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AIBU?

babys father/contact/am i being a cow/talking in anger :(

48 replies

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 14:25

message from babys father after i offered contact...

would love to see baby but a the moment i have alot of shit on my plate so for now can we just text and chat about baby and things as me and the girls are all happy about baby and don't want to muck you about so can we take it slow.

my reply..i think i will leave it M. sorry im not going to be messed about. i cant just say i got alot on my plate and not bother with baby or other kids can i?

my reason for that reply was when i was first preg he done a runner 3 times. then when i was preg he said he would be supportive and help out. 4 times i asked for help.and there was an excuse everytime. i moved dishwashers/washing machines/ rolls of carpets. and pulling them up and laying the new ones on my own. i sent him a whats app message and said if he really dont want to know then he needs to be honest instead of coming up with crap excuses. he said ok and blocked me.

his adult children made contact with me a couple/few weeks ago. and i thought ok i give him a chance and sent him a message asking if he wanted to see baby. and the responce was as above...

i think his kids want him to have contact with the baby but he does not...and im thinking what can a baby get out of a text message...whats he think im going to do read it to baby?

i dont know if im being a cow or not...it just feels like an excuse and he not bothered

OP posts:

Report

CruCru · 07/06/2015 14:39

His response is a brush off. Perhaps his children are interested - would you be happy for them to meet the baby without him?

Is he paying child support?

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 14:46

cru they were on my fb but i just removed them. im not sure if i have done that in anger. but i dont want him getting updates via them..

hes not paying child support. i mentioned csa and his daughter said if there is anything i need for baby he will get it but i got everything i need for the next 18 months so im not sure how that works

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 07/06/2015 14:47

Ok, in the kindest way, he isnt bothered about this baby. And you need to stop contacting him. You cant force it and each time you do contact him you are getting upset. You have done plenty. People who want to be parents, dont need an invitation to do it. Did he ask you if you wanted to be involved in your baby? Did he fuck! No- you are involved because you are a parent. He doesnt want to be a parent to this baby. Seriously, leave him to his own devices now and get on with your life. And claim child support. He owes that as a bare minimum.

SurlyCue · 07/06/2015 14:49

Go through CSA and dont negotiate or take any excuses. Call them, let them deal with him.

OneDoneOneBun · 07/06/2015 14:53

I don't think you should stop the adult children from seeing the baby if they are siblings, it's not their fault their father's a waste of space and they shouldn't have to miss out because of him. Can't they have contact without him if they want to see the baby?

SurlyCue · 07/06/2015 14:55

From Op's post it doesnt seem as thought they have asked for contact onedone or that OP has said she would prevent it.

LaLyra · 07/06/2015 14:58

I think you need to seperate his adult children from him. He sounds like a waste of space, but if they are not then don't hold his actions against them. I also wouldn't communicate about him through them - so if you want to go to the CSA (and you should imo - he has a responsibility to his child) then do it. Don't allow his children to become messengers for him.

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 14:59

onedone yeah they are adults so dont need him about.. but i just dont want anything going back to him because that will be giving him what he wants...

CSA i dont know if i know enough info on him... i have fogot things he told me :/

dont even know his address/dob/or who he works for

OP posts:

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 15:02

surly the adult children do want contact. but at the moment im saying no because they will give him the info he wants about the baby...they have not seen him yet though either. but im not sure if im being unfair

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 07/06/2015 15:05

CSA i dont know if i know enough info on him.

You only need his phone number for CSA to call him. They can get the other info from him. You really arent the first person to have no information other than name and number. CSA have ways and means.

SurlyCue · 07/06/2015 15:06

they will give him the info he wants about the baby

What difference does that make wht he knows?

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 15:06

surly could he refuse to give the info?...

OP posts:

2fedup · 07/06/2015 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 15:11

surly just an example i meet with his adult kids. they see baby. take pics generally see how baby is and things..they then go and tell their dad. which is giving him what he wants without having to take repsonsabilty. like what he said in his message...ie can we just text and chat. why should he get up dates on the child he cant be arsed with

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 07/06/2015 15:12

surly could he refuse to give the info?

Of course, he also wouldnt be the first to do that either. CSA are well used to it and knowing how to find people. You call them and tell them as much as you can.

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 15:14

2fedup i get your point but could it go the other way? could my son think/question how comes my siblings want to know me and they see me and stuff... my father wants to know them but not me...im not saying i defo wont let them see him...im just thinking

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 07/06/2015 15:14

they then go and tell their dad. which is giving him what he wants without having to take repsonsabilty.

Yes but what difference does that make to you or the baby? It isnt hurting baby or you. Would you really deny baby a relationship with siblings to avoid him knowing he/she has 3 teeth now or is starting to crawl? That isnt right or fair. It isnt hurting you if he knows that info.

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 15:16

nothing to loose hey surly would have just been better/nicer to do it in a better way....i feel like im doing it out of spite because if he showed an intrest i would not be contacting them

OP posts:

popalot · 07/06/2015 15:18

Keep the siblings off facebook and let them find you if they want a relationship. I would count the father out. You should let CSA know but don't hold your breath that you're going to get anything from him. Sorry to be blunt, this is how these men are.

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 15:19

i guess thats true surly maybe i will contact them in a day or so when i dont feel so angry...

OP posts:

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 15:21

pop i wont be happy as i know hes on a good wage

OP posts:

2fedup · 07/06/2015 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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twistletonsmythe · 07/06/2015 15:23

CSA are very good at finding people. You must contact them. And if his adult children want to meet up then that is good.

And make your own Facebook as private as you can is my advice. It doesn't sound to me like he is ever going to be that bothered tbh. Best you find that out now really.

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 15:31

fedupnot made up my mind this has only happend over the past hour or so..im just posting whats on my mind/what im thinking. that way its not just my own thoughts because when people post on here i can see different ways of seeing things and take it from there....

OP posts:

LaLyra · 07/06/2015 15:54

As irritating as it would be for him to get what he wants in a roundabout way you need to forget him and decide what is best for your baby. If your baby is gong to benefit from having a relationship then they deserve to have that. It sounds like he's treated you badly and it's understandable to not want him to get his own way, but you have to do what is best for baby, regardless if that gives him the knowledge that baby has a tooth now or whatever.

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