Have I done enough to help this child?

(112 Posts)
kewtogetin Wed 17-Jun-15 13:25:42

Hi all, I'm going to be sketchy about the details as I don't want to out myself but I will answer any questions you have.
I'm worried about a child, well 2 children actually, in fact worried is not strong enough a word, I'm terrified for them.
They are brothers, 4&7, I know them from my sons school, I see them everyday on the school run and witness the father verbally and (this morning) physically abusing them. This morning he pinned the 4 year old to a wall by his neck, told him to fucking shut up and then stormed off. This was the final straw and i have reported him to SS.
Their have been other incidents, witnessed by myself and others, also reported, I know they are on SS 'radar' so to speak but nothing seems to change/happen.
Incidents include the eldest being kicked in the shins, told he will be thrown in front of a fucking car, picked up by the head and thrown, told 'you're going to suffer when you get home tonight boy'. The boys 'crimes' include whistling and tripping up.....
The father is the most aggressive, threatening man i have ever met, my children witness his behaviour and are terrified of him, my 2 year old calls him 'the naughty Man'
I'm scared for these children but I don't know what else I can do, the mother stands and watches and I've heard her saying 'don't you tell anyone about this or you'll get taken away' and 'if anyone asks you tell them you fell'
I'm at the end of my tether, I dread to think what's happening at home, i feel as though if i witness one more event I'm going to lose it and tell the father exactly what kind of man I know he is, that I'm watching and i know what's going on. Is this a terrible idea?
Is their anything else I can do? Anywhere I can go to help these boys? His aggression is escalating and with the long summer break coming up in genuinely worried for them.

Heels99 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:27:38

I would tell the HT as well as SS. Well done for reporting.

FarFromAnyRoad Wed 17-Jun-15 13:27:42

I think I might have called the Police there and then but that aside I don't see what more you can do - it's good that you did anything. I might wonder why nobody's done it before but at least it's done now.

HowDoesThatWork Wed 17-Jun-15 13:28:34

You have done the right thing. Poor mites.

Well done.

Oobis Wed 17-Jun-15 13:29:38

Sounds like these kids really need some help. Well done for speaking to SS. I think it might be worth having a chat to one of you child's teachers to voice your concerns in case they aren't aware of the home situation (which hopefully they are). Not least from the point of view of your own and other kids witnessing this vile abusive behaviour.

princessvikki Wed 17-Jun-15 13:30:45

It's unbelievable that some people think this is acceptable and are not even, bothered about behaving like that in public but absolutely don't confront him, believes me it will be the children who pay the price when they get home if you annoy him. All you can do is keep ringingn social services. And I would talk to the school, they will be more listend to by social services than you.

WorraLiberty Wed 17-Jun-15 13:32:11

I would have called 999 if I had seen a 4yr old being pinned to a wall by his neck tbh.

If you see anything like that again, that's what I think you should do. Tell them also, that you have contacted SS in the past about them.

justgladtobehere Wed 17-Jun-15 13:32:56

Tell the headteacher. He/she will be obliged to report it as a safeguarding issue and tbh going on past experience of a similar-ish situation I'm very inclined to think that a report from him/her will be dealt with faster and with more gravitas.

AnnoyedParent22 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:33:30

Well done for reporting.

This sounds awful, those poor little boys. I have two of a similar age and I would want to kill anyone who did what you describe to them.... Terrible that it is the boy's own father and mother stands by and watches sad

I would second reporting to headteacher and police. The more heads [confidentially and those who can assist in an official capacity] on this the better imo.

popalot Wed 17-Jun-15 13:33:59

Call the NSPCC to tell them what you've reported so far. They might have some advice on what to do next time. Might be you need to keep reporting it as separate incidents each time so that the file builds up and they take action. Tell them exactly what you see and hear each time. I'm glad they have you on their side. You might not be the only one reporting incidents, but the more information SS have the more they can act.

kewtogetin Wed 17-Jun-15 13:34:30

Sorry, should have also said I reported it to the home school link worker, I'm pretty certain the mother will know its me as she saw me coming out of her office this morning. Not that I'm concerned about that.

PHANTOMnamechanger Wed 17-Jun-15 13:35:02

OP, hard as it is, you have done your bit by reporting it. Continue to report if you see further incidents. It would be a good idea to speak to the HT, but I am sure the school are well aware of this mans behaviour and hopefully keeping records/gaining evidence.

those poor boys, what chance have they of a decent life.

reni1 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:35:41

Well done for telling SS. I would also contact the school and tell them about the things you've witnessed.

kewtogetin Wed 17-Jun-15 13:36:21

I'm as hard faced as they get but hearing a 4 year old saying 'why did daddy strangle me mummy' and her replying 'don't be silly daddy didn't even touch your neck stop exaggurating' really upset me.

Perfectlypurple Wed 17-Jun-15 13:37:29

I agree calling 999 if you see it happening. It will be a crime in progress so should get an immediate response. Even if they can't get there straight away they will still have to follow it up and will refer to ss. If there are others that witness it then see if they are willing to do a statement. The more evidence the better.

silverglitterpisser Wed 17-Jun-15 13:39:22

Well done on making the reports u have, OP. Just hope the relevant authorities deal with it now.

Anotheronesoon Wed 17-Jun-15 13:39:30

Well done for reporting. I would be a thorn in ss side - report report report and also keep reporting to school so they are obliged to discuss with ss. The father sounds vile - those poor poor kids. Unfortunately in my professional experience I believe ss only do something if you nag them to death! (I'm a children's nurse).

songbird Wed 17-Jun-15 13:40:17

Whilst you will probably always feel you haven't done 'enough', you've done all you can OP, and have been very brave to do so. If you haven't already, you should also say what you heard the mother say about not telling.

I wouldn't say anything to the 'father', you don't want to antagonise him further.

Heartbreaking sad

Damnautocorrect Wed 17-Jun-15 13:40:25

Fucking hell, if that's what's acceptable in front of others, I dread to think what goes on at home. Poor poor babies.
You did all the right things.

VacantExpression Wed 17-Jun-15 13:41:22

You've done what you can OP. I would keep a diary too, write down what I see and hear and when. Report every incident. Those poor little kiddies sad

miffytherabbit3 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:41:40

Well done for what you have already done. I would second the advice to keep reporting incidents to both SS and NSPCC, everything you tell them you have witnessed will increase the size of the file on this family and hopefully set alarm bells ringing. If more people acted like you OP then maybe more children could be helped to have a better life.

songbird Wed 17-Jun-15 13:42:04

When I say 'done all you can' I mean told all the right people - I agree with PPs saying you should report every incident you witness, to the police as well.

kewtogetin Wed 17-Jun-15 13:44:14

I understand about gathering evidence etc but I'm wondering how much more shit these children are going to have to go through before somebody steps in. I feel like SS are saying they are not being abused 'enough' yet to warrant intervention. What line has to be crossed before that happens? 5 months ago the police were waiting at the school for the father as the 7 year old had a huge lump on his head where his dad had kicked him. I swear if he kills one of these boys nobody will be surprised.

kewtogetin Wed 17-Jun-15 13:45:43

Thanks for the idea about the diary vacant, I'm going to start logging it.

Oldraver Wed 17-Jun-15 13:46:54

I would be contacting the police and reporting the assualt you witnessed. This will be hard I know

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