To be annoyed at DH's faffing?

[GreenStriped]

DH is a faffer but only when it suits him. If he wants to go somewhere or do something that benefits him then he doesn't faff....

This morning he said he would do lunch for the DCs, which included going to the shop to get some bits for lunch. It got to 1.30 and he was still faffing around watching tv and I said that it the DCs would be getting hungry. So he then spent a further 20 minutes faffing around ready to go to the shop, doing things like re-laceing his trainers, and has finally gone now.

Anything that is of benefit to me and the DC, or isn't something that he wants to do particularly, is done with so much faffing around. We were going out last night and just as we were about to leave he decided to clean one of the car windows, then took ages wiping it rather than just a quick wipe.

It's really pissing me off!

[hiddenhome]

Oh, God, yes, mine does this too! He can spend all bloody day doing ONE job, one flippin' job, whilst I have plenty of stuff on the go all at once

Today, he has chainsawed a small amount of wood, that's all.

[Spog]

YANBU.
i would turn the tables and do the same to him at the next available opportunity.
not very mature i know, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

[JennyOnAPlate]

YANBU at all. I can't stand faffing from anyone in any shape or form!

[taxi4ballet]

A lot of them do this - for example, you are dishing up and the dinner is almost ready. The conversation goes something like this...

"How long will dinner be?"
"About two minutes"
"OK, I won't be a sec then, I just want to sort something out"

And off he goes out to the shed/up in the loft/in the garage on some other piffling errand. Why do they do that?

[Gwenci]

Yay!! Its not just my DH! (Sorry OP and others!) Oh my God, the FAFF!!!

I silently decided this morning just never to ask him to do anything ever again. It's quicker, easier and tidier to do it myself. Because not only is there the faff, there's also the accompanying mess.

DH (finally) did DD's breakfast this morning. A banana, one banana and a piece of toast. And yet it looked like my kitchen had exploded. I'm not actually sure how he managed it. In some ways it was impressive.

In most it wasn't.

[Topseyt]

Nope, not just yours. My DH does this too, as do my DDs.

For some reason in this house the clarion call "Dinner's ready" is the cue for them all to suddenly need to go to the toilet first, so much so that I sometimes think that perhaps I ought to shout "Go to the toilet" instead and it would get them there just as slowly. Then sometimes DH will decide that perhaps he ought to pop up the road and get a bottle of wine to go with it, with dinner all but on the table. I don't mind the wine when it comes of course and I will drink it it would be rude not to, but he could have gone and got it half an hour ago when he was doing nothing else.

[mrsfuzzy]

topseyt, give them the heads up 15 minutes before serving, when my 6dcs were young it was like feeding a small army and to get them to the table on time, i feel your pain, enjoy the vino though, makes it worth it don't you think ?

[WutheringFrights]

My favourite ever comment from DD, who was then only just 2, when asked what Daddy was doing:
'Daddy faffing about...'
She was right!

[RackofPeas]

Topseyt - ours must be related, he does the same thing!
Sit down for dinner. Need a wee, get up use the loo and sit down. Needs a drink, get up faff looking for squash and a glass. Sit down. Wonders why wife is looking cross - you left the squash out and didn't put the lid on! Wants some mustard or equally vile condiment with dinner. Gets up again. I refused to wait till he's ready before I eat as I like my food still warm.
I have persuaded him out of most of this behaviour. I give a five minute warning and a reminder that now is the time for any urinating/drink making activity. However ds1 has inherited the association of the sight of a hot plate of food and the need for a wee.

He is a natural faffer and simply has no idea he's doing it. If I tell him he is, he does usually stop, but does look puzzled as to why I find it so bloody irritating.

[Topseyt]

Ah, thanks MrsFuzzy & Rackofpeas. I may try the tip of giving them a bit more notice, though I have usually been warning them for some time.

Funny how the DDs also manage similar behaviour when I want them down to help set the table and feed the dogs so that we can eat in peace.

DH's Dad used to be just the same when he was alive. Drove his mum mad.

[RackofPeas]

He did a good one recently...
Me - dinner in five minutes!
Him - OK!
Later...
Me - dinners ready!
Him - but I'm mowing the lawn!

And I couldn't complain because he was Doing Something Useful.

[Icimoi]

It's the one track mind thing. I remember the time DH invited some friends round on the evening of a day when he well knew I had to be out all day, and swore blind that he would do the shopping, the cooking and the tidying. I got back absolutely knackered to find that the sum total of what he'd done was to do the food shopping (hooray) and put up a soap dish by the sink which we absolutely didn't need. He was ever so proud of his soap dish, and couldn't understand why I wasn't impressed by it.

