DH 'claimed' a room as his office and filled it with utter shit. AIBU to blitz it?

(86 Posts)
Mamushka Thu 28-May-15 14:21:33

We moved into a new house a year ago and we allocated one bedroom as our master bedroom, one as our baby's room, one as a guest room and the fourth one was going to be 'an office'. However, 'an office' became 'his office' as he literally stuck a sign with his name on the door.

From day 1 it's been full of boxes of his crap which I eventually persuaded him to unpack onto two IKEA Billy bookcases. Now 1 year down the line it is what I would refer to as a shithole. Think teenage boys bedroom mess multiplied by 10. Bearing in mind this is/was a lovely new build house.

The bookcases, are overflowing with junk.
The desk is piled with papers and dirty plates and cups.
The windowsill is lined with papers and dirty plates and cups.
The carpet is home to an overflowing bin, and is littered with papers, nik naks, and you guessed it, dirty plates and cups. Not much carpet visible actually.

It's a fire hazard as well as a horrible room to be in. I want to have a place to sit and work occasionally but I can't work in there because it's 'his' disgusting man cave of crap.

I offered to declutter and organise for him but he won't let me and gets quite angry at the suggestion, even when I promise not to actually throw away anything but just box the junk up for him to sort through at his convenience.

AIBU to completely blitz it (drastically declutter and organise the whole lot) when he's out one day and put all the junk in boxes for the garage, even though he's told me not to? blush I'd say the stuff needs to be reduced by about 80% for it to be a decent place to work in.

ollieplimsoles Thu 28-May-15 14:24:42

OP are you me? grin My DH did EXACTLY the same thing with his office when we moved in!

I decided since he was so happy being surrounded by junk- to start treating the room as a dumping room for random stuff I wanted out of the way. He soon realised that his 'office' was no longer fit for purpose and set about organising it of his own accord!

grumpysquash Thu 28-May-15 14:25:22

I feel your frustration!
But what is the alternative? If the office is all nice and neat, will the living room end up full of crap?
In our house the man cave is the garage (all bedrooms full of DC). It's still full of crap though.

MadameJulienBaptiste Thu 28-May-15 14:25:44

Just keep the door shut .

BlackeyedSusan Thu 28-May-15 14:27:28

get a sign and put your name on the door grin

presuming both names are on the deeds you have as much right to the room as he does. either he tidies it or you do. it is reasonable to put his stuff in boxes. not so much to put them in the garage, but I gues you could get rid a lot of the plates cups and muck.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 28-May-15 14:28:01

I couldn't stand a room being like that, the dirty plates and cups sounds bloody grim, why doesn't he clean up after himself, he's not a teenager anymore.

What reason does he give for being an overgrown slob?

morelikeguidelines Thu 28-May-15 14:32:10

I hope yabu as h says this about my office! It is just papers though, not plates, cups etc.

Is your dh self employed and does he do most of his work at home, as this is why I call it "my" office not just an office.

fanofpeamum Thu 28-May-15 14:33:24

Agree that it's just as much your room as his. Move all his stuff out, arrange it however you want it, replace his sign, and claim your turn! (Infantile, yes, but how could he object?)

MaidOfStars Thu 28-May-15 14:39:13

Ah yes, 'our' office became 'his' office within about a week of moving in.

He keeps it immaculate though (Ikea shelves and boxes are fab).

minkGrundy Thu 28-May-15 14:42:34

Put a notice on the door.
This room condemned by environmental health.
You have 7 days to clean it or it will be cleared for you.

Then if he doesn't do it you have carte blanche.

Lottiedoubtie Thu 28-May-15 14:43:10

OP are you me? grin My DH did EXACTLY the same thing with his office when we moved in!

OR are you me?

I am sort of relived this is a common thing to do... and not just a really fecking annoying trait of my DHs!

If you find a reasonable answer do let me know!

