not wanting to lend sister money!!

(111 Posts)
waitaminutenow Sat 06-Jun-15 11:30:38

AIBU to not want to lend my sister money. (5k)!! I have never loaned her money before (she has never asked) I just don't see how she will pay me back. And I have a sneaky suspicion she only asked because she saw my bank statements when she was helping me look for a document. She is getting quite insistent that I should as that's what sisters do. (Her words!) I'm a sahm, my hubby has a great wage (over cb threshold) her df is a waate of space (that worries me too) . I haven't mentioned it to my hubby...I don't know what his opinion would be and I don't want her to think im basing my decision on what he says (because I don't need permission....its my money after all) WWYD!!!???

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Sat 06-Jun-15 11:34:07

Just because you have it, doesn't mean you're obligated to lend it.

Has she said why she needs the money?

ilovesooty Sat 06-Jun-15 11:34:11

If you don't want to give her a loan just say no. I don't see what the problem is here.

RandomMess Sat 06-Jun-15 11:35:15

I would be very firm and "no" is a complete sentence.

purplemurple1 Sat 06-Jun-15 11:35:32

Why does she need it and what repayment plan is she suggesting and why cant she get a loan from a bank like anyone else?

LazyLouLou Sat 06-Jun-15 11:37:58

No. NU at all.

When my dad realised we were buying a house he suddenly needed cash. We had never had cash in previous years. As far as he was aware we were still living a cash strapped lifestyle, as we did when we both went to University, 10 years of 1 wage and a lot of scrimping.

As soon as he realised we had money, he asked. And was extremely grumpy when refused. I think he was utterly bereft when he realised we had so much disposable cash (20+ years of saving every penny possible), he had missed his chance to 'get dibs' on any of it. A year on and he has asked twice if we have managed to save anything as 'the house must be a money pit'. We know he is fishing, refusing to be 'duped' twice.

It took some doing, DH offered to do it for me if I couldn't face it. But I said "No, I mean no, I am saying no and I really do mean, no!"

He hasn't asked for a while. But I do expect him to try again, once we have all 'forgotten'!!

Tell your DH, he could be your backbone if you quail smile

Good luck.

Rivercam Sat 06-Jun-15 11:41:27

She is a cheeky mare for asking you. Say No firmly. You are under no obligation to lend her the money. It is definitely not what sisters do.

expatinscotland Sat 06-Jun-15 11:41:39

NEVER, EVER 'loan' money to friends or family. You need to tell her no. Or get your spouse to do it.

WinterBabyof89 Sat 06-Jun-15 11:41:41

I wouldn't lend the money. Just because you have it doesn't mean it's up for grabs. Your sister is BU with her attitude towards it.

Your DH's opinion would actually be quite relevant as I imagine you are a partnership so make most of the big decisions together, so have no shame in consulting with him.
But if the thought of lending the money makes you uncomfortable then you've definitely made the right choice in saying no.

waitaminutenow Sat 06-Jun-15 11:42:40

She actually does have horrendous credit (again not comforting) a lot due to her oh!! She says they want to put new carpets down....AND STUFF...lol. I said what is "stuff"...didn't get a difinitive answer. I feel guilty I don't know why!! It's not like me!! She just knows how to lay it on....her tax credits have been stopped and that's worrying her....We live very different lives tbh.

BuildYourOwnSnowman Sat 06-Jun-15 11:43:59

No no no. And no again.

If she was in dire need I would consider it but it sounds like she is on the scrounge.

Dh and I have always agree that if a sibling needed money we would gift rather than lend as I have only ever seen trouble where there are loans between family members

mrstweefromtweesville Sat 06-Jun-15 11:45:23

Don't do it.

LazyLouLou Sat 06-Jun-15 11:45:53

Let her lay it on.

Your DH does need to know, it is his money too, your joint savings, I am assuming. Or your own SAHM stash that would leave you without you financial independence. Either way, if she took it and didn't pay it back he, and your DC/s, would be affected too.

