Help settling an argument re. owing money

(24 Posts)
HappyGoLuckyGirl Wed 17-Jun-15 22:49:45

Me and my Mum have got differing opinions on this and I want to know who is BU. So:

Family member A owes family member B money. It was agreed to be paid back at x rate per month.

Family member A now feels she is putting financial strain on herself to pay back the money at the agreed rate. My mum has suggested that Family member A should pay half of what they agreed as Family member B 'hardly needs the money'.

Family member B does have a larger income than family member A (however they are both single sahm) and B also came into some money a few months back but nothing substantial.

My opinion is that A is being unfair on B as regardless of how much money B has, we don't know her full financial situation. And more importantly, it is not okay for A to go back on the repayment agreement because she doesn't like being skint, she borrowed the money and agreed to repay it so should suck it up. For info: A's financial circumstances haven't changed since she took out the loan with B.

Mums perspective is that A should only give what she feels she can afford even if it's half what was agreed as family member B 'doesn't need the money'.

So mumsnet jury, who is BU?

Wellwellwell3holesintheground Wed 17-Jun-15 22:52:21

Is your mum suggesting half the agreed repayment for double the length of time? But actually it's for a and b to sort out between rhem.

Redcliff Wed 17-Jun-15 22:52:58

I think your mum is BU but if A is really struggling then she could ask person B is she could pay back the loan over a longer period.

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jun-15 22:54:00

Your mum should keep her nose out of it.

So should you.

A should repay B on the terms that were agreed unless B agrees otherwise.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Wed 17-Jun-15 22:54:02

Yes, that's her thoughts on it. We haven't had this convo with either of the family members, we were just discussing it between ourselves and discovered we have bery differing views on paying back money owed.

Floralnomad Wed 17-Jun-15 22:54:13

A needs to tell B that she is struggling on the current payment plan and see if B will agree to amend it so she pays the money back over a longer period .

Wellwellwell3holesintheground Wed 17-Jun-15 22:54:14

But yes, 'they don't really need the money' is not a good reason to effectively steal.

mineofuselessinformation Wed 17-Jun-15 22:54:38

Yes, it's between them - but a should pay back at the rate agreed.

karbonfootprint Wed 17-Jun-15 22:55:40

I also think your mum is BU, A should pay the agreed rate to B, it is nothing to do with anyone else!

flora717 Wed 17-Jun-15 22:55:56

Person A should talk to Person B to discuss what works for both of them. Your mum (if not person A or B) shouldn't be gossiping about either's financial situation and if person A has raised this with parent of person B then that is unreasonable.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Wed 17-Jun-15 22:56:25

A is BU, unless the original repayment plan was so unrealistic from the start that both A and B should have realised it wasn't going to be sustainable. In that case A is still BU but B has been a little bit U as well.

If it's just that A would rather pay back more slowly because she is tired of tightening her belt then that's just tough for her and she should stick by her obligations like an adult.

keeptothewhiteline Wed 17-Jun-15 22:57:06

None of your business- unless you happen to be A or B.
Keep your nose out.

Summerisle1 Wed 17-Jun-15 22:58:13

Your mother is being U. It's not her business to start interfering in a arrangements between A & B and certainly not for her to rule on whether B 'hardly needs the money'. In fact, your mum would be well advised to unstick her beak here.

However, if A is having difficulty with paying the money back under the current arrangements then it'd be sensible for her to try and re-negotiate the repayments with B. But this has to be done fairly and negotiations conducted between the two parties involved.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Wed 17-Jun-15 22:59:23

Okay, just to clarify; I haven't spoken to either A or B about this and I am not planning on doing so. I agree it has nothing to do with me, I was just curious as to how people view paying back money to family when incomes vary!

HappyGoLuckyGirl Wed 17-Jun-15 23:02:17

My mum was slightly mad at me as I told her she should leave A to deal with it by herself as a grown adult and not get involved. She's apparently going to sort the bank side of it out for her as A gas failed to set up a standing order yet. I think my mum is enabling A to continue being financially irresponsible..

I'm aware that I sound like a stuck up cow when I say that.

NothingUpMySleeve Wed 17-Jun-15 23:02:25

If B had had a change of fortune in the other direction and needed the money back immediately, it wouldn't affect the ability of A to pay and they'd still have to keep to the original loan agreement, unless A's circumstances change this is fair.

However, if B genuinely doesn't need the money, it would be kind to renegotiate. B shouldn't be obliged to justify why she does, or doesn't, need the money though. If B's circumstances aren't exactly how they appear to observers then B shouldn't have to explain that, the renegotiation just doesn't happen.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Wed 17-Jun-15 23:03:21

Apologies for typos. In bed trying to type and not drop my phone in my face. grin

LaLyra Wed 17-Jun-15 23:05:20

Incomes don't really come into it imo. If A has made an agreement then she either sticks to it or she speaks to B and asks if it's ok to pay it over a longer time, making it very clear that it's ok if B needs or wants it paid as agreed, imo. A's circumstances haven't changed so she obviously didn't think the repayment terms through very well and that's not B's fault.

PtolemysNeedle Wed 17-Jun-15 23:09:16

Your mum is being unreasonable. An agreement was made and it should be stuck to, B's finances are irrelevant to that.

If A really is really struggling then she could ask to renegotiate, but only if she's prepared to accept a 'no' graciously.

There's a difference between being skint and genuinely struggling, and unless there is genuine hardship involved, A shouldn't ask for a renegotiation at all.

thefourgp Wed 17-Jun-15 23:13:27

B has already done A a favour. They shouldn't have to do them another and A should be grateful of that and pay it back exactly as originally agreed. If they'd borrowed from a financial provider they'd have interest, charges, credit file problems, collection phone calls. If they have borrowed the money and haven't set up a standing order to start paying it back, they'll probably never pay it all back. B will hear excuse after excuse. I feel sorry for B. How much money they have is irrelevant.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 17-Jun-15 23:22:24

"Mums perspective is that A should only give what she feels she can afford even if it's half what was agreed as family member B 'doesn't need the money'."
That is a fucking AWFUL attitude for your mother to have. And if she expresses that sort of crap to A on a regular basis, is it any wonder that A might feel she can renege on her agreement with B?

Is there a history of A's irresponsibility being facilitated by your mum?

ImSoCoolNow Wed 17-Jun-15 23:33:09

I think you're both BU for discussing other people's financial business when it's nothing to do with you

But, FWIW, A should pay back B as agreed unless B agrees a lower rate over a longer period of time. Otherwise, Bs financial situation has nothing to do with whether or not A should stick to the agreed terms

crikeylou Thu 18-Jun-15 00:16:02

A knew the repayment plan when setting it up and should stick to it.

maninawomansworld Thu 18-Jun-15 11:02:54

If it is causing real hardship, A should have a word directly with B and ask if it would be okay to have a month off, or pay half for a month or two while the financial crisis passes.

Your mum should butt out unless she is in fact A or B.

The differing financial positions of A and B have nothing to do with it.
Using your Mum's logic it would be okay for you to go and say to your bank 'that £100k mortgage is small beer to you and I'm skint so I'm going to stop paying it'.... That's clearly not going to wash so why should the same principle apply between A and B?

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