My thoughts are all over the place at the moment so would appreciate others' insights right now.
Background: Met dh at 21 (7.5yrs ago) was 11st (on 5ft 4inch frame) so chubby but not hugely so. After 2 more dcs (my eldest is from another relationship) I am now 17st, so a whale. Self esteem low, on anti ds but attempting to sort things out-attending cbt soon, starting exercise and trying to manage my over eating.
It came out in a frank discussion with dh last month that he no longer finds me very attractive. We still have sex regularly but it's me who instigates it and it more often lately it involves me giving him sexual favours.
We've had a disagreement this morning. I told him how upset I was after last months revelations about his opinions on my appearance and he reiterated those opinions again, with him maintaining that he wasn't setting out to hurt my feelings but simply being "honest."
Now the rational part of me accepts that my appearance has changed dramatically and that objectively I am not attractive anymore. But my idealistic side and my heart just feels well...slightly broken. "True" love is supposed to be unconditional right? A phrase he used keeps repeating itself in my head again and again- he said he had "lost some respect" for me.
I just feel like withdrawing from him and the relationship entirely. Separate beds, not answering to him anymore, making more decisions independently and pleasing myself and the children more with less input from him. I feel hurt and rejected and disgusted with myself. I guess I want to claim back some dignity and distance after this. And I don't want to define myself by him anymore. He has said he doesn't want us to split and financially it's not viable for us anyway. But I want to emotionally cut off from him. Am I wrong?
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AIBU?
to be reevaluating everything in an otherwise ok relationship after these comments?
40 replies
Nabuma · 19/06/2015 12:53
OP posts:
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