[PunkrockerGirl]

Oh YANBU. I love him dearly, but my dh could faff for England.
After 25 years I've kind of got used to it and tend to factor in 'faffing time' when making any arrangements.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It's leaving the house for us. Makes my blood boil when people 'joke' about women taking forever leaving the house. Frequently DM, DD and I are standing by the car while FIL, DF and DH are arsing around, all separately, in the house.

[Sundaysmumisfullofwine]

It's always "I just need to...." He doesn't "just need" to do anything apart from get his arse into gear but no, there's always something.

[patterkiller]

LTB. Seriously I couldn't be doing with in. Dds friend is a faffer and it takes all my inner strength not to bellow at her. I could never ever ever live with one.

[Purplepoodle]

My kids would have been moaning from 12. I'd send them in to dh every time they moaned - amazing the affect if moaning school chidren

[SayThisOnlyOnce]

I'd 'give' him more jobs to do. Sounds utterly infuriating. Have you pointed out he is being lazy and what does he say in reply?

[Shodan]

My DH is a faffer too.

His usual one is to go for a shower.

So the conversation goes:

Me: It's half ten. We're leaving in half an hour, right?

DH: Yup. Ok. I'll go for my shower.

(Twenty minutes later)

Me: You haven't gone for your shower! We're leaving in ten minutes!

DH: (injured tone) I'm going now!

(Ten minutes later)

Me: WHY HAVEN'T YOU HAD YOUR SHOWER YET? YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TWENTY MINUTES AGO!! AND TEN MINUTES AGO!! I'M LEAVING NOW!!!!!

DH: I'll have a shower later then (accompanied by a bewildered look at me implying that I'm being totally unreasonable and he'll never understand my desire to leave on time)

Or, there's the Pointless Task:

Me: Our guests are arriving in an hour. Can you help tidy up?

DH: Of course!

(Half an hour later)

Me: Why are you tidying the garage now?

DH: It needs doing.

Me: Yes, yes, I know- but we're not going to invite our guests in there! Do that another time!

DH: Fine (imjured, I-can't-do-anything-right tone)

Gah.

[avocadotoast]

I've taken to telling DH that meals are ready before they actually are just because it takes him so long to get to the table.

He's just gone back to work following paternity leave and it's actually quicker for me to leave the house just with DD than when all three of us were there. Bonkers.

[LondonLady29]

Couldn't empathise with you more OP. anything like washing up, tidying, cooking etc take an age, and a HUGE amount of faffing and effort. And if you say, "We need to leave in 30 mins are you going to be ready in time?" The response I get is "don't worry all fine!" Then five minutes before we need to leave he starts trying to get ready and find something he's lost. You're not alone!

[Momagain1]

Leaving the house, he always needs the toilet. i used to remind him to use the toilet and then remind the DDs, in hope he would be waiting to leave the house, but no, as soon as we were coats on and heading out, he would justaminite off to the bathroom.

'Dinner's on the Table' also prompts a visit to the toilet no matter how much warning there has been.

askinghim to help tidy up results inhim trying to do the job I am already doing. No, we don't need to both wash the dishes, go do X instead. But then after X, he doesnt notice he could move on to Y, or Z, and looks at me surprised when I finish the dishes and then continie on to other jobs. 'Why didnt you tell me?' Because you live here and surely you can see it needs doing!

Now I start the longest task and leave him to finish when he joins in. i can usually power through X, Y, and Z pretty quickly while he washes dishes or vacuums.

[ahbollocks]

Yepyepyep.
Leaving in 5 mins translates as 'darling husband, could you just trim your fingernails, answer a looong work email, look for a scarf I haven't seen you wear in five years?'

the bugger.
Love him very much though!

[Sceptimum]

When I ask "are you ready to go", I mean can you be out the door in 30 seconds. My partner says "yes" but means "apart from finding and putting on shoes, finding my keys and glasses, reorganising my pockets to remove rubbish and hold what I need, and maybe having a drink first too".
Drives. Me. Mad. We have discussed endlessly but it is unchanged.

[ChunkyPickle]

It's a running joke that DP always decides to go for a shave (which requires a full bath apparently) 20 minutes before we have to leave to go somewhere important.

The dinner thing is the opposite - he'll call me for dinner, saying it'll be ready in 2 minutes, and I'll find myself and the kids sitting at the table for another 20 because it wasn't really ready at all..