To be angry at DH

(37 Posts)
MorgWorg Sun 21-Jun-15 13:18:45

Today is my DH'S first father's day as we have a 2 month old DS. I made him a card, bought him a photo mug and his favourite chocolates. Had planned on bringing him coffee in his new mug with croissants in bed with the card.

Last night he went out for drinks and got back at 3am drunk. He does nights (I take a medication that makes me too drowsy) and didn't let me know he'd be so late, and anyway, he was too drunk so sensibly went straight to spare room. This means I haven't slept.

He's still in bed except waking up to vomit. I've offered coffee but he doesn't want to eat or drink. I was going to make a roast too but now he doesn't want it.

He doesn't go out loads but when he does he gets wasted. I guess I expected him to calm down now we have a baby and because today was Father's Day.

AIBU for being upset? He's otherwise a wonderful dad and does deserve to cut loose but I feel like the say is ruined.

britnay Sun 21-Jun-15 13:22:39

YABU
He is not your father. Your son is too young to give him anything or even remember the day.
FFS, untwist your panties

mmollytoots Sun 21-Jun-15 13:23:51

relax woman

fleamadonna Sun 21-Jun-15 13:25:02

has he emerged from his own misery enough to express any regret?

I know from personal experience how easy it is to go way too far on a night out when they're few and far between. maybe the best Father's Day gift in this case would be a little (but not too much) sympathy? maybe a pat on the shoulder and glass of icy water?

shitty that your lovely plans are ruined.

cariadlet Sun 21-Jun-15 13:25:06

If it was Mother's Day and Mother's Day is important to you, then I'd say YNBU.
But Father's Day is supposed to be for a special day for Fathers, so I suppose they get to have the kind of day that they want. YBU unreasonable to say that Father's Day is ruined just because he isn't doing what you wanted.

Having said that I do think a grown man behaving like a teenager and getting drunk enough to vomit is pretty pathetic. I wouldn't blame you for being fed up of that - I just don't think the Father's Day thing is relevant.

MorgWorg Sun 21-Jun-15 13:27:41

It was important to him, he wanted us to spend the day together. Both our dads are dead so we wanted to have a special day. I'm being sympathetic, it is easy to overdo it but he has gotten totally wasted every time he's gone out since the baby (and before the baby). He's not unhappy, he just has no impulse control.

No, not up yet. When he is up I'm going to need to take a nap as have been up 32 hours now.

elderflowerlemonade Sun 21-Jun-15 13:27:51

Do you mean you haven't slept at all, or that you had an interrupted nights sleep?

diddl Sun 21-Jun-15 13:27:56

Take Father's Day out of the equation & I think that yanbu.

If he needs to be looking after your baby between certain hours, then that's what he should be doing, not out getting pissed.

Especially if he's so wasted the next day that you can't rest whilst he looks after baby.

Spoiling of yourplans for his breakfast & a nice lunch annoying, but I guess if he didn't know about them...

scarlets Sun 21-Jun-15 13:28:05

The less frequent the nights out, the more likely you are to get hammered and to feel awful the next day. I know this from experience lol.

Leave him be.

ReginaBlitz Sun 21-Jun-15 13:28:31

Yanbu he has been a selfish prick

kissmethere Sun 21-Jun-15 13:28:57

Yab a bit u.
Your D's isn't disappointed you are. If he was older sitting there looking at a hungover daddy vomiting I'd say you should be livid.
Let it go and carry on with your day. He is a new dad although it's crap he's hungover.

scarlets Sun 21-Jun-15 13:30:01

Wait - you say "every time since the baby" and the baby is only 2m? In that case I pretty much retract what I said. I'd assumed that this was the first or second night out.

NRomanoff Sun 21-Jun-15 13:30:21

Yabu, it's Father's Day. It's not ruined because your plans aren't working out.

The drinking to the point he is in bed at 1.20 (assuming you are in the uk) then I understand you being annoyed at that.

But then if he always does this when he goes out you must have expected it.

If he is a great dad and husbandosy of the time, I would be fine with him getting drunk, if it's very occasionally. No one is perfect.

Penfold007 Sun 21-Jun-15 13:31:48

MorgWorg are you saying your DH does all the night feeds because of your medical needs?

He wanted one night off which seems fair.

Did you skip your medication and do the night feeds.

NRomanoff Sun 21-Jun-15 13:31:55

Does he go put a lot? Your op says he doesn't, but you then mentioned 'everytime since the baby was born' which suggests he does do it a lot.

MorgWorg Sun 21-Jun-15 13:32:54

He's been out 4 times. I think IBU really, because he's a fantastic dad. But I also think we need a word about his drinking on nights out.

NRomanoff Sun 21-Jun-15 13:35:25

So every other week? I wouldn't call that occasionally.

Have you spoken about the drinking before?

diddl Sun 21-Jun-15 13:36:38

But if OP is too drowsy to look after their son after medication, then the father can't have a night off, can he?

Not to the point of coming in pissed at 3am?

pigsDOfly Sun 21-Jun-15 13:38:26

That's a bit harsh Britnay.

OP had planed a lovely day with her small family and her DH has ruined it by his thoughtless behaviour. It doesn't matter what the day was in honour of.

Most parents buy the cards and presents from the children for these occasions anyway, even when they're old enough to understand.

Does sound slightly ott to get so pissed that the only thing he's capable of getting out of bed for is to vomit.

He's not a teenager, I'm guessing, and he has a child. I agree Morg it's time he calmed down a bit and grew up.

I would also be annoyed if he knew I had planned a lovely family day and he got so wasted he was incapable of functioning the next day.

If he can't control his drinking perhaps he needs to choose his evenings out a little more carefully so they don't clash with your arrangements.

MorgWorg Sun 21-Jun-15 13:39:42

It's more than I think it would normally be if not for some important being close together. I encourage him to go, I want him to be able to have a break so I should have expected this. No, but I'm going to.

CrystalHaze Sun 21-Jun-15 13:41:44

Why have you not slept, if he was in the spare room? Did I miss something there? confused

elderflowerlemonade Sun 21-Jun-15 13:42:24

I'm assuming because of the baby, but I am puzzled too.

MorgWorg Sun 21-Jun-15 13:43:03

I can't sleep without the medication, at all. So I didn't sleep.

Having a nice day anyway, baby is shouting at the dog smile

elderflowerlemonade Sun 21-Jun-15 13:44:54

I think it sounds very difficult fo everybody to be honest Morg.

Is DH working?

MorgWorg Sun 21-Jun-15 13:46:19

No, he's the SAHP, I'm the one going back to work.

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