don't want to move house (grip needed)

(9 Posts)
triballoons Wed 10-Jun-15 18:50:03

I have been crying on and off and I am hoping you can all had me a grip because this is silly but I can't seem to stop.

So we have lived in this house since we decided to move in together 6 years ago. It is now too small for us. It only has two bedrooms, a very small garden and we just don't fit here. The plan was always to move once our family got bigger.

We found a house last year that was perfect for us. It's close to a very good primary school but only a 15minute drive from DSSs primary school and both schools finish at different times so it will be easy to arrange school pick ups. The house needed a bit of work and we wanted to convert the attic so DH has mostly been working on it with FIL and we have taken the DCs to visit it. There are four bedrooms now so we can all fit in and a big garden. It's perfect for us and we can see our family growing up there.

We are moving there on Saturday.

But I feel so sad about it. I am gradually packing up the rooms and sometimes I find things like a picture of DD1s first Christmas or I think about my current pregnancy and how this baby won't have its first steps in the same house as its sisters and I don't want to leave. It's stupid and irrational but I just don't.

It doesn't help that DD1 (4) does not want to leave and she keeps crying that she doesn't want to go, and she needs to stay and look after the house and we keep trying to reassure her but she still gets so upset. She cried when I picked her up from nursery today because she was sad about never having a playdate at this house ever again.

She is going to be starting reception at the new primary in September and she should be going for a visit there with me in 2 weeks but I am worried that we are just going to upset her more.

And her upset is affecting DD2 (2) as she is too young to really understand and all she knows is that we are going to live somewhere else and her big sister is upset.

I feel like stuck a lemon but I can't seem to help it.DH just keeps saying that it's my pregnancy hormones, and maybe it is but I can't seem to stop the way I'm feeling about it. Whichris makes me feel guilty because then I worry that the reason the DCs are upset is because they can sense my reluctance about it
So hopefully you shall all had me a grip and tell me how unreasonable I am please.

daisybrown37 Wed 10-Jun-15 18:59:19

I understand completely. We are in a flat and hoping to exchange any day on a house. We need to move - we need the space and garden etc but I love our flat. We have been here 11 years, told people about our engagement here, left from here to get married, brought our two babies home here.

This is home. However what makes it home are the people in it and our belongings and memories, we can take those with us.

ItsTricky Wed 10-Jun-15 19:03:06

I remember feeling exactly the same when we moved so YANBU. As soon as we were in the new house I was so thrilled with the space (we went from flat to house) that the old place was soon forgotten about.

Make the children's rooms and toys a priority. They will settle faster with familiar things all around. Can your dd be involved with choosing where her furniture goes etc? You could take her shopping to choose something special for her room - a cushion or something. Maybe get her to do some pictures to put on the walls when you get there.

I'm sure your dd will be fine and once you're settled she can have play dates and show off her new room smile

Good luck with the move.

popcornpaws Wed 10-Jun-15 19:08:45

I think YABU, its bricks and mortar, memories are in your head not a house.
I've spent all my married life in my current house (23 year) its the perfect size, in a great location with the most amazing views, farmland and hills, no houses etc but, its just a house, i could move tomorrow and i wouldn't feel sad!

JiminyCricket Wed 10-Jun-15 19:19:56

It might take you some time, but once you let the new home 'in' it will feel good. Arrange a goodbye party for the house - to help you all say goodbye and give them a good model for 'having a good ending' and coping with change. Maybe take some photos and get a photo book or print of them so you can keep the good memories with you. And of course make plans for celebrating your new house. Grip wise, you NEED to do this positively ( but letting your feelings show ) to help dc cope with the change, and realise that sad feelings are normal and ok, but should not stop you moving on. Hope that makes sense. Good luck with the move smile

triballoons Wed 10-Jun-15 19:40:51

Thank you , nice to see others have had a similar experience makes me feel slightly less silly.
Yes I know it's the family that make a home and its not the first time I have moved but it's the first time I have ever been sad about it.

The DCs have already chosen the colours to paint their rooms and they are all sorted thank you for the tips we shall unpack their bedroom stuff first so they have all their stuff.
We shall also have a little goodbye party before before we leave.

TealCarpet Wed 10-Jun-15 20:39:21

Ah I feel for you OP. I sobbed like a loon when we left our old house - first home we'd owned together, only place DDs had ever lived (plus DD2 was born at home). But I now absolutely adore our new house and am so happy here. I still remember our old house so fondly but this is definitely home now.

I agree with pp, embrace that you feel sad, say goodbye to your current house with DDs and let them talk with you about being sad, but at the same time all big-up the excitement of the new house. Let them get involved with planning their rooms and planning exciting new things at your new home. Is there something you could promise for the new house to get them excited? A little garden party for a few friends? A playhouse for the garden?

Good luck with it all x

TheEmpressofBlandings Wed 10-Jun-15 21:15:39

We moved recently (into a rental, still waiting to move into 'proper' house) and my youngest was very sad about moving too. We had no choice as we were relocating but it does break your heart when you know something you've chosen is upsetting them. However, we've been moved for nearly 6 months now and the children are all totally settled, they adapt so so fast.
Definitely make it an adventure for them to move into their new rooms. I also videoed round the old house so they can see it if they want to (no one interested yet!) - two of the children were born at home in the old house too so wanted a record of that. I moved when I was 3 and have no memory at all of the first house I lived in.

triballoons Wed 10-Jun-15 21:39:55

Well we have promised them a dog once the new baby is here and the house is unpacked and settled but your right we could do with something sooner.
I will look into those wooden playset things for the garden or a nice swing set maybe that can be used in the summer weather.

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