babys father/contact/am i being a cow/talking in anger :(

(49 Posts)
ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 14:25:08

message from babys father after i offered contact...

would love to see baby but a the moment i have alot of shit on my plate so for now can we just text and chat about baby and things as me and the girls are all happy about baby and don't want to muck you about so can we take it slow.

my reply..i think i will leave it M. sorry im not going to be messed about. i cant just say i got alot on my plate and not bother with baby or other kids can i?

my reason for that reply was when i was first preg he done a runner 3 times. then when i was preg he said he would be supportive and help out. 4 times i asked for help.and there was an excuse everytime. i moved dishwashers/washing machines/ rolls of carpets. and pulling them up and laying the new ones on my own. i sent him a whats app message and said if he really dont want to know then he needs to be honest instead of coming up with crap excuses. he said ok and blocked me.

his adult children made contact with me a couple/few weeks ago. and i thought ok i give him a chance and sent him a message asking if he wanted to see baby. and the responce was as above...

i think his kids want him to have contact with the baby but he does not...and im thinking what can a baby get out of a text message...whats he think im going to do read it to baby?

i dont know if im being a cow or not...it just feels like an excuse and he not bothered

CruCru Sun 07-Jun-15 14:39:53

His response is a brush off. Perhaps his children are interested - would you be happy for them to meet the baby without him?

Is he paying child support?

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 14:46:34

cru they were on my fb but i just removed them. im not sure if i have done that in anger. but i dont want him getting updates via them..

hes not paying child support. i mentioned csa and his daughter said if there is anything i need for baby he will get it but i got everything i need for the next 18 months so im not sure how that works

SurlyCue Sun 07-Jun-15 14:47:29

Ok, in the kindest way, he isnt bothered about this baby. And you need to stop contacting him. You cant force it and each time you do contact him you are getting upset. You have done plenty. People who want to be parents, dont need an invitation to do it. Did he ask you if you wanted to be involved in your baby? Did he fuck! No- you are involved because you are a parent. He doesnt want to be a parent to this baby. Seriously, leave him to his own devices now and get on with your life. And claim child support. He owes that as a bare minimum.

SurlyCue Sun 07-Jun-15 14:49:05

Go through CSA and dont negotiate or take any excuses. Call them, let them deal with him.

OneDoneOneBun Sun 07-Jun-15 14:53:22

I don't think you should stop the adult children from seeing the baby if they are siblings, it's not their fault their father's a waste of space and they shouldn't have to miss out because of him. Can't they have contact without him if they want to see the baby?

SurlyCue Sun 07-Jun-15 14:55:42

From Op's post it doesnt seem as thought they have asked for contact onedone or that OP has said she would prevent it.

LaLyra Sun 07-Jun-15 14:58:40

I think you need to seperate his adult children from him. He sounds like a waste of space, but if they are not then don't hold his actions against them. I also wouldn't communicate about him through them - so if you want to go to the CSA (and you should imo - he has a responsibility to his child) then do it. Don't allow his children to become messengers for him.

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 14:59:00

onedone yeah they are adults so dont need him about.. but i just dont want anything going back to him because that will be giving him what he wants...

CSA i dont know if i know enough info on him... i have fogot things he told me :/

dont even know his address/dob/or who he works for

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 15:02:18

surly the adult children do want contact. but at the moment im saying no because they will give him the info he wants about the baby...they have not seen him yet though either. but im not sure if im being unfair

SurlyCue Sun 07-Jun-15 15:05:20

CSA i dont know if i know enough info on him.

You only need his phone number for CSA to call him. They can get the other info from him. You really arent the first person to have no information other than name and number. CSA have ways and means.

SurlyCue Sun 07-Jun-15 15:06:51

they will give him the info he wants about the baby

What difference does that make wht he knows? confused

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 15:06:58

surly could he refuse to give the info?...

2fedup Sun 07-Jun-15 15:07:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 15:11:17

surly just an example i meet with his adult kids. they see baby. take pics generally see how baby is and things..they then go and tell their dad. which is giving him what he wants without having to take repsonsabilty. like what he said in his message...ie can we just text and chat. why should he get up dates on the child he cant be arsed with

SurlyCue Sun 07-Jun-15 15:12:06

surly could he refuse to give the info?

Of course, he also wouldnt be the first to do that either. CSA are well used to it and knowing how to find people. You call them and tell them as much as you can.

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 15:14:09

2fedup i get your point but could it go the other way? could my son think/question how comes my siblings want to know me and they see me and stuff... my father wants to know them but not me...im not saying i defo wont let them see him...im just thinking

SurlyCue Sun 07-Jun-15 15:14:36

they then go and tell their dad. which is giving him what he wants without having to take repsonsabilty.

Yes but what difference does that make to you or the baby? It isnt hurting baby or you. Would you really deny baby a relationship with siblings to avoid him knowing he/she has 3 teeth now or is starting to crawl? That isnt right or fair. It isnt hurting you if he knows that info.

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 15:16:48

nothing to loose hey surly would have just been better/nicer to do it in a better way....i feel like im doing it out of spite because if he showed an intrest i would not be contacting them

popalot Sun 07-Jun-15 15:18:04

Keep the siblings off facebook and let them find you if they want a relationship. I would count the father out. You should let CSA know but don't hold your breath that you're going to get anything from him. Sorry to be blunt, this is how these men are.

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 15:19:06

i guess thats true surly maybe i will contact them in a day or so when i dont feel so angry...

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 15:21:02

pop i wont be happy as i know hes on a good wage

2fedup Sun 07-Jun-15 15:22:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twistletonsmythe Sun 07-Jun-15 15:23:59

CSA are very good at finding people. You must contact them. And if his adult children want to meet up then that is good.

And make your own Facebook as private as you can is my advice. It doesn't sound to me like he is ever going to be that bothered tbh. Best you find that out now really.

ghostspirit Sun 07-Jun-15 15:31:26

fedupnot made up my mind this has only happend over the past hour or so..im just posting whats on my mind/what im thinking. that way its not just my own thoughts because when people post on here i can see different ways of seeing things and take it from there....

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