to think sons teacher shouldn't have 'pulled him along'?

(29 Posts)
silver1977 Wed 03-Jun-15 21:11:01

Wondering if I am being over the top in my feelings since ds5 who is in reception (and daughter who witnessed it) told me his teacher got a bit cross with him? Would like someone else's viewpoint!

Ds who is just 5 has had an odd bug over half term where he kept complaining of tummy ache but not really until the afternoon, he would be off his food and very clingy/grumpy, but then he would wake up fine, want breakfast and seem ok until later on again. He seemed ok for school Monday but was upset as has had lots of teacher changes recently and it was a different face again which upset him, he started saying his tummy hurt again but I kind of thought he was saying it for attention/to go home! I explained all the above to his teacher this morning and if he really seems unwell to call me and I will come and get him.

He told me after school today that he was crying at lunchtime, his sister who is 7 was with him, this same teacher came over to him and quite abruptly said, "come on you have been fine all morning go and play with your friends" as she held his arm (not hand) and pulled him out to the playground. My dd said "it was quite rough mummy" and demonstrated on me. She also said that a dinner lady had said to him to play with his sister, but the teacher said no to go and find his friends. Considering he was crying why couldn't he stay with his sister for some comfort? He has gone to bed all whingy saying he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow, his tummy hurts and asking which teacher it's going to be. I really don't know what to do and don't think he is poorly enough to warrant staying home, I am meant to be working too, and also I feel quite cross with her for treating him like that when I had explained he might feel unwell after lunch. Reception age children need a bit more tlc don't they?! Or am I being silly to feel a bit upset? I don't like confrontation so would be embarrassed to say anything but at the same time I don't want my son being upset to go to school because of her. I kind of want to let her know that I know what she done because my dd witnessed it too!!
Am I being silly?!

Sorry for long post...

Purplepoodle Wed 03-Jun-15 21:50:20

Im guessing she thought playing with his friends would take his mind off things I stead of wallowing with his sister. She hasn't done anything wrong. You said to her he was acting to get attention so putting him with his frienDS is the logical choice

sadwidow28 Wed 03-Jun-15 22:46:57

he started saying his tummy hurt again but I kind of thought he was saying it for attention/to go home

You decided to leave a grumpy/unwell 5yr old in the charge of teachers and TAs.

I am meant to be working too, and also I feel quite cross with her for treating him like that when I had explained he might feel unwell after lunch

Well, if I were really concerned about the health and welfare of my child, I simply would NOT go to work. However, you chose to leave an unwell child in the care of others. He has likely grumbled and moaned for hours because you left him and now you want to blame and shame others.

I think it is your choice now:

1. The incident is sufficiently concerning to cause me alarm about the well-being of my child - I WILL NOT go to work
2. I have probably over-reacted and my child is safe in school with his teachers, TAs and supervisory staff - I WILL go to work

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 03-Jun-15 22:56:46

Oh the ever sympathetic mn at it's level best.The teacher grabs the child by the arm. Dismisses the fact that (even after being told by his mother that he was not at his best) he told her his tummy was sore, and yet she did nothing wronghmm. Not my perception of doing nothing wrong. If this were my child I would not be happy.
Op instructed the teacher to call her if he became more ill.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 03-Jun-15 22:58:16

Also op please do not brush things off as attention seeking

Griphook Wed 03-Jun-15 23:03:12

I simply would NOT go to work ffs it's not always that easy to take a day off work because your child MIGHT have a tummy ache. It's not always that SIMPLE!

Griphook Wed 03-Jun-15 23:04:32

But I'm glad for you that you are so secure in your job and don't need the money that you can simply take a day off. Well done you.

Kampeki Wed 03-Jun-15 23:06:06

It's interesting how you were quite dismissive of your son's tummy ache when he said it to you, and yet you're upset that the teacher was equally dismissive later on. If she was really rough with him, then of course, that's unacceptable, but I wouldn't be inclined to judge on the basis of a 7yo's account. Perhaps she thought he was doing it for attention too, and felt that the best strategy was to distract him by getting him to play with his friends.

If the tummy aches persist, it might be worth getting him checked over by your GP.

Kampeki Wed 03-Jun-15 23:09:42

I simply would NOT go to work ffs it's not always that easy to take a day off work because your child MIGHT have a tummy ache. It's not always that SIMPLE!

No, but if the child is well enough to go to school at all, then I think you have to be willing to trust the teacher's judgement.

If you want a sick child looked after in a particular way, then you have to stay at home yourself to do it, or arrange for someone else to do it for you. If you send the child to school, the teacher will respond as he/she thinks appropriate.

SideOrderofChips Wed 03-Jun-15 23:12:40

You were dismissive of his tummy ache when it suited you, so you went to work. But the teacher is dismissive and encourages your child to play with his friends and you aren't happy?

Griphook Wed 03-Jun-15 23:19:16

Kampeki, I don't necessarily disagree with the teacher telling him to play with his friends, I also wouldn't take the word of a seven year old. It's just the assumption that the op should simply take the day off work which annoyed me

BackforGood Wed 03-Jun-15 23:26:29

I would presume the teacher thought it best to get his friends to distract him too. Same as others have said really.
If there have been lots of staff changes, then talk to the school about that, but I would be very cautious about the perception of a 7 yr old when judging how abrupt or otherwise she may have been.

Kampeki Wed 03-Jun-15 23:28:51

I get that grip, and I agree - I know it is really difficult for some people, and I realise that I'm very fortunate in just being able to tell my work that I won't be in.

Nevertheless, if people do send their kids into school when they aren't well - either by choice or by necessity - then I think they have to accept that the teacher might deal with the situation in their own way.

