To continue to breastfeed although others think it's 'unfair' to my baby?

[PrawnToast12]

Background: 7 month old, combination fed from birth. Had a few problems with bottle rejection the past couple of months but persevered and all is well now.
Love breastfeeding but just cant do it exclusively. Partner may give her a couple of bottles in the evening, say 3 days a week to let me get on with jobs/take a bath/put 2 yr old to bed.

Now the next 3 months are choca bloc with events. Two weddings (child free) and the hen dos of very close friends (one hen do is in Spain for two nights) plus two 40th parties. Since having my first child, I have never been one to leave them to socialise but this time I have accepted the invitations. (close friends, and quite frankly I want to go!)

My nana and mum both say its selfish of me to breastfeed and not be with my baby all the time as I am taking away her main comfort. They also said I am leaving my partner to pick up the pieces (he has never complained, encourages me to go, and never had any problems when having her overnight previously - when I have been ill on occasion since she has
Been born).

After August, everything will settle down - no more weddings, hen dos or 40th parties (we have a small social circle).
But then I am told to give up the breastfeeding for preparation for her going to the childminder full time in October (going back to work). That it will be distressing for her if she is not weaned off the boob.

Am I selfish for continuing to breastfeed? To accept the invitations? To do both at the same time?

Prepared for the truth from you guys even if it hurts.

[FenellaFellorick]

Your mum and your nan are being bloody idiots.
Sorry if that hurts

Pick up the pieces. Pfft. Shock horror. Man is involved and competent parent. Stop the presses.

Tell them that you and your partner are happy with your choices and are not looking for advice at this time.

And fwiw it sounds like a fine balance to me anyway.

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

Of course you're not being selfish! You sound like you and DP have things worked out between you, and that's what matters.

And if your baby is going to be 12 months when you go back to work, you and absolutely carry on bf. Morning and evening feeds can be a lovely way to re-connect if you've been at work all day.

[Canyouforgiveher]

Why would you stop when it is working for you?

Nearly every woman I work with went back to work at 12 weeks (in USA) and breastfed to a year - they combined with formula or pumped (we have a room in work for pumping actually). At 7 months she should be able to pick up again after 2 days away. If your husband is ok with it, why would you change. Your mum and nana don't have anything to do with it really.

[PHANTOMnamechanger]

TBH, I'm not sure how serious you can be about wanting to BF as much as poss, while still maintaining that level of social life. You did ask!

But I can't see what the problem is if baby is already used to a mixture of bottles and BF?? If baby was a bottle refuser and you were still intent on doing all your socialising etc that would be a different matter again!

[PercyGherkin]

Nonsense. Current set up is working for you, working for her, working for your family. Can't work out whether your mum andnan come rom the "breastfeeding past six months is wrong and icky" school, or the "you're a bad momma to leave her" one, but either way it's wrong and they are too.

As for October - that's four months away! As you'll remember from first time round, a lot changes, she'll be nearly a year old. You can still breastfeed in the morning and at nightif you want to, she may well have cut back her milk in the daytime and in any case, she's happy to take a bottle so why should that change? AND it's FOUR MONTHS AWAY!

[Nolim]

Do what is best for you and your baby. That can be what makes you feel better or what is better for pragmatical reasons.

I think that by the time you go back to work the baby feeding schedule should be similar to what the chilminder will be providing (bf only mornings and evenings?). But other than that do what works for you and the baby.

[couchparsnip]

YANBU at all. Your DP is capable of providing comfort with a bottle.

[Hissy]

My love, in a few words let me be REALLY CLEAR...

Your nan and your mother need to STFU.

Nothing more!

Your partner is ALSO A PARENT (shock horror) and he is AS capable of caring for his child as you are. In fact he needs to be, and needs to do so. He is not 'picking up the pieces' ffs, he is caring for his child. (Gasp!)

Please tell these silly women to mind their own, and that their opinions were past sell by dates in 1970s. How dare they interfere in your choices?

Although smiling and nodding may be more diplomatic, before you COMPLETELY ignore anything they say. You and your baby's father call the shots now. Full stop.

