who is BU ? me or boyfriend?

(62 Posts)
maxxytoe Mon 15-Jun-15 07:40:00

So last night I fell asleep on the couch at about 9:00. My boyfriend told me to go to bed he was going to play FIFA for a bit but then he'd be in.
About midnight he comes in turns the big light on , starts asking me fuck loads of questions ; 'where's my charger' , 'orange is the new black was good wasn't it ' , 'should we go and watch Jurassic world ' , 'what you doing tomorrow'
He then turns on the tv REALLY loud and puts Russell Howard on and starts laughing his tits off!
He does it all the time !
Last weekend my son went to his dad's house at about 11.30 so I decided to go for a nap. Just dropped off when he decides to come in and announce we are going to do the cleaning and tidying !
WHY
He'd been up all morning and decides to do it now when I need a rest angry
Obviously I refused and lay there in bed. Next thing I know he's telling his daughter to play on her screechy hello fucking kitty keyboard (which is conveniently right outside our bedroom) and he's flying round the apartment with the bloody hoover! He had ALL morning to do this.
Everytime I go for a sleep he wakes me up or prevents me from resting angry
I have a 1 year old son who's up at 6 and had a terrible birth which has led to numerous blood transfusions and a suspected iron deficiency (I'm having blood tests tomorrow)
i think he's being unreasonable and he thinks I'm being boring !
(I may or may not have let my son bang on the radiators this morning to wake him up so he knows how it feels grin )

shoveitwherethesun Mon 15-Jun-15 07:45:35

That is so out of order I don't know what to say.

It's cruel. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Why doesn't he just leave you alone to rest? Is he redeemable in other ways? What is he like other than what you've just told us?

My blood is boiling for you.

ChuffinAda Mon 15-Jun-15 07:45:53

That's abusive. I don't recommend this ever but I'd ltb if I were you. He's beyond cruel

Euphemia Mon 15-Jun-15 07:47:47

You need a proper grown-up talk - sit down, everyone calm.

There's a lot of immature, passive-aggressive behaviour going on here that's helping no-one.

Agree times for housework and who does what. Agree morning and nighttime routines. Your sleep hygiene is not good - that needs sorting asap!

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 15-Jun-15 07:47:54

He is being a proper nasty bastard. End of.

maxxytoe Mon 15-Jun-15 07:50:14

I didn't mention sleep hygiene ??? hmm

Euphemia Mon 15-Jun-15 07:51:27

By sleep hygiene I mean having a good bedtime routine - not whether you're clean or not. grin

maxxytoe Mon 15-Jun-15 07:51:41

Whoops sorry thought you meant something else there !

Euphemia Mon 15-Jun-15 07:53:19

Sleep hygiene.

For example, falling asleep on the sofa is not good. Playing video games close to bedtime is not good.

shoveitwherethesun Mon 15-Jun-15 08:01:36

OP how does he treat you in other aspects of life? Is he respectful? Does he speak to you kindly? Does he work, help around the house, how is he with the kids?

I don't want to scream abuse as it's not always helpful at this stage. But what he's doing to you in regards to not letting you sleep IS abusive.

maxxytoe Mon 15-Jun-15 08:01:41

I am a morning person and need a good 9-10 hours and usually have a nap in the day when my son goes down, I know most of the tiredness is probably down to iron deficiency or something medical .
Whereas he can be up all night and still cope at work etc he can easily live with 4 hours at night so he thinks im just being lazy as I'm at university and only in twice a week ! But I'm genuinely not if I don't get my sleep I start to feel really ill sad

shoveitwherethesun Mon 15-Jun-15 08:05:55

It doesn't matter whether you are lazy or not. That's not the issue. He is deliberately waking you (who likes being woken up?!) He is being cruel and disrespectful. Have you told him how unhappy you are with him consistently doing it?

shoveitwherethesun Mon 15-Jun-15 08:08:36

Oh I forgot to mention selfish.

He then says you are 'boring'? OH JUST FUCK OFF. Not only is he being cruel physically by not letting you sleep and therefore making you ill, but he's throwing some psychological pain in there by calling you names.

Get rid.

maxxytoe Mon 15-Jun-15 08:12:14

I tell him all the time !
He says it's because he wants to hang out with me and he can't because I'm always asleep , which I suppose is true , 9 is quite late for me and I have been known to fall asleep at 7 and sleep through until 6 so in fairness we do hardly see each other due to me constantly needing to sleep.
Other than this I cannot fault him , he cooks and cleans and has took my son on aa his own

GGabcd Mon 15-Jun-15 08:16:18

How did you not sit up and say 'SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU COCK I'M SLEEPING'

In sort of a hard hiss so as to not wake any small sleeping people.

shoveitwherethesun Mon 15-Jun-15 08:16:48

He knows how you feel yet keeps on? He's not listening to you. His needs are clearly more important than yours.

maxxytoe Mon 15-Jun-15 08:18:20

I just ignore him in the hope he'll get bored of pricking around and leave me be!

lottiegarbanzo Mon 15-Jun-15 08:19:24

He sounds horrible. He's not 'only' being selfish, there's nothing to be gained by him waking you up. He's just being deliberately horrible to you, for the sake of being horrible.

But try not to go to sleep on the sofa, go to bed.

And make it clear that people who are asleep in bed are not to be disturbed, directly or indirectly - by noise in the house. If he and his dd can't be quiet while you're asleep, he should take her out. Obviously it is helpful you have regular, predictable hours of sleep.

He sounds as though he is badly lacking in empathy and is not interested in you yourself and your enjoyment of life, he sees you as being there for his entertainment only.

icelollycraving Mon 15-Jun-15 08:20:41

How long have you been together?

shoveitwherethesun Mon 15-Jun-15 08:21:05

As an aside, have you had your bloods checked to try and work out why you're tired? Although I'm tempted to believe that you're tired from having your sleep broken by some arsehole.

maxxytoe Mon 15-Jun-15 08:23:09

About 9 months and moved into our apartment early April

shoveitwherethesun Mon 15-Jun-15 08:26:49

Only 9 months and he's living with you and your child? And this is how he is treating you? It's only going to get worse!

pictish Mon 15-Jun-15 08:27:22

If my dh came into the bedroom where I was sleeping at midnight and turned the big light on amd the tv and started talking to me, I'd wonder what the fuck had happened to his head to make him behave so bizarrely!

Seriously, this is just not something people with a grain of respect and manners do.
He is not a toddler and you are not his fucking mummy there to entertain her little boy.

He sounds like an utter arse. Selfish, immature and actually pretty nasty.

wannaBe Mon 15-Jun-15 08:32:01

coming in at 11:00 at night and banging around etc is not ok. but

It must be incredibly frustrating to never be able to make noise in the house even during the day because you are sleeping.

He needs to realise that it's not ok to wake you at night for a chat or whatever (inadvertently waking you as he gets into bed is one thing, putting the light on etc quite another), but equally he shouldn't be made to feel that he constantly has to walk on eggshells and keep the noise down even during the day because you are constantly asleep. You need to seek help to find out why you are constantly so tired and take steps to deal with that. And then work on a proper nighttime sleep routine so you don't have the need to sleep during the day. sometimes this can simply mean keeping busy or whatever, but tbh sleep during the day can be a vicious circle to not getting proper sleep at night because you've slept during the day.

pictish Mon 15-Jun-15 08:36:13

You have rushed headlong into moving him in with your son...and far too soon.

He has taken your son on as his own? What a preposterous claim to make after 9 months. You have no idea yet if he's fit to be a father to your son.

He's already showing you how he fails as a partner. That your wants and needs come secondary to his preferences.

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