If the child really isn't well enough to cope with a different approach, then it isn't fair to pass the burden on to the teacher, and alternative arrangements should be made.

pieceofpurplesky Wed 03-Jun-15 23:31:55

As with most posters the teacher was probably hoping a distraction would help. Obviously not by pulling his arm but some children do exaggerate. It is also not your dd's job to look after him, so teacher was probably aware of that to - especially if you had told her he was clingy.

Aermingers Wed 03-Jun-15 23:40:35

My Mum made a similar mistake once. I had an inoculation, my Mum said to the teacher that my arm 'might hurt a bit but she will be okay for school. I had a bad reaction and ended up in an awful lot of pain but my teacher would not call my Mum to send me home because he thought that what my Mum meant was 'it might hurt but it won't be bad enough to come home so don't call me if she says it is'. It wasn't what she meant at all.

I think a similar thing has happened here, you've told the teacher you thought he was pulling a sickie so she's treated it as you said. If you'd added a caveat that he might genuinely have a problem later the situation might have been different.

But if you really feel it was too rough that's not on, even if she did think he was pulling a sickie.

NRomanoff Thu 04-Jun-15 06:30:02

Yabu. You told the teacher it was attention seeking. The teacher probably felt that your ds was playing up because his sister was there, that its not his sisters job to look after him and his friends were a better distraction.

Its all well and good saying, its not easy for everyone to take time off....no its not. But they are your children, if you tell a teacher they are attention seeking and don't keep them off school, the the teacher will assume you are right.

Mistigri Thu 04-Jun-15 06:36:06

Children aren't alwsys reliable witnesses but it does sound like she may have grabbed him rather roughly. I wouldn't be happy.

OTOH as you know it can be very difficult to judge when when tummy ache is bad enough to require attention or a day off, so it's understandable that teachers sometimes get it wrong (doesn't excuse grabbing and dragging).

I don't understand why you are getting it in the neck (other than this is AIBU and the modus operandi is to have a dig without properly reading the OP first).

CrohnicallyInflexible Thu 04-Jun-15 06:36:45

I know that this isn't what you were posting about, but if this has been going on a while, I think your son needs to see a doctor. I had a weird bug where the symptoms didn't start till after lunch, it turns out it wasn't a bug at all, it was inflammation/ulcers in my small intestines. Overnight the food passed through my system, past the inflamed part, so in the morning I was fine. Then after breakfast and lunch the food went far enough through to irritate and cause symptoms again. Just something to bear in mind.

Possiblestudentteacher Thu 04-Jun-15 06:45:30

Although you say your daughter witnessed it, please bear in mind that she is also very young and possibly not the most reliable witness. Instead of getting angry, speak to the teacher first to see what really happened.

Triliteral Thu 04-Jun-15 06:57:01

My immediate thought when I read your OP was to wonder if he has abdominal migraine, possibly related to all the teacher changes and so on. Worth considering if it persists.

I think it must be quite difficult for teachers to get exactly the right line physically these days. It sounds more like she wanted him to go somewhere and took him. She could have been more gentle and patient, from what you have said. Personally I would prefer that my children were taken by the hand and encouraged unless they were definitely resisting / being unreasonable. It's hard to judge definitively as you weren't there.

If I were you, I would be reassuring my son that you will discuss his concerns with a teacher. I might specifically request that they encourage him to be with your daughter, if that would help him and is acceptable to her. I wouldn't go in angry at the moment, but would wait to see how things develop before making any assumptions about the teacher based on one small incident.

Hope your son feels better soon. So difficult working when they are under the weather and unhappy.

sadwidow28 Sat 06-Jun-15 21:37:00

I have been on Mumsnet for years ....but I am just realising that lots of AIBU threads are post and run.

Duh - thumps forehead

silver1977 Mon 08-Jun-15 22:51:08

Thanks for replies, have only just got round to checking replies as husband got rushed into hospital Friday and only just come home. Poor children haven't had the best weekend, my eldest daughter now seems to have random tummy aches that come on at odd times so I presume it has been a bug they have had, will try and book an appointment with doc tomorrow.
Sadwidow28 I would not leave an obviously ill child at school just because I had to go to work, I explained that he had been better, it seems to come and go, and to call me if she thought he seemed unwell. He has also been upset at teacher changes etc and so tummy ache is a hard one to make judgement on. It was mainly her abrupt manner and grabbing his arm which bothered me. I work with children myself and would never do that, I thought it was quite unacceptable regardless. I understand a 7 year olds account may not be accurate, it was the fact they both told me separately to each other. Anyway, I feel calmer about it all now, he seems happier which is the main thing, I just have DH to worry about now!

Thanks for all the kind and helpful replies by the way....some people just love to batter others when they are down eh! Glad only just read now as would probably have been upset last week.

MayPolist Mon 08-Jun-15 22:57:12

The teacher shouldn't have been put in that position because your child shouldn't have been in school.
If he was so under the weather that he couldn't help being tearful and whiny, then you should have kept him at home.Schools do not have the resources and your DD should be playing with her own friends and not nursemaiding her DB

OnionsAndApples Mon 08-Jun-15 23:03:15

Like trilitedal, I thought stress might be the cause of the tummy aches as my dc suffered these for years about school. However as your dd has also had them perhaps it is a bug of some sorts.

silver1977 Mon 08-Jun-15 23:04:18

Maypolist he was so under the weather - he wasn't! He has also been tearful and whiny over the teacher changes so like I said, it was hard to make judgement on. He did not have high temp or anything else obvious suggesting he was ill. My daughter was playing with her friends, she was concerned about him and went to him as he was crying, surely that is a normal reaction for a sibling. Not sure you read previous posts properly at all.

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