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AIBU?

Pro-lifers - what would you do? *trigger warning*

329 replies

catcuriosity · 26/05/2015 14:19

Not a thread about a thread, but obviously there have been a number of discussions on whether blanket bans on abortion are appropriate in this day and age, and a number of people both on and off line have come out in support of them.

I am just curious as to what a pro-lifer would do in this situation, and apologies if this is triggering to anyone.

Scan at 18 weeks reveals part of the baby's brain is damaged and that has impacted the normal development, including deformaties to the limbs and spine, which has a huge scoliosis. The bladder is also very enlarged, suggesting the baby cannot empty it itself, which could ultimately result in the bladder exploding.
More tests reveal that the brain damage has left the baby paralysed, and it would be unable to take its first breath after birth and would therefore die straight away, assuming it made it to term, which was below 50% liklihood.
The paralysis also meant there would be no fetal movement, and therefore no warning signs if the baby died in the womb. If that happened, there is an increased chance of infection (and risk to the mother's life) and also a high chance of no future pregnancies if infection left lasting damage.

And most importantly, doctors think baby's nervous system doesn't develop until 20-24 weeks, and therefore at 18 weeks, the baby can't feel any pain associated with the issues. After 24 weeks, the baby will be in constant chronic pain.

So, do you terminate or carry the pregnancy on?

OP posts:
BooChunky · 26/05/2015 14:21

Is this a real situation?

This is an awful question to ask Confused

RagingJellyBean · 26/05/2015 14:22

Terminate.

But I'm not pro-life.

So not sure what a pro-lifer would say.

ollieplimsoles · 26/05/2015 14:22

Is this happening to you op? If so I'm really sorry to hear it. This is an awful situation for anyone to find themselves in and I would like to think that a couple in this situation would just do what they could to get through it.

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 26/05/2015 14:22

Terminate. Although I am not against abortions.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 26/05/2015 14:23

There is no right or wrong here. It is entirely the choice of the mother (and partner, though maybe less so for the partner because it's a health issue...)

I know of one mum who knew the baby would die very very soon after birth and was offered a termination but she decided to continue the pregnancy.

Huge sympathy, lots of hugs, so sorry (assuming this a RL issue).

FWIW, if it were me I would terminate. The potential pain aft 24 weeks would be the deciding factor. And there is clearly no quality of life at all.

No judgment, just Flowers

ItsTricky · 26/05/2015 14:23

A decision for the parents of the child ONLY to make.

Klayden · 26/05/2015 14:23

I think this is far too emotive and descriptive for AIBU. It's quite likely that your scenario has been and is someone's reality.

My heart goes out to anyone in that heart wrenching situation. I could never judge or even pretend I would have one iota of a clue.

Quitelikely · 26/05/2015 14:23

Common sense should prevail

flanjabelle · 26/05/2015 14:24

What is your reasoning for asking this? I don't think it's quite right if I'm honest. Are you hoping to force someone who is against abortion to say yes by giving the most horrific scenario possible? Not nice.

Fudgeface123 · 26/05/2015 14:24

Terminate, I couldn't bear the thought of a baby being in chronic constant pain.

I too am not against abortions though

Littleen · 26/05/2015 14:24

Not so strong views in this tbh, but I can't see why someone would carry on in such a scenario. I'm sure someone here will come along and tell me I'm wrong and that a miracle could happen to make this baby's life a possibility. Wouldn't want to wish such a condition on anybody. There's worse things than being dead, and in this case, the alternative is not a life, but a hellish existence.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 26/05/2015 14:25

I am pro-life, but not in any situation. In this instance, if there was absolutely no doubt as to the prognosis, I would terminate the pregnancy.
I do hope this is a hypothetical situation, though am aware that for many people it isn't.

WayneRooneysHair · 26/05/2015 14:25

I'd terminate.

seaoflove · 26/05/2015 14:26

I'm sure a pro-lifer would say they would wait for nature to take its course, whether that was the baby dying in utero or at birth.

I'm not a pro-lifer, but its kind of obvious, isn't it?

saoirse31 · 26/05/2015 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whiteshirt · 26/05/2015 14:28

It's an appalling situation, but I think you need to state whether this is your or someone else's current lived reality, or you're just putting it out there as an abstract 'what if' - though it sounds far too specific and detailed for that. My answer would be the same either way - I would terminate without hesitation - but then I have always been pro-choice, so not who you're looking for.

BarbarianMum · 26/05/2015 14:28

What are you hoping to show with this thread? That there are some situations so tragic than anyone will continance a termination? Because I assure you there are some people out there that would never agree, even if the mother in question was a 12 year old rape victim, or was endangered by the pregnancy or anything really. And most people are OK with the idea of children suffering, as long as they are not their own and they don't have to think about it too much.

vixsatis · 26/05/2015 14:29

I'm not "pro-life" in an absolute sense; but I am towards that end of the spectrum. In the (I hope hypothetical) example which you give I would terminate and I would hope that there would be no legal restriction on others doing so

CrystalCove · 26/05/2015 14:29

It's very detailed OP, is this real?

vixsatis · 26/05/2015 14:30

I'm not "pro-life" in an absolute sense; but I am towards that end of the spectrum. In the (I hope hypothetical) example which you give I would terminate and I would hope that there would be no legal restriction on others doing so

Theycallmemellowjello · 26/05/2015 14:30

This just seems such a pointless threat. I'm not in the slightest bit pro-life, quite the reverse, but even I can see that pro-lifers are not going to be like, 'oh my god, some babies have birth defects - this changes everything.' People tend to hold that view because they believe more or less that it's a religious and moral imperative to uphold life above all else, even through suffering. Pointing out that children may suffer with birth defects does not rebut that point of view.

catcuriosity · 26/05/2015 14:33

Yes, this is a real situation faced by me and DH.
I'm asking both out of curiosity of opinion, but mostly because DH is Irish which gave us the unenviable task of telling his family, and I have zero insight into how the mind of a 'pro life at any cost' person works and therefore how they would judge this situation.
For us, the baby being in constant pain is the redline we can't cross but others have said that it still doesn't trump letting nature take its course.

OP posts:
catcuriosity · 26/05/2015 14:35

saoirse31
No, the language they use is that the baby has fetal megacystis, but I didn't think many people would understand that, so I've put it into laymans terms

OP posts:
Bair · 26/05/2015 14:37

You do what you need to do.

No one else can imagine the situation you are facing until they themselves have faced it.

You can tell his family whatever you want. You do not have to tell them that you had a medical procedure unless you want to.

Flowers Wishing you and DH so much love.

merrygoround51 · 26/05/2015 14:37

Firstly, I am so sorry you have this to deal with.

OP I dont know your DH's family but I cant imagine even the most conservative of my and my husbands Irish family having an issue with this.

If they did, I would want nothing more to do with them as this would display a shocking lack of empathy.

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