Tell her to take her stuff and STUFF her request! No!

RandomMess Sat 06-Jun-15 11:47:03

Nope she needs to get her current financial mess sorted properly and legally.

I'd send her in the direction of the debt charities.

You could be a wonderful sister and buy her a carpet for her birthday or something...

TheWordFactory Sat 06-Jun-15 11:48:33

Don't do it OP.

DH has leant money to numerous members of his family and none paid it back ( or if they did in their own sweet time).

As far as I can see none of them needed it for anything important. His parents used it for cruises. His brother so he could buy a house before he sold his own.

My family, who are mostly poor, have never asked for a farthing.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 06-Jun-15 11:48:38

No. No. No.

By all means if you the generous type go to the carpet store and buy her a new living room carpet but not five grand.

I'm betting her fella is the one telling her to ask but if she knew how to handle money in the first place or the value of it she wouldn't be asking you now.

'Sorry sis but we are planning to put our savings into an investment bond, the interest rate is great'

'Sorry sis we are getting an extension in the future but I can come with you and buy you a living room carpet'

ollieplimsoles Sat 06-Jun-15 11:49:03

Its always really awkward loaning money to family... I would either give it as a gift or not at all. Too many problems are caused.

I would tell your sister you don't feel comfortable having this money hanging over your relationship.
has she said what she needs the money for, you might be able to help her in some other way?

SilverBirch2015 Sat 06-Jun-15 11:49:29

What does she need it for? I think that is pretty important for us to know in order to make a decision.

If IVF - I would lend
Replacement car, without which can't get to work - I would lend
Cheaper to borrow from you than a bank - probably not, unless good relationship
Desperate trouble with debt, only other option payday loans - probably would
Wanting a foreign holiday - no I wouldn't let

It's quite a complex question, and need all the facts.

laundryelf Sat 06-Jun-15 11:50:43

YANBU, Do not lend it, she won't pay it back. Family loans rarely work out and her bad credit history is not your fault.
As others have said dire need is acceptable but for new carpets and stuff, no way.

BuildYourOwnSnowman Sat 06-Jun-15 11:52:37

Op has said she wants it fr new carpet and 'stuff'

SilverBirch2015 Sat 06-Jun-15 11:52:38

X post!

I probably wouldn't lend in these circumstance. £5,000 would buy an awfully expensive carpet and stuff! Who DOES she think she is, pretty self-entitled request.

BuildYourOwnSnowman Sat 06-Jun-15 11:54:28

Why did she ask for £5k? Is that all your savings?

I would remind her that you are a sahm and this is your safety net.

She clearly has an attitude of 'have money, spend money' - and probably thinks as you haven't spent it you don't need it or even want it

ImperialBlether Sat 06-Jun-15 12:00:38

Look, her boyfriend wouldn't lend you £5000, would he? Bring your husband on board with this and just say, "DH won't let me - he's a bit like your boyfriend, he doesn't lend anyone money." Keep comparing him to her boyfriend - she won't have a leg to stand on, then.

Sarsaparillajones Sat 06-Jun-15 12:00:55

There is a huge difference between helping out family and friends when they need it and handing over £5k for unspecified stuff to someone with a poor credit record who, let's face it, sounds like they won't pay it back. I'd I either give her the money because there is a genuine need and you want to help with no expectation of seeing it again or say no. And I wouldn't feel guilty for saying no. She sounds like she is chancing it !

pigsDOfly Sat 06-Jun-15 12:05:53

£5000 for new carpet & stuff? No. How much carpet is she thinking of buying. Obviously she wants the best.

If she is in desperate need of floor covering there are plenty of cheap alternatives that she could probably afford on her own.

You've saved the money because you've been sensible and planned for the future I image. You are under no obligation to bank roll your feckless sister.

And no, it isn't what sisters do. She'll never pay you back and will probably end up making you for bad if you were to ask her to. She'd probably tell you that you should forget about getting it back because that's what sisters do.

Just keep repeating the word no.

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