maths difficult as the numbers "keep crowding" in his head. He often has friends calling at the door for him but he refuses to go out if there are more than one of them. He makes a lot of repetitive noises and pulls silly faces. His handwriting is like that of a five year old. However, his vocabulary and reading is excellent.

He's seeing a Speech and Language therapist for an assessment in a few weeks.

[MischievousNaughty]

I will try the SN board - thank you xxx

[MrsEvadneCake]

How are his other physical skills like running, climbing etc?
Some of what you've described could point to DCD.

[MischievousNaughty]

Physically he's a bit clumsy and not great at running etc but not terrible either.

What is DCD please?

[gamerchick]

My son has ASD and has beautiful eye contact. This was the only thing that dragged the whole assessment thing out.

Sounds like you're also going to need to fight and I would do it sooner rather than later before he hits senior school.

[LashesandLipstick]

The first thing I thought was ASD reading this. Also plenty of people with ASD make eye contact, I have a lot of ASD people in my family and most of them make normal eye contact

[MrsEvadneCake]

Dyspraxia. My son has it and it was the maths and handwriting that rang bells. I'll pm you.

[LashesandLipstick]

He has a lot of OCD type behaviours and he says he finds Maths difficult as the numbers "keep crowding" in his head. He often has friends calling at the door for him but he refuses to go out if there are more than one of them. He makes a lot of repetitive noises and pulls silly faces. His handwriting is like that of a five year old. However, his vocabulary and reading is excellent.

This was me as a child along with some of your OP. ADHD and dyspraxia were the issues. Definitely look into getting him support