To get irritated at the state of the house?

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

DH and I both work similar hours and earn a similar amount. On balance we do the same amount of childcare to fill the gaps in each other's schedules.

I probably do more cooking and laundry, but he does all the house admin and DIY, so I guess we're pretty even in that regard.

BUT, on the days he looks after our two DCs (one toddler, one primary age) I come home after work and the house is a total shithole.

On the days I look after the DCs I still manage to get the basic stuff done like stick a wash on and hang it out, unpack the dishwasher and bung the dirty breakfast stuff in it, wipe a cloth over the kitchen surfaces and make the beds. Even open the damn curtains in the bedrooms!!

For some reason, under exactly the same circumstances, DH is incapable of doing any of this.

So I come home and am immediately pissed off because I have to spend the first half an hour either corralling him into tidying up, or doing it myself.

He thinks IABU because he does such a great job with the childcare.

I think he IBU for not managing to do a great job with the childcare PLUS all the stuff I do too.

But I'm aware that if I were a SAHM and my DH came home from work ranting about the state of the house, I would tell him to stick his attitude right up his bum.

So AIBU to get irritated with DH?

[friendofsadgirl]

YANBU and I know what you mean. I work part time and DH is full time. On the one day of the week when he is at home with DD and I work for 5 hours, I come home to a mess, I don't even get a cup of tea before he falls asleep on the sofa. I do all the housework and cooking; most of the shopping (although he sometimes comes with me and puts biscuits in the trolley). He occasionally washes up and cuts the grass/ cleans the cars neither of which I give a toss about
He works long stressful hours and is exhausted by the weekend... It was never like this before DD came along and we both worked full time.
I don't know what the answer is though.
Do you ask him to do specific things? I know you shouldn't have to but at least it might get done then..

[thewavesofthesea]

Are you me?
I am part time, but often work longer hours then him in a week (I am a doctor and work on calls some weeks but not others. On the days he is with the kids alone nothing gets done, I would just like to be able to get some food when I get in without trying to clear a surface in the kitchen!

[friendofsadgirl]

Yes, trying to make late lunch after 5 hour shift on a Saturday and need to wipe up crumbs before I even start is a pain. When I work the same shift during the week I come home to much less mess and THEN clean. I hate that he gets be the fun parent and I'm the one who cleans...

[morelikeguidelines]

You could both leave the housework while with the kids and then agree a time in the evening or weekend to do it together?

[morelikeguidelines]

But I agree basics like clearing breakfast things and unpacking dishwashe, opening the curtains need to be done daily.