I'm cross on your behalf

[toomuchtooold]

Sounds like you are on top of it. It's not like she's 3 months old and a bottle refuser or something, and she already has bottles! Maybe your mum and gran think she has some sixth sense and the bottle she gets while you're out enjoying yourself won't taste as good as the one she gets when you're putting your DC1 to bed

[PrawnToast12]

They Spain hen do is actually on Thursday. My nan has just rang asking if I am using the time away as an opportunity to let my milk dry up, and remind me that she would have never left her children like I am doing. Feeling like a shitty mother today It is working for us, but its just extra pressure. My partner is coming with me to the weddings so my mum is babysitting for those, so maybe she is worried she may not be able to settle baby? We will be on hand to come back any time there is a problem.

[Soduthen116]

Op no one will think you are unreasonable on here.

Your mum and nan need to butt out on the grounds they havnt a clue what they are whittering on about.

Do what suits you enjoy the parties.

[PrawnToast12]

I didn't breastfeed my first, so not really sure what to expect in 4 months. My mum breastfed me till 18months so is pro breastfeeding but thinks its kinder to bottlefeed if you are not with your baby 24/7

[SoonToBeSix]

Yabu to leave your 7 month old to go to a hen do in Spain. If you were back at work and you had no choice fair enough.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

It's nothing to do with BF, it's because they don't approve of you leaving the baby, going by your second post. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

[howabout]

YANBU
Separation anxiety kicks in at about 6 months. Sounds like your Mum and Nan are looking to use bf as excuse for why baby is no longer so easy to manage in your absence.
As others have said with weaning over next few months bf morning and evening or even just evening will be fine by October. Surely also a good idea to get used to your absence in stages if you are returning to work.

[hibbledibble]

Just because your baby is going to the childminder doesn't mean that you can't continue to breastfeed: doing morning and evening feeds.

Continue as long as you are happy!

[Nolim]

but thinks its kinder to bottlefeed if you are not with your baby 24/7

The logic of this is beyond me. Plenty of babies are mix fed ffs.

[JassyRadlett]

I went back to work when DS was 7 months. Expressed at work for a few months, then from about 11 months switched to formula during the day. I BFed to 17 months.

Curiously, DS never seemed particularly confused or traumatised...

[Soduthen116]

Tell your nan you are using the opportunity to hump every Spanish waiter in sight. That should shut her up.

Sorry op but you are the adult and the mother. Be confident. You are a great mother! We all are. Otherwise you wouldn't be posting on mumsnet.

[notquiteruralbliss]

YANBU. I was back at work full time when my DCs were between 3 and 6 weeks old and they were BF until they were 3 plus. And yes, I did go away from time to time. And have a social life, leaving them with their OTHER parent.

[Iggi999]

Do bring a pump to Spain with you or you will be sore, never mind how your supply is affected! Unless you can express by hand.

[Buttercup27]

Of course your not being selfish. Sounds like you have the best of both worlds. Go and enjoy yourself. It's not everyday a friend gets married or has a big birthday.

[Gwlondon]

Out of curiosity-are you going to pump in Spain? I don't really know about pumping and maintaining supply while you are away.
Child minder thing doesn't really matter because you can feed when you are with her.
Good luck deciding! I think the most important thing is to decide what you want (regards breastfeeding) and how you would feel if it doesn't work out. For example if your supply did go down after going to Spain how would you feel about it? Would you just increase it again when you got back? What if you didn't feel you could get it back again?
I think you need to figure out what you want more. Good luck and have fun!

[AccidentalAnarchist]

Soontobesix, wtaf?!!

[Lucyccfc]

I think the time has come for you to very politely tell your Nan to either p&ss off or to tell her to mind her own business.

I had a similar attitude from my (otherwise) lovely Grandma. I should breast feed, not go out at all whilst he was young (up to age 5), not expect my DH to babysit and not go back to work etc etc.

In the end I just told her that I loved her, but she should keep her opinions to herself.

Go and enjoy yourself.