Mamushka Thu 28-May-15 14:50:17

minkGrundy that's a fabulous idea, I have also drafted an email along the lines of my OP, outlining what I will be doing on a precise date...

Seeing as whenever I speak to him about this issue, he seems to just hear "blah blah blah, nag nag nag, moan moan moan" instead of "I am kindly offering to help you", I thought maybe an email might work better...

RB68 Thu 28-May-15 14:54:41

Tell him you are going to get Aggie and wotsit in to clean for him and put it on TV

AlisonBlunderland Thu 28-May-15 14:59:30

Our / his office was beginning to be a tip, so i blitzed it.
Loads of ikea boxes (sadly no longer available) with Filing labels on front, all small crap in those and onto shelves.
Everything that had a purpose or belonged in there had a place.

There was a large pile of other crap piled in corner for him to sort out, which he did. Eventually
He admitted that it is miles better and i see that it is moving toward Tipville again.
All dirty plates etc must be removed once a day

FiftyShadesOfSporn Thu 28-May-15 14:59:38

Moisten some of the crap and sow some mustard and cress seeds.

If that doesn't embarrass him into action, nothing will.

CumberCookie Thu 28-May-15 15:02:39

I was going to be all "Let him have one room to be a bit messy in, its not like the whole house is like that" (I'm a bit messy and as going to stand up for one of my own)

But the food plates are utterly grim. I live like a slob but that horrifys me.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Thu 28-May-15 15:05:20

He will NEVER sort through the stuff once it goes into the garage. It will just sit there gathering dust and irritating you more there.

Does he actually use the office or has he made it such a pit that he now migrates downstairs?

Your choices are three:
Close the door - pretend you live in a 3 bed house except when you open the door to toss in the latest piece of crap he's left lying around the house.
Clear the cups and plates. Close the door.
Go ballistic and insist he sorts it out within a specific time frame or you will bin anything left on the floor. Don't offer to box anything - just say that you will give it away/take it to the tip
If he doesn't use it frequently, clear the space entirely and convert it to your own office on the grounds that you will

chipshop Thu 28-May-15 15:06:24

DP's office is the same, a dusty pit piled high with plates, mugs, glasses, banana skins, chocolate bar wrappers... If he loses anything it's because I've moved it apparently. Not because it's a hovel. He has his name on the door too!

He recently had blood tests after feeling poorly for ages and the GP told him he had an allergy to dust. The rest of our house is NOT dusty...

MrsNextDoor Thu 28-May-15 15:06:34

YANBU. If he can't keep it clean, he can't claim it.

I would blitz it and then fill it with flowers, pretty cushions and things...he will feel uncomfortable in it then!

YsabellStoHelit Thu 28-May-15 15:09:01

Clutter doesn't bother me but dirty cups/plates is grim.

Serving his tea on kids plastic plates/cups could work "I'm sorry love the plates have vanished and I can't find them, maybe you could check your office?"

Greymalkin Thu 28-May-15 15:09:06

Agree with previous posters: it is every bit as much your room as his and the very very least he needs to do TODAY is remove dirty plates and put in dishwasher immediately. That is just disgusting.

But, you are being a bit U wanting to go through his papers without him knowing. Everyone should have some privacy <dons hard hat and runs from thread>

specialsubject Thu 28-May-15 15:09:29

dirty plates and cups?

and you put up with toddler behaviour because...????

ItsTricky Thu 28-May-15 15:10:11

Borrow someone's rat and put it in there.

BettyCatKitten Thu 28-May-15 15:12:16

Is he a 'hoarder' or just treating it as a 'man cave'

BackforGood Thu 28-May-15 15:17:53

Presumably, all those who think it's ok for the OP to go through all her dh's stuff and throw out 80% of it, would be equally happy if he came on here and said he was going to go through all the OP's things (be that shows or books or whatever hobby or collection she has) and decide which 20% she was "allowed" to keep ? hmm

Why not set up some work space for yourself in the other spare room, and arrange it how you like?
Why does your preference carry more weight than his?

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