to stop contact as per court agreement

[imskintandheismint]

Had a few threads on here recently, feeling a bit demented and fed up now

I was at court a fortnight ago, and felt the weekend contact I get with DS wasn't split fairly. (I get DS one weekend out of 4 plus a sunday) so had went in hoping to negotiate. The offer I wanted to put on the table was to swap one Saturday a month in return for every single tuesday. Exp would collect DS from morning preschool and have him til 6pm. So 6rs a week, an extra 24hrs over the month

we discussed it all and he said yes, but then refused to budge on the Saturday. I was nervous at the time, and I suppose not thinking straight, or as quickly as normal, then the subject quickly changed and now I'm potentially stuck with a court agreement that doesn't actually work for me or DS. I feel so stupid!

because of my shifts, it now means that for two days midweek, I get to see DS for 20mins before work, then an hour when he gets back before bed. Then the following day..not at all, as i work a 12hr shift, and then he's away all but one weekend in a month! When DS starts school I will see him even less

I wanted to go in to court and be reasonable, but i feel I've been too reasonable. And FWIW, exp doesn't seem to worry about being reasonable, he is wealthy, very wealthy, and refuses pay child maintenance to spite me, and gets away with it also as he is becoming self employed which makes it all the more gutting and frustrating and like I've let him walk over me again

I'm due to see my lawyer at the end of the week but desperate for some advice before then...am i able to 'take it back' as such??

and what does a court agreement actually stand for, what does it mean? I know my lawyer won't advise to stop the midweek contact, but I were to, what is the worst that could happen, a telling off from the judge? the judge never actually ordered anything, this was what we had agreed to in advance. I'm not sure how my relationship with DS will be able to develop and grow with the lack of quality time we have together, the thought of another 5 years of this is thoroughly depressing

[WhetherOrNot]

So YOU don't like it when you see DS very little for 2 days - but you don't mind if your EX doesn't see him for days? And you're quibbling about an extra 24 hours over a MONTH?

How do you think your Ex's "relationship with DS will be able to develop and grow with the lack of quality time they have together"?

[WhetherOrNot]

Ignore my post above - read your post wrong, oops!

[Theycallmemellowjello]

Assuming it was signed and delivered to the court etc, the court agreement takes effect in the same way as an order from the judge. Sorry, but it's probably better to wait and talk to your lawyer to see what your options are.

[NameChange30]

Whether classic bitchy reply without bothering to even read the OP

[TheEggityOddity]

Sorry would you be able to list in this way
Before court order:
mon - ex
Tues - ex
We'd - me.... Etc
Weekend 1 - dp
Weekend 2 - me

After:
Mon- ex
Tues- me.... Etc

So we can follow a little easier. I know it's obvious to you but for everyone on here it will be really confusing.

[WhetherOrNot]

No Emma - just got confused with who has what, when and for how long. Don't be nasty so quickly.

As TheEgg said - it would be better listed out to avoid the confusion I obviously found !!!

[NameChange30]

Whether "don't be nasty so quickly"!!! that's hilarious. You're the one who posted a nasty reply without even reading or thinking.

[NameChange30]

Hypocrite much

[imskintandheismint]

eggidyoddity

before court order...
mon-thu = me
fri, sat and sun = ex

this was never going to work longterm though, as it would be incredibly unfair on DS (and me) to never have a weekend with his mum, but exp refused outright to 'let' me have a weekend with DS. So then decided to take me to court to get 50/50 custody, not to spend more time with DS although that would be a bonus, no-he told me he would apply for residency as it meant he would no longer have to pay cm did't get residency of course, but has decided to stop paying cm anyway


first court agreement;
midweek same, as exp lives an hour away so weekends in a 4 week rota..
week1 = ex
week2 = fri and sat (me on sun)
week3 = ex
week4 =me

we returned to court a fortnight ago to discuss holidays/chrismas and I offered every single tuesday on top of that as I was hoping to get one saturday in return in week 2

