About wedding arrangements and newborn

(56 Posts)
dependentspouse Sat 30-May-15 22:06:04

Family wedding (DH's sister) is next weekend, we will be bringing DD1 2.5, and DD2 who will be 4 weeks and is breastfed.

The wedding is a four hour drive away in a hotel, we are driving there after bedtime the night before the wedding with kids in PJs etc as DH can't finish work any earlier. On the day of the wedding the church is about an hour drive away, following which everyone will return to the hotel for drinks, family photos, followed by dinner etc.

The plan which I had agreed with DH and the bride before DD2 was born was that I wouldn't go to the church, but would obviously be there for the rest of the day / evening. One of the brides best friends will have a slightly older baby and is planning to do the same. We have organised a babysitter from 5pm for DD2 and I can nip out to feed her as needed. DD1 will be (hopefully!) mostly supervised by her cousins but will also need minding throughout the day. DH will obviously want to enjoy himself at his DSis's wedding, which I'm fine with, but managing the kids, putting DD1 to bed etc, will be mostly down to me on the day.

Anyway, the wedding is next week, there is a huge backstory but essentially the pre-wedding emotional shit has hit the fan, and the pressure is on me to attend all parts of the day. I'm really worried that I'll end up with an unfed, overtired, screaming baby at some point, whether it's the church, photos or whatever, and will end up totally stressed by the whole day. The newborn isn't a great sleeper, and I have some milk expressed but not enough for the whole day. None of my family are available to come with us and there aren't enough rooms in the hotel anyway.

I do want to be at the church, and it would be much appreciated by the ILs, but is it totally unrealistic to consider doing the whole day? Will I end up missing most of the day anyway sat in a corner feeding? Or am I overthinking and stressing about something which will actually be fine? I attended weddings with DD1 as a baby but with family backup so the thought of doing this is freaking me out! And that's before I even think about my outfit...

GGabcd Sat 30-May-15 22:07:53

Wear a sling you can feed the baby from?

JeanSeberg Sat 30-May-15 22:08:15

Stick to the original plan and don't engage with any comments.

trufflesnout Sat 30-May-15 22:09:42

The church is another hour away from their reception venue/the hotel!? Ugh.

NinkyNonkers Sat 30-May-15 22:11:38

Can't you take the new born to the ceremony? Failing that, stick to your plan, she's too little to be left IMO.

Annunziata Sat 30-May-15 22:12:05

Congratulations on your baby smile flowers

I think the baby will have a terrible night the day before and you just will not be able to get there for the ceremony....

they are being VU, they should be grateful you are even thinking about going 5 hours away!

twofalls Sat 30-May-15 22:15:20

I would be waving DH of on his own I am afraid. 4 hour drive with a toddler and a 4 week old? They are lucky you are even going. Both my dds fed every hour or two at that age night and day. Stick to the original plan and don't be bullied.

kickassangel Sat 30-May-15 22:16:53

smile, say, of course, if that's what you want. on the day, send DH (and older DC) on his own saying that the baby was fussing and you didn't want to spoil the vows with screaming in the background .

IF the bride even notices, repeat the same, and tell her how very sorry you were, but you really wanted her to be able to enjoy the wedding without such a horrid distraction.

Stay in the hotel and enjoy some down time. I bet hardly anyone will even notice.

dependentspouse Sat 30-May-15 22:17:19

I have a sling but have never fed from it.

I am reserving the 'terrible night' excuse for the party the day after the wedding, which I am considering missing and being snuggled up in the hotel room with DD2 and room service grin. I kind of need to make a call on the day of the actual wedding to keep the peace....

CamberwellCarrot Sat 30-May-15 22:18:16

Hmmmm I would tell the 'emotional' wedding planners to feck off but I'm horrible teeheehee!

Erm... maybe you could do the whole day... If you have a babysitter from 5pm, can you go to church with baby, then go home / hotel room or somewhere before heading to the reception?

Tbh I think you're a trooper for going at all. Could you go with the feck off plan at all?

Really, why do grown adults get so emotional that they become selfish when hosting a wedding? It's so stupid.

Waswondering Sat 30-May-15 22:19:05

When is the rehearsal? Can dh figure out the layout if unfamiliar?Most churches are reasonably child friendly.

Can you attend church, but sit beside a door to escape to hall/anteroom wherever if baby needs to be walked? Sit with dh and family till it's almost time, then slip off to the side unobtrusively. I took 6m old dd to a wedding and it was no problem to slip out of a side door during a hymn.

Good luck. Have a happy day ... Your children are grandchildren of the parents of the wedding, so very important, and are entitled to be an adorable part of the day.

dependentspouse Sat 30-May-15 22:22:36

I'd be fine with doing church, then having a break, then dinner, but would be expected also to be in family photos immediately on return to hotel, so no opportunity for downtime or even return to hotel room for a proper feed I fear..,

LittleBearPad Sat 30-May-15 22:22:40

It's crap for all the guests that the reception is so far from the church. Nightmare. However can't you sit at the back of the church with baby and feed as needed? It may feel overwhelming but it'll be fine, really. Take a sling for carrying them about.

