about PIL coming to house when no one is here

[Anydrinkwilldo]

Can't figure out if I am BU, if it's pregnancy hormones or what. I have been signed off work for 2 weeks so been home FT but this morning I had hospital appointment. Got message from MIL (as I do every morning) to ask if I needed anything today from shop etc. I replied no thanks have hospital this morning so not home. When I did get home I saw that 'someone' has been at front rockery and put pots of plants around front of house. I'm fuming that they have come down to our house without either my permission or dh permission and done whatever they wanted to our property. I don't go to their house and start doing what I want to their garden etc. But I'm not sure if I'm over thinking it and should I just let it go.

Not wanting to drip feed they have form for doing this, waiting until there is no one here to come down and clean our windows/paint windowsills and doors etc. I know I sound so ungrateful if they had just text to say they were here I would be fine but I find it so rude to just go to someone else's house and do things. AIBU?

[ArsenalsPlayingAtHome]

YANBU. They are being weird.

What does your OH think?

[BerylStreep]

Yes, weird and possessive.

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

They ABU - and no doubt if you bring it up they will say they were only helping. But it's kind of insulting actually as they are deciding when YOUR house needs cleaning!

[ollieplimsoles]

YANBU it is rude and over stepping/ Nice of them to check on you but they shouldn't go to the house and start moving things.

When DH still lived at home before we got married and moved out together- his mum would go into his room to straighten things up, hang up clothes (she would also snoop in draws but thats another thread..). When we moved out she just treated our house like it was a big DH bedroom! She would drop by to poke about/ clean/ rearrange dishes and cupboards etc. When DH found out she was doing this he took the key off her right away.

[Rosieliveson]

This is really strange behaviour. What if you were just pretending to be out to get some peace?!
It's a tough or as what they are doing technically counts as a 'kindness' but it's irritating and crosses your boundaries. I don't know how you sort things like this out. Sorry OP

[NorahDentressangle]

As long as they don't go in I don't think it matters, especially if they wash the windows and paint.

[Anydrinkwilldo]

Phew thanks at least I know I'm not alone in thinking it's just ott! Dh agrees that they shouldn't have come here without saying anything but thinks I'm overreacting by being pissed off at it.

I'm off at the moment with spd so the house is slightly falling to pieces as I can't do too much. If she called when I was here I have a list as long as my arms of things that need to be done and would happily let her do whatever she wanted. I just don't like the idea of her here deciding when to do my gardening etc.

[ATisketATasket]

YANBU, its nice and all, but a bit of an invasion of privacy I think. My Pil used to do this when we first moved into our house. I would get back from work and I knew when they had been as the milk would be out turning sour in the July heat and dirty mugs on the side.

[LadyNym]

YANBU. This is really weird and invasive. What does your DH say about it?

[Mintyy]

Yanbu! This would give me the complete and utter rage. Some people really are so pig ignorant Oh God, I am fuming just thinking about it. Nothing to do with your pregnancy hormones at all!

[RebootYourEngine]

I am on the fence with this. My dsis will tidy my house for me when im not in & she is here. I love it because i come from work to a clean house. However she does sometimes put things in the wrong place & i have a thing about things being in their proper places. I would never tell her because she is an amazing help to me.

[ollieplimsoles]

she is an amazing help to me.

She sounds lovely Reboot, and she really does genuinely want to help you.

The trouble with some people though is they use the guise of 'helping' but they are really snooping! I know my MIL went into my bedroom once to see if I was still taking on my pill... She suspected we were TTC and wanted to know. Still creeps the crap out of me.

[zipzap]

YANBU - that would really annoy me too. One thing if they ask if there's anything you want doing or say they've got some spare pots of plants, do you want some and they'll bring them over - so long as you agree. But to unilaterally come and make changes to somebody else's house - not on.

I'd be tempted to go over to their house and just do something to it that you know they won't like is much more your taste than theirs and say that you couldn't help it, you knew they would love it (or whatever they say to you). Obviously being poorly and pg makes this a bit more tricky so maybe I'd get DH to do it instead... Maybe get him to paint one of their windowsills a different colour from all the rest and see how they like it?

I know they are probably doing it from niceness but it's still incredibly controlling thing to do to your grown up son, particularly if he is married and it's not just his house.

[Losingmyreligion]

YANBU. I returned from work one day to find PIL in my lounge with cups of coffee and the TV on. Aunt-in-law was having a kip in DD's bed after a shower in her en suite. Speechless.

[ollieplimsoles]

Losingmyreligion What the actual fuck...

[Losingmyreligion]

Needless to say they no longer have a key to my house. Many things I could write about them ...

[CrazyCatLady13]

Losingmyreligion please tell us more!

[Skiptonlass]

A call to them along the lines of "we think someone is staking out our house...a few times recently x has happened. called the police of course and they're taking it seriously. They think it's such a weird thing to do, I find it really creepy..."

[YouCanButImNot]

YANBU it feels like a massive invasion of your privacy! When we got our new house (we hadn't quite moved in, we had decorated through first) my PILS decided to take my BIL, SIL and DN to the house to show them round whilst we were out. No warning just a text to say 'we're at your house, decided to show BIL around will you be coming to see him?' Key was swiftly removed.

[Tequilashotfor1]

My mil did this when I was pregnant. Although it was washing laundry and cleaning. I walked in one night and she had the washer and drier on. Damp clothes folded up on side (so she had been in the house at least two washing cycles!) and a cup of tea on the side waiting for me. I made my excuses and walked straight back out my own home.

People that I spoke to thought I was crazy for having an issue with this. But I hated it. I sent her a jokey message saying thanks but hands of my dirty knickers. She took great offence at that

I grew a pair of balls when dd was born but that's a whole other thread.

Set your stall out now to avoid bigger upset later on

[ApocalypseNowt]

I was round at my inlaws one day when FIL announced he was going to go round to BIL's house because he thought BIL still had something or other of his (BIL & SIL had given FIL keys in case of emergency as they were on holiday).

FIL asked me where I thought this thing might be. I told him it was probably in the bedside table underneath all the drugs and sex toys.

He didn't go round

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

YANBU, mine came round while we were at work and the plumber was here and started interfering with our planned plumbing work.

[VanitasVanitatum]

God I would love this. Clearly I have no boundaries!