Is my mum being ridiculous, or am I an awful person?

[mickeyfartpants]

History: My Mum is quite spoiled, she always has to have everything her own way and right NOW without thought for anything anyone else has to do. She's always late, never asks how you are, forgets things you tell her if its not important to her etc etc

Anyway my younger brother lost his phone whilst drunk and I said he could have my old one as I was due an upgrade. This was about 2 weeks ago and we have had decorating, school meetings, had one of the busiest couple of weeks at work and finally today I managed to get to the store and upgrade.

For this whole 2 weeks my Mum has been asking where the phone is and getting quite agitated that I had been at work and not had time to go to the phone shop - you said you were giving him the phone, why haven't you upgraded, when can he have it because "I need to contact him." Basically I wasn't doing this favour quick enough for her liking.

I called Mum today and said the phone is ready, its 2 years old so the screen is just a bit dim because its been wet and its a bit scratched but totally fine and I have been using it fine. She started shouting "Why haven't you put it in rice??? What good is it to him now??? It's no good, forget it!" I put the phone down.

She came over now and I gave it to her and said she was being really unkind about this whole thing as the phone is fine. She told me I wasn't giving it "from the heart." I told her its better than nothing which is what he has now, and that its a shame she made this transaction so awful because I know my brother is really grateful to have a phone no matter what shape its in. It is in no way unusable!

Is she being ridiculous or am I "heartless"?

[tywinlannister]

If the phone had been for her and not for your brother, I'd have just told her to get lost tbh.

[mickeyfartpants]

My brother is really happy to be getting it, he sounded ecstatic. He knows what shape its in and he's been having a tough time so I know he is very grateful. But he lives far away and so Mum was just the one picking it up to give to him.

[BabyMurloc]

She is being ridiculous. Why haven't you just given it straight to him? It doesn't really have anything to do with her. You could have traded it in or sold it on.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Your mum is bu. God that act must get boring.

[mrsfuzzy]

i'd tell her to butt out anyway, if she's that bothered she'd get one for him. he lost his when he was drunk, oh dear, let him buy his own !

[mickeyfartpants]

I rarely see him these days. Neither of us drive (I am disabled) and to get here would be about an hour and a half on public transport but she visits him every 2/3 days so it was easier if she took it.

[SeraOfeliaFalfurrias]

Point out to her that it's a darned sight better than the non-existent one she has got for him. What does she actually expect of you, the phone is what it is, you can't wave a wand to make it better? How rude of her!

[mrsfuzzy]

sorry, read your second message, it is good that you are helping him and he is happy but next time don't involve her, as if you needed telling.

[NRomanoff]

If he is old enough to get drunk, he is old enough to sort this out. Next time you do him a favour tell her to keep her nose out

[paulapompom]

I think she is BU. Your brother is happy, You are doing a nice thing forhim To me that "good heart" stuff is all about her. It's a phone for goodness sake.

I think it's all about her being able to contact him when she decides to, for a while there he was not immediatelyavailable to her.

Having said that it sounds like she won't change or feel like she's been silly. Sorry.

[CheekyNandos]

She sounds a tad narcissistic. YANBU!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

She's cracked and like you said, unbelievably self-centred.
I really wouldn't worry about it, especially if your brother is fine with the situation.
Please don't take your mother's rude and selfish behaviour to heart, it's her problem, not yours.

[MrsBobDylan]

Yup, yanbu, ignore her. Sorry your Mum was mean to you. You did a nice thing.

[mickeyfartpants]

I said to her that in the (completely fine) condition its in, it would still go on ebay for a fair price, so she started shouting that I obviously didn't want to give it to him because I wanted to sell it.

Sometimes she is just so horrible, I was only trying to be nice

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

just mail the thing. Your mother is being unpleasant.

[NuttyCake]

Sounds just like my mum. As she's got older, she seems to act more entitled than ever. Things the world revolves around her. And we should spend our time trying to please her. Never asks about our well being.
She's just back from holidays and after I enquired about them, told me how they didn't meet her expectations. Droned on about why it wasn't that good, bored me, to be honest and I haven't had any holiday this year. Would love one.
Wonder is it a getting older thing. I don't remember her acting so spoilt and entitled when I was younger.

[mickeyfartpants]

Nuttycake, exactly like that! And I am so fearful of going the same way as I get older!

[Corygal]

Frightful old trout, she is BU. Let her go to voicemail for a while.

[Icimoi]

Have you asked her why, if she's so bothered about it, she doesn't get him a phone herself? She could easily have got him a cheap and cheerful one.

[mickeyfartpants]

If I suggested that Icimoi I would have had lots of complaints that I earn more than she does and that I don't understand the value of money and she is so poor at the moment and blah blah blah.

I should have posted it.

[Penfold007]

With that wonderful thing, hindsight, you might have been better saying you were upgrading in a month to give yourself some time but even so your M is being very unreasonable.

Your DB could have made the effort to come to you once he knew the phone was available or you could have posted it to him.

Lots of 'coulds' but ultimately your brother lost his phone through his own actions and you were making a generous gesture. M was free to buy him a cheap phone.

[drudgetrudy]

Your mother is being absolutely ridiculous and you are not a bad person-you did a nice thing for your brother.
To other posters-this is not a "Getting older" thing. People of any age can be selfish, interfering twats, please don't worry about "going the same way as you get older". Unless you develop severe dementia the way you behave will be entirely within your control.
OP's Mum is still working anyway so probably under 65.

[Casimir]

Print this thread out and give it to her. Expect nothing besides minor explosion of vitriol

[mickeyfartpants]

Thanks everyone