LittleBearPad Sat 30-May-15 22:25:45

The majority of the photos will be the 'happy couple'. At most you'll be in three/four; most weddings these days the bride and groom disappear fir ages. Find a comfy corner at the reception and snuggle your baby. I completely understand where you're coming from and would feel the same but it is manageable if need be.

MrsMook Sat 30-May-15 22:26:32

Why not just feed the baby in church? My church would rather have a happy baby being fed in whatever way than a hungry baby. Everyone else's attention is on the ceremony anyway.

Jesus must have been breast fed, formula hadn't been invented grin

Nellagain Sat 30-May-15 22:36:33

Some time you just have to think sod it and brave it for everyone else's benefit. Its one day so the baby will survive. I think you.may have to stick a very small pin in her though so you can go to feed for an hour.

or dd1 develops an --unfortunate-
bout of d&v this weekshock

purdiepie Sat 30-May-15 22:45:05

What the bloody hell are you doing traipsing a four week-old baby on that odyssey for? Stay at home and let DH go.

PurpleCrazyHorse Sat 30-May-15 22:45:38

I'd say no problems to feed the baby at church if you need to, sit near the back, near a door and pop out to another room to feed if you feel more comfortable doing that.

Personally, I'd stick to doing whatever you want to and ignore everyone else. You have a 4wk old and TBH I would probably have bowed out myself.

We're off to a family wedding when DC2 will be about 9wks old and we're staying on site (wedding and reception both at a hotel). I'll be in for the ceremony with DC2 if he's quiet or out somewhere feeding if not. I doubt I'll be missed much in the official photos but I expect there will be informal family ones required and they'll either need to be done without me or fit in around DC2's feeds (or indeed have me BFing in them grin)

However, DH will be on DD1 duty all day so I can focus on DC2. It's his family wedding (cousin rather than sibling) but we'll have two children including a nearly newborn so he won't be shirking any parenting responsibilities. Although your DH might want to let his hair down all day, I do think he should look after your DC1 at the very least until the babysitter arrives for DC2. He should also help with bedtimes etc. Not to say he can't have a little drink but I'd be well p***ed off if DH got bladdered while I dealt with two children for most of the day. In all honesty, if that was what was likely to happen, then I'd just let him go on his own and I'd stay at home.

Haffdonga Sat 30-May-15 22:59:01

Going against consensus here but I'd find a 4 week baby much easier to deal with in a church than a 2.5 year old. Newborns are pretty portable and a boob is usually all they need to keep them happy.

I'd take your baby to the church and if she starts screaming move to a back pew and feed there. Feeding during the photos wont be a problem either. It takes so bloody long to get all the bridal ones done you'll be pleased to have a perfect excuse to need a sit down. They'll just have to do the ones your needed for according to your dd's demands. Rest of the day - perfect excuse. Fancy a quiet moment? - oh dear, the baby needs a change. Fancy a lie down? - what a coincidence, the baby needs a feed. Fancy a dance with dh? There'll be a row of doting aunties and grannies longing to have a cuddle.

An over-excited toddler though, I'd leave that to your dh to sort out. wink

BestIsWest Sat 30-May-15 23:00:42

I would do what feels right for you and the baby and not bow to pressure. People make a great fuss about expectations for these things beforehand but on the actual day they probably won't care and will be caught up in other things.
I speak from experience, two family wedding when DD was 4 weeks and 5 weeks (thanks DB and DN).

Totality22 Sat 30-May-15 23:03:08

Hold up.

So you are going for 3 nights? Going down the night before? Then the wedding? Then the after wedding party?

Urm, get yourself home after the wedding or at least leave very early the next day and do whatever the Hell you want to on the day.

nooka Sat 30-May-15 23:06:00

Can you negotiate timings for the photographs, and either have the ones with you taken first or last? I'd go to the ceremony because that's what the wedding is about really, unless you really can't face the extra two hours in the car (which I think would be totally reasonable). And yes make sure that dh is primary parent for your elder daughter (even if that just means keeping an eye on what's going on with adoring cousins).

MidniteScribbler Sat 30-May-15 23:20:38

I do think the ceremony is the important part of a wedding, not the party. I know why you are planning it this way, but for the couple it may look like you're avoiding the 'boring' bit and just want to come to the party.

Fatmomma99 Sat 30-May-15 23:26:33

What Best said - no one's going to actually care on the day.

Do what is best for your baby and you, and congrats!

TendonQueen Sat 30-May-15 23:28:25

Have you married into the Kardashians? smile I would feel fine about doing as advised above, ie smile and agree and then on the day just say baby was restless. However, you could also consider going to the church, sitting near the back with DD2 and getting your husband to take DD1 with him. It's a case of sitting with her in church - even for his sister's wedding that should be doable! I would then make it known that DD2 needs an urgent nappy change when back at the hotel and tell them to go ahead for photos without you.

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