[WhetherOrNot]

I DID read, and think..........I told you......I got confused. So stop trying to start a personal argument, it's not helping the OP at all. Waves xx

[imskintandheismint]

wasn't very clear, what I meant in my first post is that in a 48hr period, DS would have about an 1 1/2 hrs with me, but I dont just work two days a week I work 5, so actually in the whole week i don't get all that much time let alone QUALITY time, and worried that when he starts school, it will be even worse

[imskintandheismint]

but the court order itself...is it just a piece of paper in effect? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't stop the midweek contact lightly, I'd want to talk it through with exp, but know he would never agree to anything I wanted/needed. He used to refer to his time with DS as babysitting as he saw it as helping me out and grudged that

[UrbanSunday]

If you reached an agreement at court it is very likely (unless the judge / magistrates made it very clear that they were not making an order) that you have entered into a consent order. This will be drawn up by his solicitor or by the court if you are both unrepresented. If you genuinely feel that the new arrangements are not in the best interests of your child then you will need to make an application to the court to vary the new order. You will need to explain why it isn't in the best interests of your child and why you agreed to the arrangements last time. If you find court intimidating it really may be worth getting a solicitor to represent you. The court fee is £215 and you could see if your local court has a psu who are trainner volunteers who will help you fill in Court forms etc. HTH

[YsabellStoHelit]

I don't think it unreasonable that you have alternating weekends and then he has one weekday as well. That is similar to a lot of parents I have seen in similar circumstances. If both parents work weekends should be split 50/50, holidays are negotiable. I used to spend every other weekend at my dads and some holidays eg boxing day but not christmas day.

Seems like he has taken your Tuesday but refused your asking for the saturday. Tell your Lawyer this.

[BarbarianMum]

Forgive me if this is a stupid idea, but would it be easier/possible to, over the long term, change your shifts (or even job) to better fit with the new arrangement? Seems like your ex is vindictive, so better to work round him if you can rather than waste valuable headspace fighting him.

[imskintandheismint]

urbansunday, that is really helpful. Thank you. I suppose if I didn't do that, and went ahead with stopping the midweek contact, ex would take me to court and it would be unlikely to go my way anyway as I've not followed correct protocol

[mynewpassion]

Your ex seems like hard work so I would recommend not stopping contact or he will take you back to court in violation of the court order. Speak to your lawyer and go back and have it varied.

[imskintandheismint]

I'd love to change my shifts/job. definitely working on it but having to work a few extra shifts since exp stopped paying cm

(all the while he doesn't have to work, as he can afford to. and is swanning off with DS to Spain and Florida etc, I could scream!)

but that's great advice, I'll ask for a variation, and hopefully a judge will see it reasonable for DS to have an extra wkend day with me and my family

[imskintandheismint]

then hopefully I can get him to court to make him take his financial responsibilities seriously

[UrbanSunday]

Imskint I really would make the application to vary. The family court is a court of impression. If the first thing they hear is him saying that I have come to court as mum has breached the court order and not let me see my child it really is an uphill battle to make them understand your position. Lots of luck with it.

[imskintandheismint]

thank you Urban

[Nanny0gg]

I know nothing about all this, but shouldn't CM be part of the court order?

[imskintandheismint]

we weren't allowed to even mention it. it was in the intial writ, so the judge had read that I wanted this to go to court because exp would bully me with money, but as it was about contact...we were unable to talk about him refusing to pay anything

[imskintandheismint]

and I have a feeling my solicitor won't be interested when I mention I want child maintenance issue to go to court, as I had previously mentioned it and her advice was to keep on at cms. but they can only do so much

[Icimoi]

I think the difficulty is that if you go back to court the court really won't be impressed that you agreed something and want to go back on it so quickly. Apart from anything else, it's an awful waste of expensive court time. Was your solicitor there? What did she say about it at the time?